"Baseball as a Road to God;" The course at NYU

On the night before opening day, the end of a baseball fan’s version of Advent, John Sexton entered his classroom at New York University to speak of Joe DiMaggio. He came to speak, too, of Ernest Hemingway and Gay Talese, of Lord Krishna and a sacred tree in the Amazon, and what he called “this notion of touching the ineffable...” 

At NYU, praying for a base hit might earn you an A.

Rain out

Jeet's living room: Analyzed

The NY Post says el Capitan is peddling his NYC crib for $18 M.

Thus, we - the cow-eyed, booteless and unticketed masses - have been gifted a rare opportunity to intrude onto Jeet's private bachelor lifestyle. Consider these four notes:

1. The piano. Wait a minute. A piano? Who knew? Does Jeet come home after a Yankee defeat and tickle the ivories, maybe cover Kansas' "Dust in the Wind," or Jack Nicholson's fake-performance of Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" in that 1997 movie that won Helen Hunt an Oscar, before she started power-dieting her way toward Skeletor City? A little Barry? A little Billy? Do guests sit at his bar and put bread in his jar and say, 'Jeet, what are you doin' here?'

2. Telescope. Pointing down. No moon-gazing. Screw the cosmos. Jeet is focusing at street pedestrians. Hmm. What could he be trying to see? Hmm.  HMM.

3. Game table. The outer ring suggests a horse race game, where each guest tries to get his (or her) steed around the track, maybe by squirting water from a pistol or blowing into a straw. What fun. The center pad suggests dice. Dungeons and Dragons? A little medieval role play should keep a team in tip-top mental condition.

4. Assorted nicknacks on coffee table. From here, hard to say. I'm betting Leggo model Titanic or one of those Hess Truck toys, which can only be purchased in Hess stations. Maybe he collects them? He might play theme from "Titanic" on the piano, then focus on the rackolas of passers-by, while pondering the vagaries of life. Anything to survive a Yankee defeat.

For your pleasure

Teixiera uses juju to break slump, wreck Boston

From the Gray Lady:

While he was getting dressed before he game, Teixeira noticed that while one of his socks had his No. 25 on it, the other one was transposed with No. 52.

“I actually said to myself, ‘C. C.’s a pretty good player, I’ll try it,’ ” Teixeira said. “I’m definitely going to keep wearing it.”

In fact, Tex should reconsider his plan. The notion of a "lucky sock" represents old-wives juju and fails clinical analysis. I consider it similar to the national "wear-your-daughter's-underwear-to-work" day campaigns, designed to increase the role of women's underwear in the workforce.

Let's be real: No single sock fosters juju.

But changing a sock can.

Instead of just re-wearing CC's hosiery for the next month, draining it of any juju Rizzutonic particle emmissions that it might possess, Tex should move from player wardrobe to player wardrobe, switching socks and accessories on a daily basis. This should not be arranged by the laundry police. To properly harvest juju, Tex should arrive early in the clubhouse each day and cavort from locker to locker, pilfering one lucky juju item from each lucky teammate's locker, like a predator serial killer claiming momentos from his lucky victims.

I do not advise building a bunker or special room in Tex' house to house these momentos as a shrine. This would be overdoing it.

But at least for tonight, Tex should not be wearing a pair of Mark Teixeira socks.

Major League Baseball's "moron test" for fans

The latest example showing that if you're a fan, Bud Selig and his boys at MLB offices think you're a moron -- a complete, utter, brainless dipshit.

$34.99.

For a blank, white cap.

No logos. No color. No details. No nothing.

A blank white cap. $34.99.

Please tell me what's worse ... that Major League Baseball has the balls to actually put something as embarassing as this up for sale; or that somewhere, there are redsock fans saying, "Yeah, I think that's a cool f'in hat, man! I'm wicked psyched!! And only $35, plus tax and shipping!! I'm in for a couple!!" (H/T the fine folks at NoMass)

GREATEST YANKEE WIN SINCE FRIDAY

Only regret: Boston didn't have a 12-run lead before falling apart.

(And that Beckett didn't get in.)

We should have done it!!!!!

Good Morning,

I hope you all enjoyed yesterday's spectacular celebration of Fenway's 100 years of failure, disappointment and misery.

Three of us watched the ceremony and game from the comfort of one of Central NY's finest bars and, after each Yankee home run, we sang our impromptu version of, " Happy Birthday to Fenway."  Soon, everyone in the bar caught on and we had 4 more rounds of fun with raucous bellowing of this honorific song.

My idea, however, was far more sinister and one for the ages.  

Three weeks ago, I had suggested to both Hal and Hank that the Yankees, in conforming to the agreement to wear the early twentieth century " Highlander " replica uniforms for this historic gala event, secretly place the number 3 on the back of each Yankee uniform.  This would simply be our version of the league honorific utilized  a week or so earlier to recognize the amazing 

Jackie Robinson ( every player on every team wore #42 ).

Wouldn't a number 3 on each Yankee jersey have better punctuated the intensity, history and long-standing humiliation of the NY/Boston baseball rivalry? 

Can you imagine the crowd reaction as the Yankees, each wearing the Babe's number, came strolling out for the introductions while the pasty red socks shuffled about with blanks on their backs?  We could have won "in your face" honors for the next 100 years.

I think even "uber"baseball fan Caroline Kennedy would have applauded the creativity and irony.  After all, the whole rivalry began because the then impoverished red sock owner sold George Herman Ruth to the Yankees for tickets to, "No-No Nannette," right?

And what better testament to the Babe than the five home runs the Yankees rained down upon Boston's pitching?  They got a fair broadway show and we got the icon of baseball.  We got 27 championships and they have 2 ( which make us all gag ).  However, fair is fair.  We cannot deny the truth.

If George were still alive and well he would have approved this scheme, I'm sure.

As for Boston, the next 100 years are sure to fly by, and you will get a shot at redemption when celebrating 200 years at Fenway.

New York is in a position to complete the Tri-Fecta of Boston slapdowns

Holy crap! This could be our Holy Trinity of Humiliation. Consider:

1. The final game of the 2011 season, when we surgically let Tampa into the playoffs, ditching the finger-lickin'-chicken-lickers, and inscribing Scott Proctor's final pitches into Yankee-Redsock lore.

2. The 2012 Super Bowl, when Jason Pierre-Paul and Eli Manning did the impossible: Drive a wedge between Tom Brady and his trenchmouthed wife.

3. This weekend? A sweep to celebrate Fenway's centennial? (Or the Titanic?) Only drawback thus far? We couldn't trot out Johnny Damon in a Highlander jersey.

"Before the game was spectacular. It was a well-orchestrated, major-league presentation of pride and glory. It’s a downer now.”
- Bobby V, for Victory -      

Fenway Anniversary pregame celebration becomes a special tribute to the 2011 Red Sox

Everything seemed to be going along fine ... but it turned into a disaster at the very end, ruined by some drunks.

To make it complete, they should have served chicken wings.

It safe to say at least two people at Fenway weren't drinking grape juice ...

Our secret envy

Jason Keidel says what Randy "Vote Redsocks" Levine needs to hear.

Phil Hughes... on Bardball

Hughes, what happened to the dream?
You were once wonderful
The future ace of the team....

AN EMPIRICAL EVALUATION REGARDING THE IMPACT OF REVERSE-POLARITY JUJU BIOLUMINESCENCE ON C. GRANDERSON’S THREE HOME RUNS DURING A 134-MINUTE PERIOD IN APRIL 2012

On the evening of 4.16.12, an experiment conducted by this observer induced in Yankee subject C. Granderson (CG) the following explosive release of anecdotal phenomena.

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HR NO. 1: In advance of CG’s first plate appearance, (approximately 7:42 p.m. ET) this observer reversed polarity on the traditional juju position – abandoning the usual offensive, cobra-like stance in front of television (aka lodestone) – for a horizontal “broken pencil” alignment on the couch, normally a position used for defensive purposes. This was prompted in part by pitcher P. Hughes surrendering four runs in top of said first inning, inducing stomach duress and blood pressure spike. This practitioner lay inert on said couch and projected verbal condemnation toward said viewing screen. The impact on CG was instant and noticeable, with a HR blast trajectory measured at 383 feet (116.738 m).

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HR NO. 2: By the second appearance, normal offense strategies had been restored. However, with the CG coming to the plate, and D Jeter on first base, this observer decided to re-assume the experimental couch position, as per Inning No. 1. Again, the impact was pronounced and visible, although the second trajectory was 360 feet (109.728 m), a decline in distance of 6 percent.

HR. NO. 3: Again, with appearance of CG, this observer refrained from invoking normal offensive posture, moving said body to said couch, again with a pronounced near-electrical ejaculation of bioluminescent energy. Nevertheless, the third impact-drive was measured at a distance of 352 feet, (107.289 m) a 2 percent decrease in crushedness from HR NO. 2.

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NOTE: DUE TO CONCERNS ABOUT THE MEASURABLE DECREASE IN DISTANCE, IT WAS DECIDED TO DISCONTINUE THE JUJU EXPERIMENT AT THIS TIME.

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A continued decrease in energy would leave future CG balls landing on the warning track. Thus, the couch was abandoned. This decision was not rendered without spirited internal and mental debate.

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Nevertheless, this observer concluded that to continue the experiment could undermine its usefulness in the post-season.

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THE EXPERIMENT WILL BE RECONTINUED IN THE PLAYOFFS.

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CONCLUSION: Solid anecdotal evidence suggests the reverse juju bioluminescence – or biological transduction of energy into visible light – of C. Granderson can and must be exploited in future Yankee events.

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Simply stated, for those of you who are untrained or mentally incapable of understanding the nuances of empirical science: A skilled jujuist must parcel out projectiles in careful quantities, often by threes. Three strikes, you’re out. Three outs, you’re done. Babe Ruth wore three. C. Granderson hit three HRs. We must be not abuse this juju strategy – at least until we reach Boston.

More study, hopefully with federal grant money, is required.

Linnnnnnnnnnnnkah

OMG! Minka with... him?

Joe Piscopo left Saturday Night Live in 1984. So what does John ask him?

In the bottom of the seventh last night, Yankee fan Joe Piscopo visited the booth. It's like a trip back in time. Who can forget his great Frank Sinatra bits, covering songs by "Mr. Bruce Spring-STEIN." (Though let's not forget that he took part in a "Let's Go Mets" video; you can't have it both ways.)

The interview lasts four minutes. It starts with Joe blathering about how great it is to be here:

JOE: I can't believe it. I'm up in the booth with the heartbeat of the Yankees. I feel like a little kid here.

He goes on...
JOE: This is all about baseball. I'm a huge fan. This is my sport. I love it! 

He talks about visiting the Yankee Stadium gift shop, and Suzyn says she's never been there.

JOE: You haven't seen the Suzyn Waldman doll yet?

Suzyn laughs hysterically at this. John pipes in:
JOHN: Joe, the next time, you ought to go down the left field line, they have roast beef sandwiches, take your heart away.

They talk about how Joe secured tickets to the game: He called Mitch Modell, and Mitch came through, and John says Mitch Modell is a great humanitarian, and they talk about the Mitch Model foundation - or something - because I've never heard of Mitch Model, though I'm sure he's a great man..

There is a break, as John calls a few pitches, and then... keeping in mind that Joe left SNL 28 years ago... there is this quintesential John moment. The best part is John's conclusion at the end.

Dick Clark finishes No. 1 on the Top 40 list of Dicks

1. Clark
2. Butkus
3. Moby
4. Tracy
5. Van Dyke
6. And Jane
7. Howser
8. Cavett
9. Gregory
10. York
11. Grayson
12. Barnett
13. Allen
14. Ebersol
15. Phillip K.
16. Stockton
17. Enberg
18. Gephardt
19. Sargent
20 through 39. Various
40. (Tie): Cheney/Nixon

What Is A .500 Team?

I think it is a team that can't sweep the Twins.

A team who can't win more than 2 in a row.

A team where the really clutch hitting isn't confined to what Nick Swisher does.

Sometimes a .500 team has grossly over-paid stars who aren't contributing relative to their cost. A team that has these aging, slowing players under contract until the moon becomes a state.

It is a team that can't find a pitcher, or more than one, who can deliver more than two quality outings out of four appearances.

It is a team whose average age is 37.9, and a roster with no rookies close to getting time on the field. Perhaps it is a team with no rookies at all (who play "positions" other than pitcher).

Often a .500 team has no meaningful position prospects above "A" ball ( Editor's note; everyone has hot prospects at "A" ball.) Some will say that it is for this reason that said team has no position-playing rookies on its roster.

It is a team whose "slugger " first baseman seems to have lost about 10 yards of distance on his potential home run drives. Still, he is hitting in the low .200's.

Often a .500 team is one who expects a "savior" in the form of a returning hero now two years out of the game, and who is looking in the rear view mirror at the 40 year old threshold. Someone who will be on an innings count all season.

Occasionally, a .500 team will make off season trades that give away youth and potential for players with disability and/or lack of ability. A team that daily reads the bad news as to the positive performances of those traded away, and who waits patiently for medical updates on the "stud" they received for Jay Buhner.

Usually, they have a top draft pick pitcher, still young, who seems to have lost his abilities and potential. Often, they have traded away a peer of this top pick who now wins 20 games in another division. Another way of saying; they kept the wrong guy.

A .500 team is one that goes to the ballparks of other struggling teams in their division and makes them well. Heals them. Loses to them.

Watch and remember.

Losing two out three to Minnesota at home?

I'm not sure we understand the full implications of this.

Botching two out of three... at home... to Minnesota.

Yes, the Twins, the Twinkies, the meal. They are our kewpee doll, our chewing gum, our rented mule, our Scranton-Wilkes Barre, our GitMo, our Gingrich, our annual new Jenny McCarthy sitcom, our public access AM radio station, our compost pile, our empty can of Pabst. They're Minnesota, the team we beat.
If not for the Yankees, Ron Gardenhire is Tony LaRussa. And if not for the Twins, we miss the playoffs. Minnesota is how Arod pads numbers. The Twins are to Teixiera as gasoline is to fire.

Two out of three... at home... to Minnesota.

Seriously, now... in the fifth, down by onet, did anybody think we would lose that game? Hell no. We were playing Minnesota.

Tonight, they chase three out of four.

The ice just cracked beneath our feet.

Fox Sports checks in on Juju

Justin Verlander: Juju master?