It's wrong. It is a mistake. My apologies.
The fact is, Tarik Skubal could someday be a Yankee.
It would happen around 2036, when he's 39, liver-spotted, gouted and moving like Kathy Bates after a 12-pack of Genny Cream. His sinker will have sunk, his fastball won't fast, and our beacon of ownership, Hal Steinbrenner, will be hooked up to an apparatus that honks once for no, twice for yes. By then, if we're unlucky enough to still be alive, the Yankees will be finishing behind Rutgers in the chase for tabloid back pages. Ten years out. Beaten and bedraggled. A symbol of the dystopia. That's when Skubal could be a Yankee.
Meanwhile, for now, he is a Tiger, with a $32 million arbitration award that will burn a hole in Detroit's fanny pack because - as everyone knows - any pitcher, at any time, can clutch his elbow, summon the trainer, shake his head and march off the field, never again the player he was. Wanna torture Phillies fans? Ask them about Zack Wheeler. The Tigers today must be shitting themselves. They've got baseball's best pitcher, and somehow, between now and July 31, they've got to either build a huge lead in the AL Central, or convert him into more than just a future draft pick.
So, around Aug 1, at least three teams will bid manically for Skubal. In each case, their plans will revolve around the team not in the hunt: the Yankees.
The main bidders:
1. The Dodgers. No surprise here. They are baseball's marquee team. They are what the Yankees once were, and - I suppose - are still supposed to be. What a joke. I wonder what Hal will think when the Dodgers buy another championship, without guilt, without remorse, and without showing the slightest financial pinch? They play to win, as Hal's father did. But, hey, Hal gets to count his pennies. It must be reassuring to stand pat, sit back, and still make billions.
2. The Mets. They'll soon be NYC's premier baseball team. Why can I say this? Because they really, really want it - and Hal doesn't. All his life, the Yankees have owned Gotham, and what did it get him? He still has to pay the rent, and all the fans do is whine, whine, whine. His dad was one of the first to encourage Trump to run for president, but Donald won't be coming to any games, unless they buy out the stadium (like Amazon did the theaters, for Melania) to tamp down the booing. The Mets have money, a hungry owner, and they've been waiting since Mookie Wilson's grounder for this moment. If Skubal goes on the market, Stevie Cohen will be first to grab the phone.
3. The Blue Jays. The hateful, angry, foaming, unrequited Jays. First, a fun fact: Rogers Communications owns all of Canada, except for the tar sands and Alanis Morissette. Secondly, they can mine America's "51st state" disrespectfulness and tap into a seething fury that our northern neighbors rightfully feel toward the U.S. Trading for Skubal would poke the Yankees in the eye and probably win the AL East. Also, we might face him in the postseason. Pokes in both eyes. Ouch.
Look, it's fun to pretend the Yankees care. But they won't be taking on any $32 million contracts. And come next year, if Skubal's agent calls, they'll hide under the beds. We just grabbed Yanquile Fernandez. That's your 2026 Yankees.
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10 comments:
Duque, we all know that we won't face Skubal in the postseason because there's not way we're making it to the postseason. The Jays, probably the Sox, maybe even the Orioles will finish ahead of us. The Rays might keep us out of the cellar. At best, we get third, with a record that does not qualify us as a wild card. More of a mild card.
And then, the strike of 2027 will throw everything up in the air. Except Cashman, Boone, and Hal, who will all remain seated, awaiting the salary cap.
What a time to be alive!
Just the tiniest of observations to share with everyone,
I’m beginning to doubt that these are my 2026 Yankees.
They might be someone else’s 2026 Yankees (perhaps you, or you or even YOU over there, hiding behind your life size Aaron Boone standee)
But honestly - they might not be mine.
Anymore,
Now to fire up the GO-JUICE maker…
MLB heading for a lockout next year like a runaway speeding bullet train.
Hey Boone,
While managers are generally protected during a short, off-season lockout, their salaries are not guaranteed if a work stoppage causes significant cancellation of regular-season games.
the only thing I disagree with, El D., is that "it's fun to pretend that the Yankees care." I'm not sure that was ever fun, but it certainly is not fun now. it strains at belief and even if it were just a rhetorical device, it still makes me get sad. that has been the great realization the past few years: they just. don't. care. and that, of course, begets the same coming back at them. I wonder how that will translate into money eventually? then again, they don't care. I forgot. need more coffee. fuck hal.
I just made a giant pot of tasty coffee
(aka - GO~JUICE)
And I am PROUD and HAPPY to PROCLAIM that . . . .
IT IS ALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME ! *
(you know that saying and drinking way too much coffee and life-sized Aaron Boone Standees bring to my mind many, many, many, many things....)
*
I wish Hal would give all the money he's saving on the roster to St. Jude's Children's Hospital. But it's probably going to a far-right PAC.
Go Juice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjTZfbfr3QI
A few words about the late, great Mickey Lolich, who is probably still the last guy to win three games he started in a World Series (one of the Big Ugly Unit's wins in 2001 came in relief, as we remember all too well).
Gimme a fat pitcher, every time. Lolich, Wells, Big Sexy, Fat Freddie Fitzsimmons...I don't know if it's the extra calories they have to burn, or just self-selection (if they can make the majors that fat, they have to be good). Somehow, they're always good or even great.
Everyone's in suits and ties in that pic, because it's a World Series game (also why it's the afternoon). Lolich pitched 3, complete-game wins, allowing only 2 earned runs, and striking out 21 in 27 innings. Even for the Year of the Pitcher, that was pretty damned good.
He also figured in one of the great highlights of my early Yankee-watching days: Yanks swept a four-game series from the Tigers in August, 1968. Well, actually they went 4-0-1.
That was the series in which Rocky Colavito got a win pitching in the first game of a doubleheader—and hit the game-tying home run off Lolich in the nightcap.
Yanks started it all off with Bahnsen beating Earl Wilson, 2-1, on Friday night. That was also supposed to be a doubleheader, but the game went 19 innings before the umps called it, still 3-3.
Lindy McDaniel pitched 7 innings of shutout relief in that game, Dooley Womack pitched more shutout innings, and Tigers closer John Hiller pitched NINE shutout innings...all for naught. Saturday, game of the week, Mel Stottlemyre beat Denny McLain, 2-1. Sunday, Yanks came back from a 5-1 deficit to beat Pat Dobson, 6-5, then took Lolich in the finale, 5-4, with Steve Hamilton pitching 5 innings of shutout relief.
I had just turned ten, days before. I was profoundly happy, thinking for the first time in my short Yankees-rooting career that someday, they might win something big.
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