Tuesday, July 5, 2016

International Juju Intervention tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight....

Hello, Astral Plane Management Inc? May I speak to the juju god on duty? Yes, I understand that this call may be recorded for security purposes. 

What did you say your name was? Abdul? Thank you, Abdul. For a while, sitting on hold, I thought I might have to hang up and dial Satan. He owns a luxury box at Yankee Stadium, and whenever I see Trump sitting with Bill O'Reilly behind the dugout, I think about souls for sale. Nevertheless, um, Abdul, I have one eency-weency favor to ask...

Tonight, throw the Yankiverse a bone... 

Let us win. Let it start now.

BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR AN INTERNATIONAL JUJU INTERVENTION!
Friends, comrades, spectators... in the second inning, when the Yankees are at bat... IT IS TIME TO UNITE OUR PERSONAL AND SINGULAR JUJU EJACULATIONS INTO ONE POTENT, FELONY-GRADE STREAM... YOU MUST STAND, KNEEL OR ADOPT A PRONE POSITION IN FRONT OF YOUR TELEVISION OR LISTENING DEVICE, AND CHANNEL YOUR THOUGHTS AND JUJU INTO THE GAME. 

GO OUT AMONG YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS AND ENLIST THEM TO THIS CAUSE. PAY THE HIRED HELP. DOES ANYBODY HAVE A SOUND TRUCK? THIS IS IMPORTANT. DOES ANYBODY KNOW THE KOCH BROTHERS? WE NEED MONEY.

SECOND INNING... YANKEES UP... GO TO YOUR SET AND PERFORM.

KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS WILL NOT HAVE AN IMMEDIATE IMPACT... IT MIGHT TAKE AN INNING OR TWO... BUT THIS IS THE MOMENT WHEN THE YANKEES MUST TURN AROUND THEIR SEASON. IT IS NOW OR NEVER. AND TONIGHT IS THE TIME.

Abdul... sir... all I'm asking is that you watch the Juju-Ometer in the tech wing. If the needle registers a fluctuation - as I'm sure it will - crank the Juju Source Supply to "FULL" and leave it that way for the rest of the season. We need help. We need an intervention.

We have not used Juju yet this season. In the past, it has proven to be an effective tool in turning seasons around... and - to be honest - it has failed miserably with teams that did not warrant the effort. That might be the case again. But at least we will know. At least we will have tried.

Help us. Send us a double play ball. Send us a stiff wind that takes one of A-Rod's balls and turns it into an A-Bomb. Send us a borderline strike. Tonight... 

Hello, hello... are you there? Did you get the message? Tonight... tonight... tonight... 

11 comments:

Alphonso said...

Great idea.

Let's all do it when Aaron Hicks is up.

John M said...

Eovaldi demoted to middle innings relief. Jose Reyes back with the Mets. Joba designated for assignment by Cleveland (with a 2.25 ERA? Whaaaa?).

Something is going on. Juju might make a difference. Even if it only gives Larry Rothschild a bad cold.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I will throw myself heart and soul into this Intervention tonight, but to be honest, my JuJu will be for some meaningful shake up of management,,,,,, a fan can dream!

Mustang said...

Is there a Juju move that will make the Steinbrenners live out their lives in a welfare hotel?

Rose City Wobbly said...

Duque you are shameless .... and so are your minions listed here. You must be taking money from the man. Or the woman or the transgendered someone up high. Yes Network purchase a pop-up ad to encourage this act of ass-kissing? Randy Levine throw you some bleachers seats - gratis?

I have been catching you and Alphonso's truthful and incessant narratives off and on the last couple of months calling for a total rebuild; the cellar for Cashman; Girardi and Food Stamps Hal and the need to begin anew .... trade away the vapidity and start over. You appeared to get the big picture.

And now this ... I for one will ignore this website and any calls for action going forward - if this is they way this blog will roll .... you too are sell-outs - JuJu Intervention my ass. Was it all a sham? A couple of Benjamins and the attack dogs turn to lap dogs at IIH;IIF;IIc .... pitiful!

OK I am an SF Giants fan ... but integrity counts for something across partisan lines ... grow some. (Oh Yeah - have a blast at DeyRuter this week .... and careful not to choke on the clams or wade out into the deep water ....)

13bit said...

the gods are angry

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I already took care of some of this stuff, acting on my own. Yankees keep losing, BUT Baltimore keeps losing MORE.

We're now within 7 games (loss column) of those people. As noted here a short while ago, we were 10 games behind (loss column).

We pay like DUNG and pick up 3 loss-column games? It's a Cashman fantasy come true!

[you know what's coming into a view? an entire division in which a .500 record is the rule, not the exception. In the month since June 5, the Red Sux are . . . wait for it . . . 12 and 13.]

This was not easy for me to accomplish -- a lot of hand-waving, chanting, meditating, half-assed dancing in a circle, and ingesting legal substances (liberally sprinkled down my throat).

TO SUM UP: My team is sinking into a swamp, and the 1st-place team in its division is out-swamping us.

I've done my part. I'm really tired. You guys carry the ball for a while . . .

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

....that should be "we PLAY like DUNG" . . .

Alphonso said...

We have to lose. We have to lose. We have to lose.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

Well that turned out to be surprisingly productive: two runs! Now all we have to do is NOTHING because we've hit (or surpassed) our per-game quota. Nothing more to see. Move on, move on...

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

Uh, perhaps I spoke too soon...