So, here it is, the latest spit-in-your-face show of disrespect by MLB - and, by proxy, the Yankees - to an ancient fan base that long ago forgot passwords and user-names. Don't go searching for tomorrow night's season opener on the usual channels, because the Lords of the Game found a new, squeezable money source, and - Fun Fact: It's you!
Remember that 30-page scrolling contract last month, where you clicked "AGREE" in order to watch Andy of Mayberry? Well, the lawyers remember, and you're either signed up, with money being siphoned off your Medicare account, or you'll watch the action on ESPN Game Cast. And good luck.
The Yankees 2026 opening night lands on Netflix, as the first reality mini-series to strand 26 millionaires in a haunted clubhouse, and let human nature have its way.
It's gonna be a long year.
On that note, if you haven't registered your 2026 predictions, you have until gametime Wednesday to make known your nightmares. I'll ejaculate mine tomorrow, after keyboarding the final factoids into the psychotronic, IT IS HIGH artificial intelligence mind meld with the brain of Brian Cashman, (who, fun fact, posts on this website under the name Alphonso.)
Before I unleash the hounds of my desperation Hell, here are the main questions of 2026, as I see them:
1. How nervous should we be about Boston? (The Redsocks are all-in on 2nd-year-man Roman Anthony, while we just sent our vaunted 2nd-year-man, Jasson Dominquez, to Scranton. Are we flat-out doomed?)
2. Can Yank pitchers hold the line until Gerrit Cole, Carlos Rodon and Clarke Schmidt return?
3. Can they survive after Cole, Rodon and Schmidt return?
4. What happens when Aaron Judge gets hurt? Guy turns 34 in April. He's gonna miss time.
5. Randal Grichuk? What the Gri-fuk?
6. Was Trent Grisham's 2025 a complete anomaly? And how did the Yankees allow his 2026 qualifying offer dictate their entire course of action?
7. Who pitches the 7th and 8th innings? (And, please, stop saying "Camilo Doval., you pussy)!" It's downright rude.
8. What happens when Anthony Volpe returns?
9. Will we ever - ever? - see Spencer Jones?
10. How much did the AL East improve?
Predictions, people. This is no site for cowards.
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5 comments:
Answers in order:
Yes.
Yes.
No.
It's a mystery.
Cashman is stoopit.
See above.
Rocky Colavito.
We tank.
Only if there are enough injuries.
A lot.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
1) How nervous should we be about Boston?
Caleb. Durbin. Yankee. Killer.
3. Can they survive after Cole, Rodon and Schmidt return?
If you call that living.
4. What happens when Aaron Judge gets hurt? Guy turns 34 in April. He's gonna miss time.
Spencer Jones gets the call and becomes the stuff of legend! I'm kidding. We just lose a lot.
5. Randal Grichuk? What the Gri-fuk?
Yeah seriously. Jasson is better. Spencer is way better because he can field too. Cashman is so, so, bad at his job.
6. Was Trent Grisham's 2025 a complete anomaly? And how did the Yankees allow his 2026 qualifying offer dictate their entire course of action?
See #5
7. Who pitches the 7th and 8th innings? (And, please, stop saying "Camilo Doval., you pussy)!" It's downright rude.
Camillo Doval! Nobody tells me what to do! Nobody see? Nobody!
8. What happens when Anthony Volpe returns?
He plays no matter what. We get mad. Still watch. (Sigh)
9. Will we ever - ever? - see Spencer Jones?
We won't but you can...take the 81 South. 130 miles. Currently it's Two hours and two minutes to get to Scranton.
10. How much did the AL East improve?
The Yankees were so bad against them last year that they should do better this time around. Plus the improved Sox have to play the improved Orioles and the improved Blue Jays. It should all even out.
BTW - The Netflix broadcast is being billed as "Historic" I kid you not. It's the first time a network has "purchased" opening day. Like that's something to celebrate.
Celebrate good times, come on.
Whoo.
it will likely be blacked (and oranged) out here, fur shure
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