Thursday, October 27, 2016

Five reasons to trade for... GAHHHHHHHHH!

Yesterday, New Jersey dot com - the online embodiment of onion rings, big hair and proposed gubernatorial candidate Joe Piscopo - phlegmed-up five "reasons" why the Yankees should trade their newly recharged farm system for 33-year-old Miguel Cabrera. Supposedly, Detroit will let him go for the right price and - hell - he'll only make $212 million over the next seven years. That's chickenfeed to folks who run click-bait websites. Why, Cabrera can play first, freeing us to trade Greg Bird for pitching and ARE YOU FUKKING KIDDING ME? TRADE FOR ANOTHER OLD GUY, FADING INTO HIS TWILIGHT? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! THIS IS A JOKE, RIGHT? MOE, LARRY, CHEESE! MOE, LARRY, CHEESE... GYAHHHHHHHAHAHAHA...

Sorry about that. I'm okay now. It's just that - haha - sometimes these ideas, they just sort of, you know, I mean, it's like, it's not, you know, it's just, I mean WTF? WHAT THE FUKKK? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT DETROIT WOULD DEMAND FOR MIGUEL CABRERA? LEMME GIVE YOU A HINT. AINT GONNA BE BLAKE PARKER. MORE LIKE BLAKE RUTHERFORD. THEY'LL WANT AARON JUDGE! THEY'LL WANT CLINT FRAZIER! THEY'LL WANT SEVERINO, TORRES, MATEO, YOUR FIRST BORN. THEY'LL PUT HIM UP FOR BIDS AND SQUEEZE EVERY LAST MOLECULE OF DNA FROM OUR SYSTEM, AND THEN WE'LL HAVE THE GUY ON SHAKY KNEES THROUGH AGE 41, AND WE WON'T HAVE LEARNED A FUKKING THING. I'M STILL EXPECTING US TO TRADE FOR CANO AS SOON HIS HIPS ARE SHOT. JEEZUS H. MONTERO, ARE WE STILL PLAYING THAT FANTASY GAME WHERE ALL THE OTHER TEAMS ARE STUPID, AND THEY'LL JUST GIVE AWAY PLAYERS FOR NOTHING? JEEEEEEZUS ACHE MONTERO! I CANNNNNN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU HEAR ME? I CAN'T TAKE IT!

Okay, better now. I respectfully submit... I respectfully submit... that if we want an aging slugger who costs $28 to $32 million per season over the next seven years, Edwin Encarnacion would do. But listen: The Yankees are at the crossroads. They can stick with a wave of youth that eventually puts us into a position to win multiple titles, like the Cubs are now. Or they can trade the system, chase the Danny Tartabulls and Vernon Wellses and tread water at .500, perennially competing for wild card berths.

Can our front office stay disciplined and work for the future? Or will it go back to the liquor bottle and do exactly what got us into this mess? That is the question of this winter. Everything else is just click-bait.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

CABRERA NO.............. ENCARNACION YES.

John M said...

Are Tartabull and Welles available? Just askin'....

Anonymous said...

love the way Encarnacion rounds the bases after an HR as if he has a parrot on his arm. only cool thing about the BJs, BTW.

Alphonso said...

If they don't remain committed to the program....we will have to take up arms.