Save The Steinbrenners

The lockout is just weeks away. There may not be any baseball next year. 

It has to be done.

The goal of the lockout is to finally create cost controls by placing a cap on spending ensuring a path to profitability that goes beyond having the franchise value increase exponentially. Short term pain for long term gain.

No one knows how long it will take to force the player's union into capitulation. An athlete's career and earning window is limited so it would appear that the owners have the upper hand but…

There will be a period of time when no money is coming in and, for a family business like the Yankees, this will create hardship.

I’m worried about Hal and the rest of the Steinbrenners

The children will feel it the most. 

Especially around Christmas.

The lockout is slated for Dec 1^st.  

Consequently, there won’t be any Christmas presents this year. Not good ones anyway. Just a few of the remaining Edwin Encarnacion Home Run Walk Parrots.

Perhaps, a quilt or two to keep them warm this winter, stitched  from the no longer salable jerseys of Juan Soto, Jacoby Elsbury and Josh Donaldson.

A peasant’s Christmas dinner consisting of rat meat and pigeon wings that, in happier times, would have found their way into the hot dogs.

The Stadium will produce no revenue save fo the meager returns of the 2026  “Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl” on December 28^th. 

Too late to save the holiday.

“Bad Boy Mowers”  BTW. That’s actually the sponsor this year.

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Knowing this was coming Hal has taken steps to cushion the financial shock of this tragic, self-inflicted wound .

In recent month he has:

1. Moved YES streaming from Gotham over to DAZN. Reducing costs.

Well, his costs anyway.

Yankee and Net fans now have to pay more.

Even better for Hal, fans will keep DAZN year round.

Previously a lot of Yankee fans dump YES in the off season because the Venn Diagram showing the overlap of fans who follow both the Yankees and the Nets is laughably small.  Now they can watch the Knicks and Hal gets a slice of that pie.

2. Saved money on the coaching staff by failing to offer raises or expensive promotions to  key bench personnel in order to retain them and prevent them from being poached by rivals.

Hey, why should he pay for coaches if there’s no season?

Oh yeah and...

3. Sold a piece of the team for 2.6 Billion Dollars. Cash.

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Apparently these money moves are insufficient.  

Hal still needs the lockout. Otherwise the greedy players union will take incrementally more!!

Think of the children!

Here are some new potential revenue streams to help the Steinbrenners get through the next few months

License the training rooms to 24 Hour Fitness (Premium  Pinstripe Pass! )

Who wouldn’t want to lift weights on the very machines used by Yankee Superstars like Giancarlo Stanton? 

State of the art vending machines can sell bags of Yankee themed “commemorative potato chip bags” to help you track your progress.

Merch!

Then relax and take a schvitz in the steam room.

You know Hal sacked the cleaning staff the second the Yankees failed to get past the ALDS again so you might be able to see a pool of sweat left by Helios Ramos.

 

Take some home in a commemorative bottle.

Turn the Luxury Suites into Hotel Rooms. 

They have couches. Or, even better, I’m pretty sure they have a warehouse full of Castro Convertibles left over from their “Starling Castro Convertible Collection”, a lesser part of their ill-conceived furniture marketing efforts that included the Juan Sofa,  and the borderline insane… Otto Velez “Otto-Man”.   

Plant Cannabis  

Yankee Outfield Grass®!

That’s some primo farming space right there. The stadium is a perfect place to grow pot. It is enclosed, gated, and already has grow lights.

The ticket windows are reminiscent of the ones used at the Cop and Stops of pre-legalization fame. Just put your money in the little bowl and slide it under the bulletproof one way glass.  

The team could charge as much as $100 for a nickel bag of “Bronx Bonger”  or  "Judgement Day"  Sorry… Commemorative Nickel Bag of "Bronx Bonger”  or  "Judgement Day” .

Should the season restart before harvest I know one left fielder that wouldn’t mind

If Hal takes these suggestions I'm sure they will get through this difficult period. 

As far as the rest of us go...  two words.  Yankee Classics. (Actually, it's two other words. I'll leave it up to you to fill in the blank.)