Everyone Please Relax. I Have Made A Deal With Mr. Selig

Once the sportwriting genius's have finished hawking their wares about A-Roid's decision to come clean, I can tell you what is going to happen.

Since that "process" is not yet completed, I'll give you a few hints:

1. Mr. Selig is amending the 2009 schedule for American League teams, as well as Interleague play.

2. The purpose is to allow for a Press Conference every day, with Alex Rodriguez as the featured interviewee, at every game both home and away.

3. Alex only got the front and back page of today's NY Daily News, along with page 2, 3, 4, 5, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58 and half of page 71. So we need to "peel the onion" as they like to say at the Cantina, and get at the real truth about Alex, his cousin, his entourage, and his make-up guys. This, like the stimulus progam, will take some time.

4. Mr. Selig told me ( in confidence ), " While I agree that Alex knew he wasn't taking tic tacs, I don't think he knew that needles could contain illegal materials. He has never played ball in Afghanistan, you know. "

5. These press conferences will give everyone the chance to ask the penetrating questions and follow-up which have thus far eluded baseball's best player. Such as, " did your shirt size change during the 2001-2003 seasons?"

6. Each day, Alex will be flanked by a rotating group of Yankees, each of whom will furrow their brow, pull apart a paperclip and look sincere. If needed ( and I have this on good authority), Ian Kennedy will be available to travel from Scranton so sit at the side of his idol. Even if he is scheduled to pitch.

7. Alex's support retinue will shortly be expanded to include lawyers and PR counsel from the Bernie Madoff Fund and, to assure hand holding and hugs at international venues, by lawyers, advisors, sales force members and bankers from the Stanford International Bank, currently headquartered in Antigua.

Personally, I can't get enough of either Bud Or Alex.

For those of you who feel similarly, please consider opening a "Free Alex " tee shirt concession in Somalia.