New York, New York? These little town shoes are bringing us down.

To boost interest, two years ago, the scions of professional basketball introduced a make-believe in-season tournament called The NBA Cup. 

For one ridiculously stupid week, NBA teams pretended to chase a cherished, time-honored trophy - The Cup! - and the feckless media played along. Fun Fact: The Knicks won this year's cup, though I had to look it up. It had been banished it from my mind. 

College football has "Rivalry Weekend," when teams pair up with their geographical adversaries. Arizona plays Arizona State. Georgia plays Georgia Tech, Ohio State takes on Michigan and Penn State gets - um - Rutgers? Of course, none of it will matter a month later, in the conference tourney, or come December, in the NCAA playoffs. Rivalry Weekend serves to bump up resales, and the media follows along like a leashed chihuahua. 

Which brings us to baseball, which has two fake events. The first comes in March, with the World Baseball Classic. This year, America got to watch Aaron Judge flail at pitches in the dirt, so folks in San Diego could say he's overrated. Then there is tonight, which launches MLB's version of Rivalry Weekend. 

Everybody plays their mortal enemy, even teams that have none. Baltimore plays Washington, Philly does Pittsburgh, it's Texas/Houston, Boston/Atlanta (huh?), Miami/Florida, San Francisco/Sacramento, (hah), LA/LA, and of course, the most fraudulent rivalry of all - NY/NY, the "Subway Series," baseball's version of Blake Lively vs Justin Baldoni.  

Tonight, we're supposed to watch two struggling, money-bleeding teams - one of which might be a certified tomato can - face off in a season-defining weekend.  

Yeah, right. A month from now, this weekend's heroes and/or goats will have vanished from our memories. And good riddance. 

Once again, the Yankees are chasing their Wild Card, while the Mets face the terrifying reality that Stevie Cohen has squandered more money than ICE, if it sought a detention center in Palm Beach.

Of course, we'll play along. Always do. I've followed these bullshit events for nearly 70 years, back when they played "The Mayor's Trophy Game." Honestly? I've seen worse matchups. Still, I refuse to assign extra importance to a three-game series that belongs in February. No new star will be christened tonight. No history will be made. 

New York is preparing to battle its greatest nemesis of all, bigger than Boston, bigger than LA, bigger than SUNY New Paltz. 

It's about to deal with the Indiana Pacers. the next villain, whomever it is. Now, that's something.