If Tommy Daschle Gets Hired By Red Sox as Team Tax Advisor

It has come to my attention that our leaders have "fallen down " on a key principle of effective governance.

In the olden days ( think Lincoln ), key political appointees were given what was euphemistically referred to as, " background checks." You know, to assure the "people" that those about to determine their fates were qualified for their high stations in Government, as in :

A. Can they speak the language?
B. Do they have writing skills ( e.g. can they write their name ?)
C. Do they have reasoning ability as measured by the skill to answer a "yes" or " no " survey?
D. Will they assert to living in America and being a citizen ( these two-part questions resulted in the disqualification of numerous applicants )?
E. Have you paid taxes on "courtesy " services such as horses and buggies, drivers and footmen, and silver-tipped whips?

Today, after years of refinement to Law School curricula, extensive and intense political debate supplemented by hair-raising Supreme Court decisions, that process is now known as " vetting."

Since our Government, both recent and current, has chosen to ignore that hard won process, I thought we might make a case for what a recent miscreant ( can we call him a nicely groomed criminal?) might oversee if he happened to get hired by the "opportunist " Boston Red Sox organization.

I refer, of course, to the recently available former Senator, former Health Care lobby guru, former multi-million dollar tipster, former private jet rider (but not former US taxpayer), Tommy Daschle.

Here are my " vetting " questions of candidate Daschle :

1. Would you require Big Pappi to pay taxes on weekly deliveries to his locker of (complimentary) three gross frozen sliders from White castle?

2. Does Dustin Petroia declare on his form 1040 the "value " of hand sewn uniforms from
the " little people's costume design " shop on Delancy Street?

3. Would you require Curt ( bloody sock ) Schilling to pay back taxes on those " donated " Dungeons and Dragons video games he received from the manufacturer?

4. Does Youklis get to deduct beanings as medical expenses?

5. Is Theo Epstein current on all payroll taxes, health care coverage, Social Security contributions and derivative wages paid to the 14 home servants he employs from Latin America, the Philippines, and Iran at his crash pad in Chestnut Hill?

Mr Daschle's response; " taxes are for the little people ."

My rejoinder; "so that means Dustin is going to pay up, right?"

Personally, I am now thinking all members of Government should be randomly selected and that we will just have to get lucky.