In modern cultural literacy, Tim McCarver makes John Sterling look like a Gawker blogger

If John Sterling is somehow living in a Barbara Stanwyck movie, he's still 10 years younger than the electrified cadaver, Tim McCarver, whose crush on  Michael Young gets scarier with every at bat. Just the appearance of Young infuses McCarver with the orgasmic glee of a 100-year-old librarian being seranaded by Wayne Newton with a birthday pudding.

Two nights ago, the Dallas Maverick center from Germany -- not gonna bother looking up his name; it's the off-season -- made a reference to "Sprockets," the old Saturday Night Live skit with Michael Meyers and the monkey. OK, it's not Moby Dick. But McCarver was clueless to the reference. As McCarver listened to Joe Buck's explanation, it was like an Emperor penguin hearing for the first time there is another world beyond Antarctica. Joe mentioned Saturday Night Live, and it's a wonder Tim didn't say, "What's that?"

Right now, John Sterling is probably re-reading the autobiography of Joan Collins, and comparing his liner notes to Suzyn's. But McCarver probably doesn't even know who Joan Collins is. Unless she dated Elvis. If she dated Elvis, he knows. If she had a bastard child with Elvis, it could have been Michael Young.