Monday, December 29, 2014

Dear Mr. Steinbrenner: Sign a pitcher or we shoot this dog

Dear Yankee Brain Trust,

Don't know much about history. Don't know much biology. Don't know much about the science book. Don't know much about the French I took.

But I do know that if you don't sign a starting pitcher - I mean someone who can throw a decent 190 innings - what an utterly crapola world 2015 will be.

You might as well start developing alternative programming on YES, because 161 reruns of the 2014 Yankees will not even beat Season II of Jane the Virgin.

Frankly, I don't know what the Hell you should do. I hate spending $200 million on Max Scherzer, and then losing our top draft pick. I hate more the idea of trading our best prospects - we don't have that many - for some 32-year-old war horse on the decline. But if you think Team Cashman can last the year with a rotation of Sabathia, Tanaka, Pineda, Capuano and Eovaldi - dear God! - then let the dog live and shoot me. I don't know much, but I know that rotation won't last the months of April and May.

Best suggestion: Sign James Shields and the best pitcher available from Japan. The Yankees have now had two great Asian pitchers - Hiroki Kuroda and Chien-Ming Wang - (Tanaka might get there someday) - and it's time to try again. It's also time to recognize that New York City - and the entire Yankiverse - does not watch the same show that already failed. The 2014 Yankees were an old, slow, boring nostalgia act, which finished out of the running. To bring it back - with a new coat of paint on Chase Headley - is madness.

Dogs will die. Do something.

3 comments:

John M said...

Dire days, but I do like the idea of putting a new coat of paint on Chase Headley Lamarr. The only question is, do we use Krylon spray paint, as suggested by catching great Johnny Bench, or do we use tiny little brushes, as suggested by A-Rod's hookers (who will do the job, by the way, for a paltry 50k apiece).

Maybe paisley. Or some kind of camouflage coloration that will cause his skin to "disappear" when seen against the infield dirt, so it looks like an empty uniform is playing third.

Oh, wait. An empty uniform WILL be playing third...

Alphonso said...

CC will show up weighing about 180, and have trouble getting the gun on his fastball to register in the high 80's. Then, he'll get injured.

Tanaka is a guy on whom we should start a pool, right now. How many innings does he pitch before he feels the dreaded, " tweak?" He is scheduled for surgery already, I would think.

Pineda has never pitched a meaningful season, except for the one where he ruined his arm forever, just before we traded for him. Expect nothing from him.

Capuano is a .500 pitcher, so who cares?

Eovaldi is more likely to be this season's horror film, than a re-incarnation of Nolan Ryan ( didn't they go to the same HS or something equally meaningless?).

However, what of our " wild card?" What of Ivan Nova? Or isn't he expected back until September?

ceeja said...

The Yanks scored 915 runs in 2009. Their run production is down about 1/3 of the last two years.

Give credit for the Yanks making room for Refsnyder/Pirella. But they really have nobody else who is going to be MLB ready any time soon. So why not spend some money a few thumpers?

Maybe we need an Alphonso rant on this subject so we can all feel the hate.