Monday, May 29, 2023

Send Us Your Dreams!

 The Dream Catcher Interprets Your Dreams!

Dear Dream Catcher,

I have a recurring dream where I'm sitting in a rather bland, modern stadium, watching a baseball game. A voice behind me says, "This ball club really has a chance to go all the way!" I say, "But this is the exact same team I saw last year.  And the year before that."

Then a short, smug-looking bald man appears, and tells me that I expect too much, and anyway, the playoffs are a crap shoot. 

What should I make of this?

—Déjà vu All Over Again

Dear Déjà,

Obviously, the handsome gentleman you saw is a sage, a man of great and unusual wisdom—perhaps even a genie, or holy man. You should trust him to be right in everything he says, and disregard the evidence of your own eyes.

Dear Dream Catcher,

The other night, I dreamed that I watching a baseball game in a rather, bland modern stadium. I was so bored that I went to the refreshment stand, even though I knew there was nothing there that I would ever allow in my own home. 

I ordered a beer, a hot dog, and something called "Cracker Jack," though I'm not really sure what that is. To my shock, the short, smug, bald man behind the counter told me that this would cost $119.63—even though something was clearly moving inside the Cracker Jack box.

Why would I dream something so horrible?

—Katie Casey  

Dear Katie,

I don't understand your question. Baseball is never boring. And the price you mentioned for so much wholesome nourishment sounds quite reasonable to me. Also, I feel you should better appreciate the generosity of the taxpayers who no doubt built that stadium you find "rather bland."

Dear Dream Catcher,

I had a terrible nightmare last week, one in which I was trying to find the channel on which my favorite baseball team—you know, the one that plays in that rather bland, modern stadium—was playing.

But every channel I went to was either not showing the game, or required a large fee to subscribe. And went I went online to see what was going on, a short, smug, bald man appeared to tell me that the game had started at 11:30 in the morning!

What can such an outlandish nightmare possibly mean?


Dear Shaken,

What in the world is wrong with watching a ballgame that starts before noon? That gives you all the more time to shop online for your favorite team's paraphernalia. 

And what's wrong with many other channels televising your team? Shouldn't they get a chance to show the game, too? What do you have against them?

Obviously, you are a deeply disturbed person, one who should probably be committed at once!

That's all for today. It is to be hoped that next time, we will have fewer letters from people who are such malcontents, and so obviously deranged.

Until then, remember, folks: Send us your dreams!!!



AboveAverage said...

Dear Dream Catcher,

Last night I dreamed I was watching a Netflix documentary called They Lie.

The episode featured the Rawlings MLB baseball factory in Costa Rica.

Dozens of happy workers were seated at their work stations busily making baseballs. The host of the show translated what the on-camera company representative was saying - that this was one of the most coveted jobs to have in their country. The pay was good and the hours were reasonable enough so that all of the employees could get home and spend quality time with their families . . .

Suddenly the music became sinister and the lights started flashing as camera swung around to the host who looked into the camera and yelled, BUT THEY LIE!

With a collective gasp all of the workers slipped into deep, zombie-like trances. Then they all started to bring up and spit out completed baseballs into plexiglass collection buckets.

When the host rushed over to one of the buckets, grabbed and held a dripping ball up to the camera and screamed, THEY LIE! I woke up.

What do you think it means?

Rufus T. Firefly said...


I'd recommend not double dosing the brown acid.

It can lead to bad flashbacks.

Otherwise, enjoy the second set of the dead concert.

Rufus T. Firefly said...


Franklin's Tower was playing on pandora, so I just went with the flow.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

As far as my dream goes...

Lonn Trost has a bloody severed very bald head in his arms.

He says "Everyone stay away or HAL gets it!"

They he throws a bunker buster flash bomb onto HAL's third favorite yacht (that he has to be on because his first is having a new helipad installed, and the second is having the gilded bathroom fixtures being replaced with platinum.)

After the explosion and the multiple investigations, it's revealed that HAL is actually the love child of Bernie Madoff and Liza Minnelli.

The Yankees are then auctioned off with Elon Musk and El Duque fighting for control.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Oh and Rizzo is out tonight.

Black Swan, the yankees are on your time zone now. Thanks for fucking us all. Only three days until the marquis de sade's birthday. I hope you're happy.

AboveAverage said...

Rizzo = Concussion Protocol . . .

Brown Acid, Roofy?

Is that what these home plate umpires have been rubbing these balls up with?

That explains it all.

TheWinWarblist said...

Do you need to lick the whole ball to get a full dose?

AboveAverage said...


Whilst it isn’t necessary - it may be the only way to achieve total Unwavering Positivity

Rufus T. Firefly said...


You are obviously one of youngsters here. Must have been nice growing up with color TV on all 3 networks.

As a small tutorial:


If you do all four panels of the windowpane, you will likely hear Jorma when you open your refrigerator door. Open and close if you want to skip to the next song on the 8-track.

ranger_lp said...


BTR999 said...

Bader hurt again

ranger_lp said...


BTR999 said...

You may take it with however many grains of salt that you wish. That the brown acid that is circulating around us isn't too good. It is suggested that you stay away from that. Of course it's your own trip. So be my guest, but please be advised that there is a warning on that one, ok?

BTR999 said...

Who needs Bader when you’ve got…Greg Allen

BTR999 said...

Hamstring Injury for Bader

Singing: “See you…in September…”

AboveAverage said...

BTR - 23 or 24 ?

ranger_lp said...

Judge Again!!!

BernBabyBern said...

It’s scary what Aaron Judge can do when he gets some solid protection behind him in the lineup … like Willie Calhoun.

AboveAverage said...

Willie Protection is important and highly advised in most situations!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Bauers is a @!#% idiot.

How the hell can you be in the majors that long, and not grasp basic fundamentals? He's on 2B, and IKF hits a single to center that should have scored him easily.

It doesn't, because Bauers STOPS halfway to third and decides to look behind him and see where the ball is.

Hey, jerkwad: USE YOUR 3B COACH!!! How can you NOT know that?

Of course, with men on first and third, one out, 7th inning, Higgy up, Boone does not feel the need to put on a play, just let Higgy ground into a DP. Genius all around.

AboveAverage said...

breath HOSS breath

AboveAverage said...

Marinaccio is the cherry on top of my bullpen

AboveAverage said...

WAKE UP people - there's a Yankees game on!

AboveAverage said...

Sleep is important - I get it - So I don’t mean anything negative from my previous message. Thank you

BTR999 said...

@AA better hope it’s ‘23…next man up might be Kole Calhoun

HoraceClarke66 said...

We understand, AA. We understand.

BernBabyBern said...

You know, this Judge kid for the Yanks just might turn out to be an OK player …

AboveAverage said...

Damn Hoss - were you referring to my dream or the other things?

AboveAverage said...

The Yankees win! The Yankees WON!

HoraceClarke66 said...

I think we are going to have to start a new stat for Judge: HRs + HRs Prevented. Tonight the total was 3. Plus a double.

Oh, doctor!

The Archangel said...

If Bader is hurt, this would be a great time for Cashman to negotiate an 6 year extension with him.
Bader will have plenty of time to read all the fine print.

edb said...

Dear Dream Catcher:
Genius Cashman and Buffoon Boone go away, never to return.