Saturday, February 14, 2009

The House that Juice Built: 10 Unique Features of Miami's new "Alex Rodriguez Park"

After receiving $3.9 million from Arod, the University of Miami has renamed its baseball stadium Alex Rodriguez Park at Mark Light Field. Some features...

1. Each seat has syringe-holder.

2. Luxury suites include shower photos, locks of hair, bits of clothing, from Derek Jeter.

3. Stadium loses power with runners in scoring position.

4. Centerfield lap dance court.

5. Scoreboards feature asterisks.

6. All fans' urine collected and tested, with results kept completely confidential!


7. Stadium-wide sensors detect presence of Selena Roberts.

8. Games played with shriveled balls.

9. Grass watered daily with Miracle-Gro.


10.
Facility not available for post-season.

6 comments:

The Ghost of Scott Brosius said...

"3. Stadium loses power with runners in scoring position."

I almost pissed myself when I read that one

Anonymous said...

Each one of these was downright genius.

GOSB, I agree, #3 was the best.

But running a close second are #2, #4, #7, #8 and #10.

Wow Duque

Anonymous said...

11. Most Valuable Stadium of 2009

Alibi Ike said...

11. The extreme pressure caused by being the best park in the Miami area will cause it to shift positions and backtrack from time to time.

Anonymous said...

I like #7. I, personally, am getting a court order to keep her 50' away from my house.

Anonymous said...

It's not juice, but JEWS, you idiot.

Who do you think spends money in NYC?

Certainly not those cheap Buddhists.