The American League is a disgrace.
It is the Atlantic 10, the USFL, Double A, straight-to-home video, "Dark Horse" (the Nickelback tribute band), Pauly Shore, low-dose Sildenafil, and cauliflower-crust pizza.
It is socks-in-crocks, vintage Naugahyde, Kirkland Vodka, Mar-a-Lago eyebrows, hair extensions, sneaker lifts, and every Brentwood B-lister who suddenly won't leave the house without a Brunson jersey.
If the season ended today, two sub-.500 teams would make the expanded AL Playoffs, where nearly contestant gets a participation prize, as Peter Marshall used to say, "the home version of Hollywood Squares."
Nearly halfway into 2026, Boston - 11 games below .500 - should be contemplating a trade deadline teardown, yet the Redsocks sit comfortably, a mere five games down in the wild card race. They can pleasure themselves through July and still have time to get hot and win a championship.
Never has an MLB regular season seemed so irrelevant. Baseball has become the NBA, without the adrenaline shot of the Knicks. Right now, two AL teams - the Royals and Angels, (neither making the above chart) - are true lost causes - the worst teams in the worst divisions of the worst league in its worst year.
The outcomes barely matter. Yesterday, at one point, a tight game in Toronto became so irrelevant that cultural historians Micheal Kay and David Cone carried on an extensive conversation about the singer, Chapple Roan. This came after Kay - heretofore a notorious debunker of the pop scene - proudly identified the song "Pink Pony Club" as a walk-up clip. This prompted Cone, an expert in the eighties/nineties punk scene, to ponder the amazing cultural revelations from his broadcast partner.
Michael Kay is onto Chappell Roan. What's next? Wet Leg? Clavicular?
Wait. I've gone off topic. What were we discussing? O, yeah... the quality of the American League. Well, it's not a glitch. It's a marketing plan. We know how the owners feel about selling substandard products: It's great! Send out lousy teams, have them play in Sacramento, force other cities to build new stadiums, and use the regular season - from April to October - to cull a few teams from the race. You've got parity and profits. So... keep on dancin' at the Pink Pony Club.
Posts
21 comments:
Enshittification.
The pink pony was overrated. Tattletails was not.
But Reggie preferred Mons Venus. Probably still does.
Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!! Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!! Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!!
Duque, is straight-to-home video a disagrace? I don't know about that one. Some halfway decent movies there....
Never even heard of Chappell Roan. Sounds like a religious pilgrimage destination. Complete with relics of the old saints. Big church organ too.
Yes.
Great list. If it's OK with you I'd like to add Hunts Ketchup. Truly second rate.
As to the irrelevance of the current season. Yeah it's bad when the most interesting thing in the game is the ABS Challenge.
Would they take requests at the Chappell Roan? I'd like Toccata and Fugue in d minor, J. S. Bach. What's that, they require a contribution of $25? Well, I wuz going to get to that, of course! I'm feelin' generous today. Here's $100 U.S. Worth $25 more in Canadian dollars, eh?
HOG, You probably know her by her real name, Kayleigh Rose Amstutz.
Great writing ED! I wonder if MLB owners are circumspect enough to realize how others see their…accomplishments. I doubt it. I mean, How do you figure a team like the Angels? As long as the cash spigot is on full blast I guess it doesn’t matter. I can only imagine how they’re going to fuck up the contract negotiations after the season.
A prefer a well tempered clavier.
Flute sonatas are underrated as well. But enough about tattletails.
Nope, no bell rung. So just checked out on duckduckgo: nope, never seen before. Looks like something out of Vincent Price's "Masque of the Red Death".
Why, you silver tongued devil, you! LOL!
I'd have to take Kirkland vodka off the list. Both their domestic and imported versions score more highly than their highly-touted and expensively marketed competitors.
TheWinWarblist said...
Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!! Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!! Thuhuhuh-UHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUH KNICKS WIN!!!!!!!
That’s what SHE said.
I also have a mons Venus story, but it requires alcohol and no written documentation. It involves Reggie.
BING BONG!
It’s been nearly 2 full days & the Knicks are still NBA champions. What a world.
Recursive regurgitation baseball.
Post a Comment