Things I will not miss, haha, because I'm lucky, ha, and I don't have to watch anymore, haha

First, those close-ups of tasty

Subway $5 chum buckets. Served with Lipitor!

Eat flesh! It was hard to keep watching the game,

so tempted was I for one of these delicious,

gut-luggage foot-longs. How do they do it for only $5!

This unknown lady loved to sashay

through her computer animation green screen 

in the red spray on dress, selling phone minutes.

She looks like the hellspawn of Michael Douglas
and Catherine Zeta-Andruw-Jones.

Isn't it nice to know that "Fever Pitch" Redsock

almost cool, floppy-rabbit Jimmy Fallon

has finally sold his soul to the Satanic bankers,

just as Occupy Wall Street is gaining traction.

Gotta be a good career move for the 18-24 audience. 

Remember when Conan was different from all other talk show hosts?

Now, he's just like all the other talk show hosts.

Fun to watch his promos every half-inning, 

knowing the local station couldn't sell the ad time.

And of course, there's was Captain Morgan, the coolest, most fun commercials of the series. Anybody old enough
to remember the TV ban on liquor ads,
back when the nation pretended to have ethics?

Now, they run liquor ads in prime time baseball games --

Hey, kids, wanna play pirate! Arg. What fun!