Thursday, December 11, 2014
Posted by el duque at 10:20 AM
The Evil Empire will become the "Medieval Empire" for one day next summer, Yankee President Randy Levine announced today. Fans are urged - and in some cases, required - to attend "CIA Day" at Yankee Stadium, to be held on a date that currently remains classified.
The first 500 fans will receive 60 hours of continuous lightless and freezing isolation. Meanwhile, in pregame ceremonies, former Vice President Dick Cheney will throw out the first nail gun.
On this special day, bar menus at the Yankee Hard Rock Cafe and Five Star Steakhouse will include Rectal Hydrations, and beer vendors will perform water-boarding on thirsty fans.
Buy your tickets now... or the terrorists won.