1. TELL NO ONE. Remember the first rule of Fight Club? Same with juju... but double.
2. HAVE ONE CHAIR FOR IN THE FIELD AND ONE FOR BEING AT BAT. Think of it as our over-shift.
3. DON'T WEAR YOU "LUCKY" SHIRT. There is no such thing. Don't be an idiot. If such a garment existed, you wouldn't own it.
4. IT IS OK TO ABUSE INANIMATE OBJECTS. After a bases-loaded strikeout, the nearest door needs a slamming. (Note: Americans do not waterboard appliances.) Also, see No. 5.
5. NEVER, EVER, HARM YOUR TV. No matter what happens, it's not her fault.
6. BE NEGATIVE. We're going to lose. Why am I bothering to say this? We WON'T win.
7. DO NOT HOST A VICTORY PARTY. Guaranteed defeat.
8. DO NOT PRAY FOR HELP. God doesn't fix games. He might resent you asking.
9. WHATEVER WORKS, STAY WITH IT. If Sanchez homers, and you're in the kitchen, stay put.
10. TONIGHT IS THE WORLD SERIES. If we lose, it's over - everything, done, gone, kaput. Are we clear?