Monday, September 5, 2016

Refsnyder starts game, helps win game, obviously must now disappear

Amateur observers around the globe Sunday claimed to have sighted Rob "Brigadoon" Refsnyder, a mysterious phenomenon that scientists say is a mass hallucination, caused by the dearth of Yankee runs.

The Refsnyder sightings - later denied by Yankee scouts - began Sunday afternoon and lasted for about 90 minutes, until Jacoby Ellsbury could be inserted into the lineup. During that period, the unexplained apparition was said to have played centerfield, and gone one for two with a walk and two runs scored, leading the team to a critical victory.

According to Yankee mythology, the Refsnyder creature will now disappear for many months. Nobody has ever been able to explain the rare visitations, though top Yankee scientists believe them to be three-dimensional astral projections, probably linked to hydro-fracking in central Pennsylvania.

Ancient fan legends tell of a Yankee rookie named "Refsnyder," who once strode too proudly into the Yankee clubhouse, without properly genuflecting to the gods. He homered to seal a critical victory over the Redsocks but was banished for his insolence to the coal mines near Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, where numerous sightings later occurred.

In a statement, the Yankees front office told fans not to panic or fear the Refsnyder creature, which they said does not exist.

"The silly season is over," general manager Brian Cashman told reporters. "The crazies have had their fun, pretending that Refsnyder actually played. Now we have to get back to the tedium of playing our regular players and not scoring any runs."

Yankee manager Joe Girardi took a whimsical tone to the sightings, joking with reporters that he expects to see "Refsnyder" sometime next June.

"There's Nessie, there's Bigfoot, and there's old Ref," the Yankee manager cracked. "Who knows if they truly exist, or if we'll ever see them again? Frankly, let's not ask such questions. Let's just be thankful that there are still mysteries in this world that fuel our imaginations. Hey, maybe next week, some nut-jobs will claim to have seen Dietrich Enns!"

13 comments:

Alphonso said...

My favorite is the continued presence of Mark Texiera, given a farewell tour by Joe. Tex now only hits into double plays, but he does it from both sides of the plate.

As a result of Joe's generosity, Tyler Austin sits. And sits. And develops not a lick.

Joe cannot manage a re-building team.

John M said...

I quibble with Alphonso's last sentence. Joe cannot manage a team.

Yesterday, the only thing that kept me from hurling a shoe at the TV was the idea that Jacoby was actually a defensive replacement. Though why he had to bat for Ref was inexplicable.

To paraphrase Dick Shawn in the original "The Producers," that's our little Joe.

ranger_lp said...

I don't think it's Joe that can't manage a re-building team...but that some of the lineup card and substitutions might be decided above Joe's pay grade....

Anonymous said...

EL DUQUE....COULD YOU PLEASE FIND OUT, IF YOU COULD, WHAT THE YANKEE RECORD IS WITH REFSNYDER IN THE STARTING LINEUP THIS YEAR?..... THE GUY ALWAYS SEEMS TO DO SOMETHING GOOD, EVEN IF HE DOESN'T GET A HIT, HE WALKS, GETS ON BASE, A SAC, OR SAC FLY, EVEN COULD STEAL A BASE...... WE RATHER PLAY AARON HICKS AND HIS .215 AVERAGE (WITH NO POWER, MAY I ADD), BECAUSE HE IS "TOOLSEY"....BUT REFSNYDER WHO WOULD PROBABLY HIT AT LEAST 50 - 70 POINTS HIGHER THAN HICKS,(NOT TO MENTION ABOUT A 70 - 80 POINT INCREASE IN ON BASE PERCENTAGE), CAN'T EVER CRACK THE LINEUP...(AND CASHMAN IS A SABERMETRICS "NUMBERS" GUY..... WE MAKE NO SENSE..... AGAIN.

Mustang said...

Good instinct, All-Caps Anonymous; we're 28-19 (.596) in games Rob Refsnyder played this year. This according to the Baseball Musings database.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU MR. MUSTANG!.... PLAY THE REF!!!!!

Rogerb said...

And of course Ellsbury, hitting for Reffie, hits into a tailor made double play, killing any scoring chance.

joe de pastry said...

You guys are overrating Refsnyder just because he hasn't had enough of a chance to disappoint you yet. I've seen nothing to get me to think he'll ever be even as "good" as Eduardo Nunez.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Good instinct, All-Caps Anonymous; we're 28-19 (.596) in games Rob Refsnyder played this year.

Do you think we could get someone to sneak into the Yankee clubhouse and slip this data point into Joe G's binder?

This looks like a job for Jason Grimsley!

Anonymous said...

How about a retirement day for Texiera immediately......Injured reserve for Gardner and Ellsbury....Designate for assignment Cashman and Girardi, plus whatever "coach" is helping Judge with his mechanics...and let's forget the Selig playoffs for 2017, and worry about the future

Anonymous said...

LBJ...I KINDA REMEMBER THE GRIMSLEY SHIT...LOL

Anonymous said...

OH HOW I HATE THE METS!!!..... EVERY TIME WE WIN, WE GAIN NO GROUND (BEING IN THE TOUGHEST DIVISION IN BASEBALL)...............THE METS?......EVERY TIME THEY WIN, THEY GAIN!...... EVERYONE ELSE NEAR THEM LOSES!.....NIGHT AFTER NIGHT!!!......THE WHOLE NL SUCKS!!!!........IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!.......SAME SHIT GOING ON FOR YEARS.....

Alphonso said...

As long as the Mets lose when it matters most, we'll be okay. I recall last years' World Series, for example.