666? A-Rod is - well - STILL within two home runs of SATAN.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

New Baseball Idioms for the Modern Fan


More than just a metaphor for life, baseball provides us with colorful idioms - “loading the bases” of our language with “gopher balls” of insight.

Sadly, though, many great phrases are hopelessly outdated. Who today understands what it means to “take the collar” or “step in the bucket?” What collar? Where is the bucket? Have any of us ever been inside a “wheelhouse?”

To stay relevant, the game needs new trendier idioms, such as…

"A slut and a prostitute:" A single and a homerun.
“… Down by two in the eighth, all the Brewers need to get back into this game is a quick slut and a prostitute. Or better yet, string together three sluts and hope for a big Ryan Braun prostitute! Somebody’s gotta do it for money!”

"Wearing a hoodie:" Planning to steal a base.
“… Lester steps off the rubber and glares over at the base-runner Brett Gardner. He knows Gardner is up to no good. He’s saying, “I’m watching you, Gardner, ‘cause this infield ain’t your part of town! You’re trying to steal second, and I’m gonna pick you off, ‘cause I’m the Redsock neighborhood watch captain, and as far as I’m concerned, you’re wearing a hoodie!’”


"Mandatory transvaginal ultrasound:" A retaliatory bean ball.
 “… So now that Pujols has taken one in the ribs, let’s see if Jered Weaver follows the proper protocol and presents the Mariners with an opportunity to reconsider their personal choices, with a 90-mile-per hour mandatory transvaginal ultrasound – square in Ichiro’s ear."

1 comment:

Joe De Pastry said...

Doing a MUSTANG and a BIG BANG: Beating out a bunt and hitting a home run in the same game, like Mickey used to do.