Skinny Stanton, the Snell staredown, and a new flamethrower light up Camp Hellbent

Like Frampton long ago, Tampa has come alive. Every morning, it's like Dorothy stepping into Oz. Every returning vet, every emerging rook, every tool in the box, every dingleberry in the shower - it's cause for unbridled hope. 

Such is the beauty, the wonderment, of pre-spring. 

Across Camp Hellbent, sunblock-smeared Gammonites stand in awe of the rock-ribbed backstories that now gush from every tap. If Ponce de Leon could see this, he could die in peace, having found the Fountain. Yesterday, Juan Soto gave his first press conference. (That's what they do; like Ari Fleischer, they call press conferences.) He said nothing, but nobody cared. The stars walk a mowed red carpet, posing in their midnight blues and projecting one grand assurance.

Everything will be okay. 

Everyone will be a star. 

This year will be different: Everything will come together.

So, enjoy the joy. Meanwhile, here are the trope storylines...

1. The dieters. Seen the shots of Giancarlo Stanton? He's dropped a stone, maybe more. (O, o, o, Ozempic?) Weight loss - the fading superstar who quit the kugel this Christmas - is one of the great traditions of spring. Long ago, we saw it with CC Sabathia. Later, Gary Sanchez. It's the first sign that a slugger or ace recognizes an existential threat to his career, that even though the spring days are getting longer, his time in The Show is growing shorter. 

This week, both Giancarlo and Carlos Rodon reported looking as toned as Miley Cyrus. Let's hope it works. For both stars, it's sorta now or never. If Rodon doesn't bounce back from 2023, he probably never will. And if Giancarlo flounders, the Yankees will disappear him. He's faltered now for two years. As Auric Goldfinger said, "Once is happenstance, twice coincidence, and three times is enemy action." The Yankees cannot win with a DH who hits .190. 

2. The last hope. Blake Snell and Jordan Montgomery remain holdouts, and - frankly - WTF? (Especially Montgomery, a perfect fit in Texas. What is wrong with the Rangers?) 

Either would greatly elevate the Yankees' chances in 2024. In fact, it's so painfully obvious, so abundantly clear, considering the thin rotation, which is likely to crack before opening day. Apparently, runner-ups and wild cards will be Hal Steinbrenner's legacy, and he's okay with that. 

Every day, sportswriters squeeze out copy suggesting the Yankees are still in on Snell, even though Hal insists they are done. It's like kids on Christmas morning, holding out for the pony. At this point, I hesitate to even mention the rumor. It will just hurt more when they sign with the Jays or the Mets. 

3. The fireballer. In this case, it's Nick Burdi, a 31-year-old, RH, non-roster invitee who has been kicking around the majors since 2018, never throwing more than 10 innings in a season. He's 6'3," 225, so the worms will know he's out there. He's impressed the Yankees, and good for him.

I Googled the guy. This I know: The issue has never been his ability to throw hard. It's all about the ligaments, the things that go pop in the night. If his arm holds together, Nick Burdi can help this team. Remember that name. And light a candle for his gaskets. 

Everything is beautiful. Spring is coming, everybody. Peel me a grape.