In this decade, the AL East has become the Division of Eternal Youth, an incubation chamber for future stars. 
Toronto launched in 2022 with Alejandro Kirk, Bo Bichette, Alek Manoa and Vlad "I'll Never Be a Yankee" Jr. Then came Baltimore, with Adley Rutschman Gunnar Henderson, Jackson Holliday and Admiral Mountcastle. Last year begot Boston, led by Mookie Wilson, Rafael Devers, Chris Sale Roman Anthony. And was there ever a season when hateful Tampa wasn't a raging pimples outbreak of reckless youth? Only the Yankees - the team of skin tags and liver spots - moved with the creakiness of sciatica.
And yet today, the Death Barge looks like the youth invasion that our rivals were supposed to bring. Consider...
1. Ben Rice. Despite a three-game hiccup (1-for-11 in Texas) Rice has already produced numbers - 10 HRs -worthy of half a season. He has become a decent fielding 1B and the left-handed bat that complements Aaron Judge (until Cody and Jazz get their shit together.) He just turned 26.
2. Cam Schlittler. He won again last night. Six innings, three hits, no runs. He is second in the AL in ERA, with 1.51. If the All-Star Game were this week, he could start. Sky's the limit. He recently turned 25.
3. Elmer Rodriguez. A former Redsock, he will start today in Texas. He was killing it in Scranton - a 1.27 ERA and 26 percent K rate. He'll face Nathan Eovaldi, who always murders us, so... beware. Elmer - the future glue of the rotation - is 22.
4. The Martian. Jasson Dominguez is back, 1-for-8 since his promotion. He'll stay as long as Giancarlo's calf stays tweaked - ha! Did someone mention Wally Pipp? But last night, after Trent Grisham gang-tackled the left-center wall, the Yankiverse received a jolting reminder of how quickly our needs can change. He's 23.
5. George Lombard Jr. He is now an official Scrantonian - promoted last night after going 0-for-3 in a Double A game. Last year, Lombard rose quickly and flamed out, so let's just see how this goes. Still, he's now one step from the Show, they say his glove is MLB-ready, and he's the next big thing. He's 20.
6. Spencer Jones. Last night for Scranton, he homered twice, now tied for 3rd in the International League, with 7. He's hitting .242 and still strikes out too much, but in those moments when Grisham lay dazed on the warning track, Jones suddenly was our new Malcom in the Middle. He's 24.
7. Anthony Volpe - our grand old man of youth! - went 0-3 last night for Scranton. You may suffer from Volpe Derangement Syndrome, but he'll get one last shot at the Yankee infield. Who knows? He turned 25 this week.
8. Austin Wells. He gets overlooked, batting 9th and hitting .200. He's been a low palpitation prospect since drafted in the first round of 2020. He's got 3 HRs - he won't be the next Jorge - but he's a regulation MLB catcher. That's not nothing. He's 26.
I know, I know... I'm drunk on the ambrosia of a win streak. But close your eyes, and you can almost see a high school teen melodrama staring Sydney Sweeney and Dax Kilbry. Wait? WTF's happening with Dax
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13 comments:
If Cashman and Boone let the kids play, we can see what we have and which veterans could be cut loose.
What are the odds? Same thing every year.
Lombard moved to third, deferring to Volpe when they were in Somerset together. Will be interesting to see how that goes in Scranton.
I had a crazy dream. Going out to my annual physical now, so I'll summarize as I am late. I was playing a game of baseball, but in a school gym. Think bases on the basketball court. I got a hit and ended up on 2nd base. At some point, there was a mixup and I got to 3rd, but - in dream fashion - I somehow missed stepping on the base or I came back to 2nd, then went again. Not rational. Here's the weird part - Donald Trump was managing the opposing team and he was trying to point out that, somewhere in my peregrinations, I had not touched a base, so he put a clip of me missing it on TikTok and Truth Social - and I am not making this up - and then tried to mobilize the forces of chaos in the stadium and online to get me called out after the fact. Somewhere in this dispute, I woke up. I believe I was playing for the Yankees, BUT - and this is the crucial part - IN THE DREAM, I had the distinct thought that I needed to get on THIS BLOG ASAP and tell you guys all about it. So that's what I'm doing. Honest to god truth. And this tells me that I'm reading the news too much. I now have to take my bike to the doctor or I'll be late.
That's pretty funny, Bitty—though of course, you know you stand to be indicted for implying that ol' Anus Mouth could ever be wrong.
Best of luck with the physical (I'd say, 'Break a leg,' but you know...). Got to go get an MMR shot myself today, because Sec. Raccoon Penis has decided to bring back all the hit diseases of the past (Next up: bubonic plague!).
I woulda probably offered that contract to Grisham, hoping to get the draft pick compensation from whatever team signed him. But, as it turned out, the other teams were too smart to sign a one-season wonder to a multi-year deal. Now we have a logjam in the outfield with Grisham compensating for last year with a god-awful 2026. The problem is that Boone is going to send him out there every game forever. As JM says, Same thing every year.
I had a dream where I was in your dream watching from the risers.
It was an exciting game.
I was sipping on a Montain Dew Big Gulp Slurpie pointing to the big clock on the wall yelling out YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE!!!
I woke up after secret service shot and killed the janitor for chasing after the manager of the opposing team with a wet, smelly mop.
Cody and Jazz will never ever get their shit together.
Please never mention Volpe again. You might as well post about Oscar Azócar.
Fuck HAL. Fuck CashBrain. Fuck Boone.
From Wikipedia: Azócar died in 2010 in Valencia, Carabobo, at the age of 45[2] of a heart attack.[3] The same year, he was inducted in the Caribbean Baseball Hall of Fame for his notable contributions in the Caribbean Series.
. Prior to today’s game, the Yankees made the following roster moves:
• Recalled RHP Elmer Rodríguez (#71) from Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.
• Designated OF Randal Grichuk for assignment.
A bit surprising, but probably inevitable.
Mental note: Strive to live my life so that nobody ever speaks my name in the same breath as the words "raccoon penis."
Good to see you, Winnie. We need all hands on deck these days.
Crochet on the IL with a bad shoulder
We're all excited about Elmer. But recall his disastrous start in gm 3 of the Governors' Cup championship last year. The Jascksonville Jumbo Shrimp beat him up. Left very early, took the L.
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