Tonight, the secret CIA Super Bowl PSYOP campaign will end. Here's what will happen.

At considerable expense and personal danger, this website has obtained exclusive, top-secret documents outlining the CIA's covert operation, a PSYOP campaign known to top governmental officials as the "Tray-Lor Super Death."

I don't want to overwhelm you with insider jargon that you won't understand, but let's just say this op began last September as a classic honeypot. It involves a sexy, surgically enhanced money badger and a dimwitted football jock, a useful idiot, plus the plausible deniability firewalls that accompany any decent intelligence sting. Wink, wink. Tsk, tsk. If I say anything more, someone will die.

The operation, which ends tonight, has already succeeded beyond the wildest dreams of its architects. By October, the targeted New York Football Giants were surgically neutered, and the feared emergence of rising superstar Tommy DeVito was delayed for at least another year. By choosing to live at home, and having  his mother cook and clean for him, DeVito posed a generational threat to the U.S. economy. The Tray-Lor" op ensured the Giants would flop, reminding millennials to move their asses, and to let the nation heal.

The 2024 Presidential race will hinge on tonight's final strategy. 

Here's what will happen:

Shortly after the opening kickoff, a secret military aircraft carrying Super Agent T-Swift will land in the desert, outside Las Vegas. She will arrive late in the second quarter, escorted by a huge contingent of supermodels and cabana boys, with the KC Chiefs down by 14 points.

Her inspirational presence in the KC skybox will rally the Chiefs. They will cut the SF lead to only six points, with only seconds left to play. Then, a "hail Mary" bomb from Agent KC-15 will be caught by Agent KC-87, who will then bob and weave his way through the (drugged and manipulated) SF defense and score the winning touchdown. 

In the ensuing jubilation, Agent T-Swift will lean too far over the skybox wall, lose her grip and tumble 100 feet to her death. 

She will, of course, be a animated robot mannequin, with the real super agent hidden safely from view. 

Hearing the sudden silence of the crowd, and sensing something has gone dreadfully wrong, Agent KC-87 will climb his way to the accident scene, where the corpse is still robotically writhing. He will clutch the mannequin to his CIA-enhanced breasts and unveil the engagement ring he had carried throughout the entire contest, (which had proven useful in gouging the eyes of defenders.) 

Into network cameras already in place, Agent KC-87 will shout to the heavens, and the nation at large: "Cannot we as a country dismiss our petty differences and come together as one? This woman may be dead, but in the name of unity, I still want to marry her!" 

In the TV broadcast booth, Special Agent Romo will say, "Wait? They're not married? I thought they were married." 

Somewhere, at home in Jersey, DeVito will be defeated and sent to his room. The nation will mourn, as one.