Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Open Letter to the Yankiverse: Shame, shame, SHAME ON YOU for hypocritically turning on Arod!

Dear Madams and Sirs,

Yesterday, you went crazy because Alex Rodriguez's name was found scribbled on a piece of paper in an abandoned office. Ever since, you've been combing the stygian depths of the legal profession in hopes of finding a way to screw Arod out of his contract - and thus save the Steinbrenners heirs a little money.

Hey, with such loyal fans, the Yankees must surely feel secure when they step into the batters' box. In fact, next time a bar of soap drops in the Yankiverse shower, remind me not to bend over to pick it up. 

Frankly, you disgust me. I speet on you.

Alex Rodriguez led us to the 2009 World Series. He won the MVP for us. Twice. He is recovering from a deteriorating hip, his second one. He is struggling to return to the team and contribute for the second half. He is injured. Nobody thinks he is faking it. He was benched in the post-season, having played in pain, and he never complained or used it as an excuse. In all his time as a Yankee, he has never jogged out a grounder, not one. His new "crime" is not even circumstantial - it's guilt by association, it's actually beyond that: He's been torpedoed by selected leaks to the media, which considers anything about Arod to be fair game. Oh, Yankiverse, and while you're siding with our owners - heirs who inherited the team - remember that they will basically just pocket all the money anyway, because they were gracious enough to not fight Bud Selig's new MLB rules that were surgically designed to destroy one team - the Yankees.

Ptttuuui.

Actually, I take it back. Alex Rodriguez is guilty of one horrible crime. He grew old. Who knows? Maybe the drugs he took early in his career added to it. But let me assure you, Arod wasn't alone. He was just the biggest, fattest and easiest target to bring down. And many of the fukking self-righteous dorktards out there, the players holding him in contempt, are just Lance Armstrongs waiting to be undressed. And the sportswriters are the same ones that swallowed Manti Te'o - hook, line and catfish.

The Steinboys signed a bad contract with Arod. Nobody made them do it. They did it because they were fools. Now, they will put on a full-court press, with help from the sportswriting/access industry, to bring down the player and void the deal.

Listen: You can boo a guy for many reasons. Buy a ticket, and you get you yell whatever you want. And the Steinbrenners - not Arod - have built a system where only wealthy people can afford tickets. So boo Arod if you wish.

But for my money, you cannot boo a guy for getting old.

If Arod were hitting, if he were five years younger, you'd be rallying behind him.

And don't kid yourselves: After they take down Arod, they'll put a full-court press on Jeter. DON'T KID YOURSELVES, COMRADES. THEY WILL COME FOR MARIANO, AND THEY WILL COME FOR ANDY, AND THEY WILL COME FOR JETER. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SCRAPS OF PAPER WITH SOMEBODY'S NAME ON IT.

Shame on you all. Shame, shame, shame. I speeet on you. Pttuuuuui. 

6 comments:

Alphonso said...

Methinks most of the complainers believed the money freed up would not be spent on new patent leather loafers for Hank & Hal, but rather on acquiring some real talent.

You have correctly pointed out that it would all be for the loafers. And I mean that in every sense.

bennyboy said...

Duque let me present you with my realist argument. Hal is not George. He's just not. He doesn't want to spend money. Therefore, A-Rod's prohibitively large contract directly leads to the team's conservative offseasons. I have no basis for hoping that Hal will sell the team to a less frugal owner. But I do have a basis for hoping that A-Rod's contract can be voided, or at least that he can be bought out.

Secondly, I am 25 years old. I became a fan in 1996. So I'm one of those spoiled fans. That said, I never EVER supported the acquisition of A-Rod. I hated that trade, even though I disliked Alfonso Soriano. The third worst Yankee moment of my life (first is 2001 Game 7, second is 2004 Game 7) was when I heard over the radio that the Yankees were giving A-Rod a new 10 year contract during the 2007 offseason. I almost drove into a tree (I was driving). Looking back, I wish I had driven into a tree.

After 2009, I promised the Lord and all my friends that I would stop ripping A-Rod. And I did. I refused to rip him. I supported him during this past October, despite his horrific performance. But I never liked him, I never considered him a true Yankee, and I don't want him on this team.

The fact that the ownership is screwing the fans over with their frugality is a completely separate issue from A-Rod. Moreover, fans who connect A-Rod's salary with the front office's inability to pursue free agents are simply being realistic. A-Rod's salary is around 15% of Hal's dream budget. Wipe that out, and you can buy two Nick Swishers.

bennyboy said...

My last post is like an epic poem. It's endless.

bennyboy said...

Come on, Alphonso. They wouldn't all be loafers. Sometimes Cashman gets lucky, a la Nick Swisher. Or Michael Pineda. :)

Thanks for making my argument in one sentence.

George Herman Ruth said...

So I told Alex, in no uncertain terms. Hot dogs. Lots of 'em. Beer, every label imaginable. You CAN be a bad boy and still attain Yankee greatness. Alex replied, "Yeah! I get it! That's why David Wells wanted to wear your cap in a regulation game!". I did my best with Alex, folks, but buxom blondes and beach houses in Miami obscured my words of wisdom. Hey, ya got a bottle opener around here?

Bye Bye Balboni said...

Jeez, it seems like Yankees fans hate A-Rod more than any player this side of Kevin Youkil... oh, right, he's replacing A-Rod at third this year. At least until he gets injured.

I have nothing against A-Rod, personally. You might remember another self-absorbed power-hitting jerk who donned the pinstripes several years back, went by the name of Reggie Jackson. Ricky Henderson wouldn't have been my first invite to a dinner party, either.

I'm with you on this one, Duque.