FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Monday, September 5, 2016
Posted by el duque at 7:45 AM
The Refsnyder sightings - later denied by Yankee scouts - began Sunday afternoon and lasted for about 90 minutes, until Jacoby Ellsbury could be inserted into the lineup. During that period, the unexplained apparition was said to have played centerfield, and gone one for two with a walk and two runs scored, leading the team to a critical victory.
According to Yankee mythology, the Refsnyder creature will now disappear for many months. Nobody has ever been able to explain the rare visitations, though top Yankee scientists believe them to be three-dimensional astral projections, probably linked to hydro-fracking in central Pennsylvania.
Ancient fan legends tell of a Yankee rookie named "Refsnyder," who once strode too proudly into the Yankee clubhouse, without properly genuflecting to the gods. He homered to seal a critical victory over the Redsocks but was banished for his insolence to the coal mines near Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, where numerous sightings later occurred.
In a statement, the Yankees front office told fans not to panic or fear the Refsnyder creature, which they said does not exist.
"The silly season is over," general manager Brian Cashman told reporters. "The crazies have had their fun, pretending that Refsnyder actually played. Now we have to get back to the tedium of playing our regular players and not scoring any runs."
Yankee manager Joe Girardi took a whimsical tone to the sightings, joking with reporters that he expects to see "Refsnyder" sometime next June.
"There's Nessie, there's Bigfoot, and there's old Ref," the Yankee manager cracked. "Who knows if they truly exist, or if we'll ever see them again? Frankly, let's not ask such questions. Let's just be thankful that there are still mysteries in this world that fuel our imaginations. Hey, maybe next week, some nut-jobs will claim to have seen Dietrich Enns!"