Monday, July 18, 2016

Yanks Win In Biggest Disaster Of The Season



Everyone knew that the fire sale would open today, as long as the Red Sox swept the Yankees in the nationally televised game last night.

Instead, Tanaka pitches great, and a 3-1 win was secured by our trio of ace relievers.

Just, exactly, what the fans did not want to happen.

Now, the little rich boy can sing again, " how great a team this is, and how confident I am that we will be in the playoffs and, from there, anything can happen."

There will be no need to get some long-term value ( prospects ) by trading guys on active roster.  True, players like Beltran and Chapman will walk at the end of the year and we'll get nothing, but they will keep us in the fight.  This is the same kind of long-term thinking that caused Hal Steinbrenner to, " bid against himself in the fight to re-sign an over the hill, no longer steroid-using, A-Rod for another 10 years."

What a deal that was, eh?

Chinese water torture is what we used to call it.  Not good ole USA waterboarding, but the slow, drip by drip road to insanity.  One boring drop at a time.  Until the listlessness and annoyance is so over-whelming , even the most ardent Yankee fan will yell, " I give up.  I'll tell you anything you want to know. I'll believe what you want me to believe.  I'l say what you want me to say.  Just turn off the fucking water."

The Yankees, of course, scored all their runs in one inning last night.  Ever other inning was like watching the sand shift at the edge of the Sahara.  Slow and unnoticed.  Piercingly uncomfortable but relentless.  Soon, one is blinded to the reality of any movement whatsoever, even while the sand is never truly idle.  Just deathly boring to watch.  The mind is so numbed that the appearance of an asp is welcome relief.  Yankee baseball, 2016.

So, this morning let's all raise a glass.  We are back in the game.   Our team persevered and showed  their mettle, on the biggest July game ever played by the Yankees. We are only a game under .500 and can breathe a sigh of relief.

For those of you hoping to land ( and perhaps get a chance to see play ) a few actual prospects in our inevitable march to the fringe of the one game play-in, I say;

 " This is the Yankees.  They never do anything smart.  Give up your dreams of being competitive in the future.  Enjoy the mud-soaked mediocrity right now.  And wallow in it."

The little rich boy who has never earned a dime, or done anything useful, was right again:

"This is a great team.  We don't need to do a single thing.  Hal will make the Yankees great again."  Just by being the little rich kid who does nothing.

6 comments:

joe de pastry said...

Totally accurate and beautifully stated.

el duque said...

But how do you really feel?

Anonymous said...

Alphonso--your Sahara imagery was master class. So it's time to out yourself--your some kind of professional writer hiding behind the character of am amiable, corpulent drunk. Who are you, Alphonso?

Anonymous said...

Make that "you're some kind of professional writer"--no edit function!

Anonymous said...

Read "JuJu Rules" (highly recommended), then do just a modicum of sleuthing, and you will know who Alphonso is - - trust me. You are right, though, he's highly intelligent, and highly educated, but I don't think the drinking shtick is entirely made up.

Anonymous said...

IT'S 2:30 IN THE MORNING.....I CAN'T SLEEP.....THIS TEAM, AND IT'S LEADERSHIP, IS DRIVING ME BERSERK...WE WON TONIGHT, BUT WE SUCK...(WE SCORED OUR FULL ALLOTMENT OF RUNS AGAIN-2)....BUT WHAT REALLY IS KEEPING ME UP IS THE TRADE RUMORS I'M READING.....WE ARE SUPPOSEDLY LOOKING AT A GUY NAMED DAN VOLHBACH WHO IS A TRIPLE A FIRST BASEMAN FOR THE CUBS AFFILIATE .....-THEN I DID A TRIPLE TAKE-.......... TRIPLE A FIRST BASEMAN???????? FIRST BASEMAN?????.... BUT DON'T WE HAVE A YOUNG, PROMISING, GREG BIRD COMING OFF INJURY, ALL READY TO STEP IN AND TAKE OVER NEXT SEASON???? .....WHY WOULD WE EVEN ENTERTAIN THE THOUGHT OF EVEN LOOKING AT A TRIPLE A FIRST BASEMAN??????..... ALREADY, I'M STUPEFIED!!!!!!....ONCE AGAIN, IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE OUR LEADERSHIP TEAM KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE DOING!!!..... IS THIS A JOKE?....CAN YOU IMAGINE US GETTING RID OF CHAPMAN OF EVEN MILLER (IN THIS, A HUGE SELLERS MARKET), FOR A TRIPLE A FIRST BASEMAN?????? ......THIS CAN'T BE TRUE, BUT THEN AGAIN, I ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT WITH BRIAN CASHMAN AND THE GANG, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE..... OR IN OTHER WORDS, FUCK OUR GOOD YOUNG PROSPECT, WE CAN GET ANOTHER TEAMS GOOD YOUNG PROSPECT INSTEAD.......I CAN'T SLEEP!