The numbers surrounding Aaron Judge defy human comprehension

I cannot fully imagine the numbers that regularly swirl around Aaron Judge. I don't need a laptop, or a calculator, or a scratch pad. I need a drink. To fathom these abstractions, you need not only an Albert Einstein, but a Yogi Berra.

Consider these imaginary numbers:  

--- In December of 2022, Judge signed a 9-year, $360 million deal with the Yankees. Three hundred sixty million dollars. To count to 360,000,000, adding one digit per second, it will take you 13 months. To travel 360 million inches, you must drive from NY to LA, then turn around and shuttle back to Indianapolis, a trip that raises the existential question: What's the point?  

--- That month, the Padres offered Judge $400 million, and the Giants were said to have conjured even more. But what are these numbers? They're like infinity-plus-one. They can only be fathomed by supercomputers and toad-lickers. After a certain point, who cares?

--- On April 27, Judge was batting a woeful .190 - below Mendoza, in the province of Zolio Almonte - and Yank fans were openly wondering if he were hiding an injury, and whether he'd hit a lick this season. He looked terrible, and he was costing us games. It was time to think about dropping him in the batting order. 

--- In the month of May, Judge compiled an OPS of 1.472. What does this mean? Nobody knows. It's just a bizarre number. But it was the largest OPS in MLB, and more than 200 points ahead of the OPS runner-up, Jose Ramirez. It's double the OPS's of both Mookie Betts and Randy Arozarena. It's - oh, fukkit - it's a goddam big OPS. 

--- Over the last 30 days, in all of baseball, Judge leads in HRs (14), is 2nd in RBIs (27), and 2nd in batting average (.387). This is a supernatural output, in the mystical realms of Ruth, DiMaggio and Mantle. Not long ago, the baseball world was extolling the greatness of Shohei Ohtani - and I do not mean to disrespect Ohtani - but there is no one in the game like Aaron Judge, and I thank God, or the algorithms of Destiny, that he is a Yankee. 

But there is something missing here, and unlike Judge's numbers, it is quite easily understood. What's missing is a world series ring. And it better happen this year, because come October 30, if the Yankees aren't preparing for the Canyon of Heroes, all these fancy numbers will be in the distant past.