In about three weeks - a few catastrophic storms, celebrity breakups and ICE atrocities - pitchers and catchers will report to civilization, and the Big Yankee Wheel will begin to grind, anew.
It would be wonderous to think that, over those three weeks, the Yankees would spend some leftover grist to improve - rather than recreate - last year's first-runner-up contestant. Why kid ourselves?
The Yankees will decamp to Tampa with the same basic lineup that finished second last year and was blown out by Toronto every time they faced off. This team is weaker, due to the shredded bullpen. Instead of Luke Weaver and Devin Williams, the Yankees will trot out Caleb Ort and a Rule 5 pick named Cade Winquest. (You can't make this up.) Moreover, once they lose a pitcher or two in spring training - (Fun Fact: they always do) - the A.I. system that runs them will start shouting "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
The remaining question is not whether Cooperstown Cashman will remake this team, but what he'll do to it by chasing his "great white whale," the starting pitcher who could carry this team into October. Maybe he'll trade The Martian. Maybe Spencer Jones, or one of our four prospects recently named on Baseball America's Top 100:
George Lombard Jr., (#46) shortstop who will make us forget Anthony Volpe.
Elmer Rodriguez (#59) fireballer who will make us forget Carlos Narvaez (Redsock catcher we traded for him.)
Dax Kilby (#61) last year's 1st round pick, who hit well at Single A, who will make us forget George Lombard Jr.
Carlos Lagrange (#93), who hits 100 mph on the jugs gun, and who will make us forget - um - can't remember.
The list of Cashman's pitching failures spans the eras of Kevin Brown and Javier Vasquez all the way to Sonny Gray and Nathan Eovaldi, with a few Michael Pinedas and Ian Kennedys to thicken the broth. It's an impressive list of failures, a chronicle of our misfortunes.
He's got three weeks to trade young for old. The Yankee way. We've got three weeks to live in fear. Get low and stay away from windows. Won't be long.
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14 comments:
Dumb clucks.
Cuck ducks.
Yuck fucks.
Dumb schmucks.
No Cfucks
Will these four prospects make the roster. I doubt it. Lombard Jr. hits. 230 at AA. I think that does not equate to a respectable batting average in the majors.
"Dax Kilby (#61) last year's 1st round pick, who hit well at Single A, who will make us forget George Lombard Jr."
Good one.
The hype machine is already at work on it.
Aug. 21st is Spencer Jones Golden Sombrero Night. ALL FANS (14 and under) will receive a commemorative replica sombrero, sponsored by ICE. Be sure to bring at least 2 proofs of citizenship, or it’s Adios!
New power rankings from BR: We're number 5!!
The reasoning is hillarious, though. "the Yankees have avoided getting worse this offseason."
Never before have I heard such a ringing endorsement of a front office.
That's a low bar, indeed. Remember when the dynasty teams strove to improve every year, even when they won the Series? That's because they wanted to win. This owner and GM don't care about winning.
🤑
I used to think, on the Yankees since 2009: "Well, it sux, but it can't last too much longer."
Now, at age 72, I think: "Well, the Yankees suck, but I can't last too much longer."
There are ways out of this. . . .
When do we start the betting pool the first pitcher who "felt a little tight after two pitches" so we're going to rest him a few days a wait and see? Until two and a half months later he'll have TJ and we hope to get him back better than ever for the (nonexistent) 2027 playoffs!
The date of the BooneCash (pronounced "bunkum") quote, not the name of the pitcher--that would be cruel even for me.
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