Saturday, September 10, 2016

More claims of sightings suggest the existence of "Brigadoon" Refsnyder

A series of strange, electromagnetic pulses that accompanied the storms over Gotham last night clearly left a few New Yorkers dazed and confused, in a Gary Johnson "What is Allepo, Toto?" sort of way. The storms roused numerous reports of the mythic creature known as "Rob Refsnyder" once again appearing in the new Yankee Stadium.

Moreover, they claim the mysterious entity known as "Brigadoon" - because he magically appears once or twice a season, then vanishes into the Upside-Down - went 2 for 4 with a walk, a run and an RBI. (Unfortunately, the creature does not know how to run bases. Apparently, in his Scrantonian netherworld, they do not have bases.)

According to Yankee allegory and legend, Refsnyder will disappear for a week, a month, maybe a year, before returning some night to help win another game.

That's the weirdest part of the Refsnyder phenomenon: It often coincides with a Yankee victory. You'd almost think the two events are linked. Crazy, eh? Some even wonder if there was a way to coax Refsnyder's ectoplasmic projection into the here and now - well, that's far beyond our science - and try to produce Yankee wins. As far as I can tell, that's the secret purpose of the Hadron Collider. Why doesn't Alex Jones get on this?

But listen... there is more to last night's game than the Refsnyder phenomenon. Get comfortable. Put on a pair of slippers. Crack a beer and open something from Pepperidge Farm. I plan to wax eloquent.  Some observations from last night's win - our sixth in a row.

1. I'm starting to worry about Dellin Betances. Not a lot. Just a little. He's struggling to hold 3-run leads. Has he been using Chasen Shreve's deodorant? It's been weeks since he left batters so terrified they were grateful to strike out on three pitches. Did Joe overuse him? (If so, I don't blame Joe; he had no choice.) But it would be the juju gods' joke on us if our bullpen causes a collapse. You can't trade two of the best closers in baseball and still have a lock-down staff. Something's gotta give. I hope it's not Dellin. He's one of ours.

2. Will Boston give Mark Teixeira a warm and gooey farewell party? (Yeah, that's a joke.) When Tex makes his final Fenway appearance, they'll boo him and then slowly morph into polite applause, which some ancient John Updyke statue will then extol as proof of the graceful, literary and truly wonderful Redsockian soul. Oh, he'll sing at the keyboard! Oh, it will be grand! Once again, they'll recap the last century, how they suffered and awww fukkit.. I say, GRRRR. Redsock fans are almost a reason to vote for Trump.

But Tex - wait; that's what I'm writing about - last night, the Tex message was that, though his days are growing shorter, and he won't finish 2016 a dime above .200... damn - the old guy can still lift us from our Medicare-paid power scooters. When the Yankees gonged A-Rod, there was an undercurrent of injustice mixed with spite, our boy-owner ditching one star while embracing the other. (In fairness, Alex couldn't field, and Tex remains our best defensive 1B; I am not suggesting there's a place for A-Rod, because those DH at-bats needed to go to Judge, Austin, Sanchez. But still... 696 home runs? They cut him at six-ninety-SIX? Ugh. Come on...) 

But last night might have been Tex's farewell. A grand slam wins a critical game in the most outlandish winning streak since Mad Anthony Wayne charged the enemy at Fallen Timbers. Watching Tex emerge for his curtain call, I almost cried. It's been a long seven years, not all of them happy. But the guy was always a rock of character. In recent weeks, when being replaced by no-names, Tex has never once peeped a gripe. The Yankees have made a big point about keeping A-Rod within the system next year. (That's because they own him.) I hope Tex returns in some capacity, maybe the broadcast booth.

3. WTF is up with Pineda? The guy cannot throw seven good innings, and let's face it: If he starts in a post-season series, nobody feels confident. It's amazing that if you go into the comments section of River Ave, you'll still find people arguing that Jesus Montero - Jesus of Scranton - will end up having a better career - and what's even more amazing is that - yes, it could happen! (Montero is an IL All-Star 1B in Toronto's farm system, in case you wondered.) I can't help but think Pineda is the next Ivan Nova - he'll go to some NL team, make a slight adjustment, and pitch really well... for a while. But I wouldn't give Nova a three-year deal if you held my balls in a tin-snip, and I'd put Pineda in there, too. Some guys just need a change of scenery; Pineda is one of them. Could we sign Jesus? We might be looking for a DH next year. This is stupid, but I don't want to lose that trade.

4. Has there ever been a stranger-looking Yankee pitcher than Blake Parker? Way he gawks at the catcher, he's almost Mark Fydrich territory.

5. Wait... there was something I was going to say. Oh, yeah. Let's not let this winning streak get in the way of mooning Big Papi! And check out the Moonvent Calendar. Local Bargain Jerk outdid himself.

4 comments:

John M said...


Pineda is a waste of space, but gee, what great stuff he has. When Michael Kay spends minute after minute talking about what a head case he is, you know he's outta here. Because when Kay badmouths someone, it's been sanctioned by the YES hierarchy. Whereas when Coney criticizes anyone at all, he gets fired.

Although it was embarrassing the way Kay kept going on about Pineda's hand size and asking his boothmates about theirs. I thought when he got married and had kids, those gay rumors were put to rest.

Anonymous said...

REFSNYDER PLAYS, WE WIN!....HE ALWAYS SEEMS TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP US WIN....NOW, AARON HICKS ON THE OTHER HAND.......

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

From the Lohud Yankees blog:

In his past 12 games, Rob Refsnyder is hitting .367 with eight runs and a .429 on-base percentage. He went 2-for-4 tonight.

.......!?!!!????

I'm Bill White said...

One of the best parts of this streak is that A-Rod is off the club. Juju giveth and juju taketh.