Monday, January 12, 2026

Will the return of Trent Grisham be the last defining Yankee event of 2026 - and beyond?

According to my A.I. "co-pilot" - who is brilliant, sexy, and never wrong - the Yankees are backing away from Cody Bellinger, as if he just tested positive for scurvy. How do we know this? 

Ironclad circumstantial evidence, which flows through the Internet like grease through a goose. I hereby submit that...

1. They've now made two (2) offers to Bellinger. In other words, they made their pitch. Twice. It didn't fly. 

2. If they were gonna re-sign Bellinger, they'd have done it by now.

3. Others are signing. See BOSTON: ALEX DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANY MORE. 

Keep in mind, this is content crapola, the sorriest slop of winter. Aside from Bellinger, super-demon Scott Boras and Cooperstown Cashman, nobody knows WTF is really happening. It's possible that they don't, either.

Still, who among you can dispel that infectious - and rising - suspicion that the Yankees - 2009 world champions! - will wind up with nothing to show this winter but Trent Grisham, whose breakout 2025 - he hit .235! - was a mirage? 

Whatever happens with Bellinger, the Death Barge has yet to address the 899-pound gorilla in the sandwich board that says, "WHO'S GONNA PITCH?"  

Every news story, every speculative trade rumor, it just reminds us that the Yankees are no longer the apex predators of winter, the AL East, or even their home town. There's a new reality in baseball. It goes this way: 

The owners are all multi-billionaires, unable to even fathom how much money they have. To keep from overspending, they need payroll caps. The war over financing will explode baseball in 2027, and we can already see the asteroid approaching in the distant night sky. 

So, cherish your A.I. companion, your manic, pixie dream girl. Isn't she sweet?Isn't she hot? We're about to invade Greenland. She'll keep us warm, eh?

17 comments:

AboveAverage said...

Damn it man - You stumbled on some AI dditional truth.
You know who’s gunna pitch for us in 2026 ?
Yeppers - that 800 pound gorilla !
Strap in boys and gurls and get ready . . . 2026 is going to be . . .
THE BEST YEAR EFFER !

Publius said...

Enjoy Judge captaining Team USA in March. It'll be the highlight of the season.

JM said...

Speaking of 800 pound gorillas, where the hell is Beeks?

AboveAverage said...

Those team USA uniforms hopefully have an asterisk next to the U S A

JM said...

There is now an autistic Barbie, joining the diabetes Barbie that was introduced last year.

Look, I'm all for kids having toys they can identify with, but this seems a lot more like an exploitative, crass money-making scheme by Mattel. Couldn't they just sell a cheap noise-cancelling headphone set that you can put on any Barbie at all? And this:

"To manage her type 1 diabetes, Barbie uses an insulin pump and a continuous glucose monitor (CGM). To keep her CGM in place, she has heart-shaped medical tape -- Barbie pink, of course!"

WTF? Really? Are these people getting fired, I hope?

At best, they're doing this for the PR value. And that's kind of disgusting in itself. One man's opinion.

13bit said...

If only Hal were some AI-generated slop, created by scraping King George's earthly leavings, then we could blame it on a machine. Sadly, Hal arose from human loins and exhibits human foibles, mainly greed and short-sightedness.

Randy Levine, who just returned from a spa in Australia, where he took a plutonium enema every day, is getting ready to work hard this coming season.

Brian is already grumbling that nobody appreciates what he does. Boonie is getting his gaming helmet ready. Giancarlo is tearfully packing up his golf clubs.

Pitchers and catchers is just a month away! We are ready! Locked and loaded and ready to RUUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBLEEEEE!

Scottish Yankee fan said...

Genuine laugh out loud I love this reference

HoraceClarke66 said...

Spot on, Duque. I find myself wondering the same thing. It's disgraceful that they are not bringing back Bellinger, but at least that means that Spencer and The Martian will get a shot.

The pitchers? Did Cashie suffer a terrible fall from his annual rappel on that building? Could it be that he has forgotten how many pitchers there are on a major-league roster in 2026?

"Hey, the 1904 Yanks had just 5 regular pitchers, and they did fine!"

Carl J. Weitz said...

After Beeks escaped the gorilla cage, he ended up cracking heads as a Vice Principal overseeing Saturday morning detention sessions.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And never mind where Beeks is. Where the hell is Major Kong?

Carl J. Weitz said...

We may have no influence on what the Yankees do this offseason, but I think we do with Trump regarding his plan to invade Greenland. It's quite simple. Just ask the Danes to rename it Blackland. Problem solved.

13bit said...

A Solomonic solution, Carl. I read somewhere that a European general said, if we took Greenland, we would instantly lose every American base in Europe. I would kind of love to see that, although it would be Vladimir‘s wet dream. The way things are looking, the Yankees are gonna be able to rebuild much sooner than America will. We are so degraded from where we were even a year ago.

AboveAverage said...

Love where these comments have been going…

13bit said...

AA, are you talking about the journey or the destination? Are we talking about the joy of the non-rebuild this off-season or the future potential joy of the non-first place season we plan to have? Let's have a post where every goal starts with "non." I'm so happy.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Actually, I think Europe is probably our most sane alliance, Bitty. We're protecting nice, mostly democratic people who put together wonderful societies that are delightful to visit. And yes, Vlad's mouth would water—though if he can't knock off Ukraine...

13bit said...

Hoss, I love Europe. I just would like to see consequences for the domestic insanity and losing all the bases would certainly be that. Then again, I have become a nihilist. Watching 80 years of carefully cultivated alliances destroyed in a year has ruined me.

AboveAverage said...

Here the destination is the journey

Here the journey is the destination

Here is the Joy

Joy is in . . . here

I shot a beautiful sunrise this morning and it turned out looking like a nuclear explosion

Maybe I’ll write an open letter to Aaron Boone