Yank bats visit Zone of Totality, and other observations, following a 0-0 tie

How to explain last night? Dim lights?  Tired bats? Sunspots? UFOs? The Mystery History Channel should delve into this unexplained phenomenon. Seriously... W.T.F? 

Picture a seemingly normal evening in Tampa. Clear skies. Light winds. Eight thousand in attendance. A veteran umpiring crew. Two regular MLB starting lineups. And then... a curtain of nothingness rolls in on the horizon...

Two teams play a full nine innings, 27 outs apiece, without scoring... 

Not. One. Run. 

The mighty Marlins manage five hits, the hellbent Yankees, two. And it's not Koufax v Ford, either. It's Weathers v Beeter. Eleven Yanks fan. Two work walks. Nobody threatens. Nothing happens. It's as if a floating Bermuda Triangle suddenly covers Cigar City, bringing a Zone of Totality to eclipse every Yank bat except Giancarlo Stanton and Anthony Volpe, who contribute the two hits.  

It's as if the '23 Yankees have risen from their grave to roam the earth again. Nine innings, nothing. Scary... 

Today's Gammonitic narratives mostly invoke the performance of Clayton Beeler, who threw three scoreless innings and fanned four. Okay, fine. Any decent outing by any viable Yank pitcher gives us hope that rejecting Blake Snell and Jordan Montgomery won't turn out to be the defining mistake of 2024.

By now, I believe it's clear that Hal Steinbrenner is not playing three-dimensional chicken with Scott Boras - that he simply will not sign another pitcher, even if they accept one-year deals. The Death Barge is done spending, even if one of our key starters tweaks a thingy. The big question is whether either free agent pitcher could land in our backyard. 

Steve Cohen could still snag one, or both, furthering the sense that NYC is turning Met. That may be inevitable, as the billionaire seeks to show off his financial testosterone. Of more direct concern, though, is the AL East. Tampa and Baltimore won't sign anybody, but Toronto and/or Boston could jump in. Each would improve quickly, threatening the Yankees wild card chances. 

Another finish out of the postseason could leave the Yankees in ruins. 

So, what did happen last night? Did we glimpse the future? 

For now, I'm going with global warming. The butterfly that flaps its wings in China creates the atmospheric river over Los Angeles, which cools the bats in Sarasota. That's all we need to know.

If Clayton Beeter is for real, he poses an existential threat to - well - Luke Weaver. I guess that sums it up. Beeter or Weaver? And WTF is going on?