Thursday, August 29, 2013

If this were an election, they'd call it, and not even Karl Rove would disagree

Last week, using barbaric kitchen math, I calculated that the Yankees could sustain 10 losses over the final month and still win that fraudulent, second, one-game Wild Card berth. Frankly, I was being optimistic - but, hell, I'm a sunny guy. (I see a 2-1 count as "half full," not half-empty.) Truth is, 10 losses might not even cut it. 

Well, we're now down to eight losses in the month of September. And who anticipated that two would come at the club-foot hands of our genetic-ape cousins, the Toronto Blue Jays?

Well, it could still happen. It just won't, that's all. Everybody knows it. Last night, the late Tim Russert would have pulled out his chalkboard and crossed us off his list. Nate Silver would still be color-coding his chart. If we consider the YES Network to be the Yankee version of Fox News - a fair comparison, by the way - they will hem and haw until eight losses are in the books. But it's only a matter of time before Coney blurts out the truth: That bomb we've been holding since last winter, vowing to cut payroll, has finally gone off.

Between Robbie Cano's hand and Eduardo Nunez's knee, we could easily see Alberto Gonzalez as our month of September's infield centerpiece.

We have Hiroki Kuroda, who Girardi has worked all season like a rented mule, cracking under the strain.

And then there is Phil Hughes, the latest flaring toothache of the Yankiverse: Everyone wants him thrown into the bullpen, if not the ocean... but who pitches in his place? Chris Bootcheck? 

Eight losses? We might be hard-pressed to deliver eight wins.

I believe last night offered a microcosm of 2013's final month. We were gone early, so if you had a movie - (We watched "Hitchcock," harmless, though Anthony Hopkins didn't look one iota like the title character) - or Predator drone to rewire (mine's been hiccuping lately) you didn't have to worry about missing anything: The 2013 Yankees are not a team that comes back from a seven-run deficit.

Or a team that goes 21-8 in September.

Oh well, let's enjoy the next week. The playoffs have begun.


KD said...

I have mixed feelings about the post season this year. I feel I should be rooting for that, if only to stick it to the A-Rod haters. But do I really want to watch the Yanks get pounded by Detroit again (if they make it that far)? Do we want to become the Atlanta Braves of the AL?

JM said...

I thought we WERE the Atlanta Braves of the AL? Except for 2009, of course.

I still haven't bothered to go up to the Stadium this year. It's much more convenient and a lot cheaper to watch this debacle from a distance.

Cue the teary Bette Midler song.

And what is it with the Predator drones, anyway? Ours has never really worked right, except for that one time we sent it over the nude beach. And that wasn't worth it, to be honest.

Alberto Gonzalez, Cy Young candidate, said...

Hey, don't forget I can shore up that bullpen, too.

Yogi said...

It's over.

joe de pastry said...

Suzuki stinks. Knowing that he and Vernon Wells will be in pinstripes again next year makes me want to puke.