Official Minutes to 10/26/11 Yankee Braintrust Meeting

9:30 a.m.: Invocation by the Rev A Pettitte.

9:35: Pres R Levine opening remarks, titled “Rethinking Evil,” vow to build “best team ever.” VP Hank corrected that “best team ever” was in Boston, followed by laughter, ballon drop.


10: Brunch; champagne toast; swag baskets distributed.

10:45: VP Hank moved for 15-minute smoke adjournment. Seconded by Commissioner Strawberry.

11:15: Discussion of GM contract. Pres Levine made smartmouth remark about Cashman hair loss. VP Hank noted Pres Levine’s hair still thick and luxurious. Pres Levine said secret is in pH content of shampoo — and not shagging floozies in hotel rooms. GM Cashman responded that shitty remarks would cost franchise extra million dollars per year.

11:30: Commissioner R Jackson noted lack of continuity in judge’s ruling on previous night’s Dancing With the Stars, which eliminated Chas Bono. Discussion. Commissioner B. Williams moved to pass advisory resolution opposing DWTS decision. Resolution defeated 13-12 with one abstaining (Commissioner Berra.)

Noon: VP Hank requested lunch break. Seconded by Stockowner Boras.

1:45 p.m.: Discussion of bid on Japanese pitcher Yu Darvish. Pres Levine said “Yu aint no good.” VP Hank responded that, “No, YU aint no good.” Pres Levin said, “No, YU aint no good.” Merriment ensued for several minutes, until Pres Levine said, “Is there an echo in here?” VP Hank said, “Is there an echo in here?” Much laughter.

2: VP Hank asked Pres Levine how he stays in “tip top shape.” Pres Levine stressed need to limit pH of diet — and not shagging skanks in cheap hotels. GM Cashman left meeting, after breaking coffee mug.

2:05 Commissioner Jackson revealed YouTube video, showing Chas Bono performance on DWTS. Re-discussion of judge’s ruling. Commissioner B Williams moved to pass advisory resolution, based on new evidence, condemming judge’s decision. Resolution defeated 13-12 with one abstaining (Commissioner Berra).

2:35: Discussion of Jesus Montero. VP Hank moved to allow closed-circuit tele-presentation from Cher, regarding Chas Bono on DTWS. Break for costume changes. Re-discussion of judge’s ruling. Following presentation, Com R. Jackson moved to pass advisory resolution, based on new evidence and vow by Cher to perform in Commissioner Berra’s back yard, condemming DWTS judge’s decision. Resolution passed 14-11.

4 p.m.: Pres Levine noted phone call from security saying GM Cashman has been spotted spraying AK-47 bullets onto concourse. Meeting adjourned.