Saturday, October 10, 2026

Scientific pie chart of reasons why Yankees crumbled

Posted by el duque at 7:11 AM

 




24 comments:

AboveAverage said...

It is impossible to dispute your findings, E.D.

In fact, you should seriously consider submitting your research for publication by the American Journal of Deluded Decadence and Decline.

October 10, 2026 at 7:56 AM
13bit said...

Peer reviewed, road tested, indisputable!

October 10, 2026 at 8:00 AM
AboveAverage said...

CASHMAN !
Turn to the left
CASHMAN !
Turn to the right
Ooooooooh
CASHMAN !
They are the goon squad and they’ve destroyed our team
EAT SHIT !
EAT SHIT !



October 10, 2026 at 8:24 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Straight from "The History of the Fall of the Yankee Empire".

October 10, 2026 at 9:48 AM
The Hammer of God said...

We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of the 2026 Yankee season. When they demoted Jasson Dominguez to the minor leagues and dumped Oswaldo Cabrera for nothing, yet retained Trent Grisham and Giancarlo Stanton and Ryan McMahon, it created a vacuum into which the usual suspects seeped. And I, of course, speak of hubris, arrogance, incompetence, and complacency. Yes, let us remember the 2026 Yankee season as the ultimate clown show, the same as before in context but maybe the worst ever in quality.

And so, without further ado, let the party begin:

Here is Prince (he never really died), with "Let's Go Crazy":

If you don't like
The world you're living in
Take a look around
At least you got friends
You see, I called my old lady
For a friendly word
She picked up the phone
Dropped it on the floor
"Ah, ah," is all I heard

Are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
Oh, no, let's go

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look for Joe DiMaggio
Until they put us in the truck, let's go
Come..

We're all excited
But we don't know why
Maybe it's 'cause
We're all gonna die
And when we do (When we do)
What's it all for? (What's it all for?)
You better live now
'Fore The Grim Reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let de-elevator bring us down?
Oh, no, let's go

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Look for Joe DiMaggio
Until they put us in the truck, let's go

C'mon, baby
Let's get nuts
Yeah
(Crazy)
Let's go crazy

October 10, 2026 at 10:11 AM
The Hammer of God said...

And you wanted the best, you got the best. A double dose of the hottest band in the world, KISS!!!

I know a thing or two about the Yanks
I know they'll only make you cry
They'll string you along for the season
But then they'll fall on their faces and die

Everybody says the Yanks are lookin' good
And the Yankees know it's understood
Strutter

One more from KISS:

Man, when it's hot out, I get the longing for some Vodka and orange juice. But when you're real thirsty, there's nothin' like some Cold Gin:

The Yankees suck and I'm so tired
Of watching the Yanks, hope Boone gets fired
The owner don't care, and Brian is dumb, yeah
The Yanks are done, I'm down and out

Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it always wins
Cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together

It's time to leave cuz the Yankees suck
If they don't care, why should we give a fuck
The cheapest seats are for fannies hands
To interfere on a home run call

Ooh, it's cold gin time again
You know it'll always win
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together

Whoa!

Ooh, it's cold gin time again
Unlike the Yanks, it always wins
It's cold gin time again
You know it's the only thing
That keeps us together

October 10, 2026 at 10:26 AM
HoraceClarke66 said...

Ah, the ol' AJTriple D, AA! I'm a subscriber!

October 10, 2026 at 10:28 AM
HoraceClarke66 said...

Pretty funny, Duque. But I'd simplify it: almost entirely divided into "Hal" and "Pal," with a tiny sliver for "Boone."

Oh, and of course Dua Lipa.

"Dua Lipa
Dua Lipa men have named you..."

October 10, 2026 at 10:30 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Led Zeppelin, "The Song Remains the Same":

I had a dream, oh yeah
Crazy dream, oh ho
The Yankees won the A.L. East
And went on ... to win it ... all
Hear my song, yeah
People, won't you listen now?
Sing along, oh
You don't know what you're missing now
Any little song that you know
"The Yankees lose" is now
A baseball ral-lee-ing cry

Na-na-na-na-na
Last Chance Saloon is here
Trent Grisham in center field
Last man out please turn out the lights
The song remains the same, ooh yeah

All you gotta do now, all you gotta do now
Ooh, sing out Let's Go Yankees
Ooh, Dance the Master's call
City lights are oh so bright
As we go sliding, sliding
Sliding, sliding, sliding, sliding
Through

October 10, 2026 at 10:37 AM
BTR999 said...

Accurate. Well maybe not Biden…

October 10, 2026 at 10:41 AM
edb said...

Like Above Average wrote: Cashman, only I call him Genius Cashman.

October 10, 2026 at 10:44 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Another one from Led Zeppelin, "The House of the Holy":

Let me take you to the Yankees
Are they any better than the Monkees?
Let me be yours ever truly
Can I make the Yankees win?

From the houses of the holy
We can watch the Yankees lose
From the door comes Satan's daughter
And Cashman flings the dice, you know

There's an angel on my shoulder
In my hand a sword of gold
They'll make errors like babies
Eating cotton candy floss
You know

So the Yanks are losing faster
Are you dizzy when they fall?
Let the music be your master
Will you heed the master's call
Thuuuhhh Yankees win!

Said there ain't no use in crying
Cause it will only, only drive you mad
Does it hurt to hear them lying?
Was this the only world you had?

So let me take you, take you to the Yankees
Can I take you, baby, to see them lose?
Why don't you let the Yankees be
Cuz they want to lose so bad?
You know, that's right

October 10, 2026 at 10:47 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Iron Maiden's "Deja Vu":

When you see the Yanks strike out
And you know they'll break thuuuhhh record
Could you be wrong?

When you've been to a Yankee game
That you know you've seen before
Can you be sure?

'Cause you know this has happened before
And you know that the Yankee loss is for real
And you know when you feel ... deja-vu

Feel like the Yankees are gone
Feel like the Yankees have lost
Feel like HAL doesn't care
Feel like I've been here before

Ever seen a Yankee strike out
And you realize he's struck out before?
Isn't it strange?

Have you ever watched a Yankee loss
And you feel you know what's coming next?
It feels pre-arranged

'Cause you know that the Yankees have lost it before
And you feel that another loss is surreal
'Cause you know when you feel ... deja-vu

Feel like the Yankees are gone
Feel like the Yankees have lost
Feel like HAL doesn't care
Feel like I've been here before

October 10, 2026 at 11:02 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Def Leppard's "Bringin' On the Heartbreak" (this song is 4/4 common time, except for the chorus, which has one 5/4 measure thrown in there at the beginning - right on the "bringin'" (4 beat) "on" (5 beat) - I know because I had to learn how to sing this recently):

Boone is chewin' gum
Blowin' out those sunflower seeds
You're a dumbass clown, always losin' games
To the Tampa Dev-vil Rays

You're always losing, losing for no reason
That it's feeling like this is right

Oh, I'm sorry but it's true
You're a clown who cannot win
Takin' home your sal-la-ree
Oh, can't you see?
You got the best of me
Oh, can't you see?

You're bringin' on the heartache

October 10, 2026 at 11:28 AM
The Hammer of God said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to pay your last respects to this sorry ass 2026 Yankee season. The funeral mass is ovuh, "Thanks be to God"! The closing hymn is AC/DC's "Highway to Hell":

Yankees playin', Yankees losin'
Season tickets in a burnin' pile
Askin' nothin', leave me be
Takin' losses never breakin' stride

Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothin' I'd rather do
Goin' down, party time
Thuuuhhh Yanks are gonna be there too, yeah

I'm on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell

No stop signs, speed limits
Well-sie makin' out at third
Seen this before, gonna lose again
Them errors gonna make you pay

Hey Satan, payin' my dues
Watchin' Yankees lose again
Hey momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land

I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell
Highway to hell

I'm on the highway to hell...
And I'm going down...
With the Yankees and Boone

October 10, 2026 at 11:39 AM
The Hammer of God said...

You're bringin' on the heartbreak
You're bringin' on the heartache
You're bringin' on the heartbreak
You're bringin' on the heartache

October 10, 2026 at 11:53 AM
Doug K. said...

Both Lupica and Madden calling for Boone's head. Lupica also points out that Cashman sucks. (I'm paraphrasing.) Madden wants to bring back Showalter. I'm good with that.

October 10, 2026 at 12:01 PM
The Hammer of God said...

The HOUSES of the Holy. Sorry, fucked that up!

October 10, 2026 at 12:19 PM
The WinWarblist said...

I'm quoting Keefe: "the Rays became the fifth different team in the nine years of the Aaron Boone era to eliminate the Yankees at Yankee Stadium. How can you not be romantic about baseball?"

October 10, 2026 at 1:02 PM
The WinWarblist said...

I had not idea Hammer was so poetic.

October 10, 2026 at 1:03 PM
HoraceClarke66 said...

I wouldn't mind Showalter...but how about Jeter to replace Cashman?

October 10, 2026 at 1:57 PM
The Hammer of God said...

And you ain't seen nuthin' yet. You just ain't seen nuh, nuh, nuh, nuthin'. You ain't seen nuthin' yet!

October 10, 2026 at 2:02 PM
The Hammer of God said...

You can bring in a 10 year old to be either manager or GM. He won't be any worse.

October 10, 2026 at 2:04 PM
The WinWarblist said...

Buh buh buh buh Baby!!

October 10, 2026 at 3:19 PM

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)