Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Let's hope Hally and Hanky enjoyed last night's game

Fugginaye. As they sat in their doublewides, swattin' flies with the greasy spatulas they used to flip their mooncakes, pickin' at their bunyons through the holes in their smelly socks, let's hope the Steinboys grinned and said, 'Gaddamm, we saved old dead daddy some popbottle money by not signin' that Yu Whazzizzname jasper.'

In fact, I bet the land-line rang, and it was Buddy Selig, calling from his big city apartment in the projects, to say how proud he is of the way they cut their welfare budget - (bein' careful not to mention collusion) - because the Steinboys - by holdin' their nickels and dimes like a fat lady clutchin' a bag of Doritos - have done helped all the other owners get through these hard, hand-to-mouth times.

Jeezes. When the hanger antenna was pullin' in Channel 45, Hally and Hanky got to watch that Japanese pitcher they just couldn't afford. Nope. Yu Darvish cost too much mooch. Besides, the guy is almost 27, and even though the posting fee wouldn't count toward the salary cap, and there'd be no draft pick loss, and the new foreign marketing opportunities would practically pay his tab, hell - Hally and Hanky just can't go spending their mooch willy-nilly on ballplayers. Ol' Buddy don't like that.

So instead of Yu, we got ourselves Pavano Pineda. Trouble is, what's with that bozo, running around doctors' offices and lookin' for a "second opinion?" Doesn't he know doctorin' cost money? Can't he just put a beefsteak on his shoulder and get back out there? Money don't grow on trees. It shore aint easy, ownerin'.

1 comment:

Joe De Pastry said...

Are they real Boss George's kids?
Or are those crazy rumors about Mrs. George and the Barcelona bullfighter actually true?