Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Can the Yankees push the right belly buttons?

THIS JUST IN: Top scientists (from Duke, no less) have found the missing link between athletic performance and belly buttons, such as Cody Ransom's, pictured right.

Yes, this sounds like bullshit, but it is not. It is the absolute truth.

Scientists have found the reason why blacks dominate on the running track and whites in the swimming pool: it's in their belly-buttons, a study published Monday shows.


What's important is not whether an athlete has an innie or an outie but where his or her navel is in relation to the rest of the body, says the study published in the International Journal of Design and Nature and Ecodynamics.

Naturally, the Duke professor of bellybuttonology is all over this.

Individuals of West African-origin have longer legs than European-origin athletes, which means their belly-buttons are three centimeters (1.18 inches) higher than whites'.

This explains Dustin Pedroia's amazing skills, pictured right.

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