Yep. I remember those guys. With a new standard for ugly defeats, the 2025 Yankees live again.

Before plunging into this clogged toilet nightmare - ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Ugliest Loss Thus Far in 2026! - a few words about Randal Alexander Grichuk, the RH Yankee bench wrench, 34, formerly of St. Louis, Colorado, Los Angeles, Toronto, Arizona and Kansas City, who is now 0-for-10 on the fledgling campaign. 

Last year, Grichuk appeared unto us in the ghostly form of Austin Slater, obtained in a deadline trade that the YES mouth migraines now avoid, as if it popcorned up from the Epstein files. Regarding: Grichuk in 2026... 

1. This is not his fault.

2. Last night, he happened to be a bystander, too close to the accident scene.

3. He's probably not that bad.

4. When the Yankees DFA him - they soon will, because the brain trust needs a scapegoat, and he's the lowest hanging flower on the Oleander tree - I suspect that some team will pick him up. 

5. To the Death Barge's fan base, he represents everything that's wrong with the Yankees, with America, with money ball, with capitalism, and with life in 2026. 

6. He is a Yankee because of a stat: His 2025 numbers suggested that he'd be a slight improvement over The Martian, Jasson Dominguez, from the RH side.

7. The Martian is hitting .341 in Scranton. (Last night, he went 0-2 with two walks.) He is 23 and wasting his time.

8. One of these days, the Yankees will banish Grichuk and bring up Dominguez, because their lineup desperately needs a spark. But they will still have no place to put him, because the pipes are clogged with expensive contracts.

9. Seriously, I got nothing against Grichuk. He's just the wrong guy in the wrong place on the wrong team at the wrong time, which is 2026, as opposed to 2025, and it's an honest mistake, because the two Yankee teams are nearly identical.

10. It's as if H.G. Wells spun the time machine to the wrong future date, and we have The Martian playing for the Morlochs, in the wrong book. And I am lapping myself...

This is how it goes down. The Yankees just achieved the ugliest loss of 2026. Dear God, it had everything - a come from behind, a blown lead, extra innings, blown chances and then, the finale: an inexplicable play by Jazz Chisholm, throwing to first base out of muscle memory, when the game was already lost. Bravo, everybody. 

The 2025 Yankees have arrived, and time is running out for Randal Grichuk. 

His not his fault. I hope that - in his next incarnation, with another team - he doesn't hold it against us. But of course, he will. Don't they all?