This, I believe.

 

With apologies to Ed Murrow and Steve Martin.

It is at this moment, with our boys in pinstripes at their lowest ebb, and facing their great challenge of the season, that it behooves all of us loyal Yankees fans to stand by our team. Hence, I testify to my faith in our Bronx Bombers and above all their beloved leaders, Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman:

—I believe that the New York Yankees will finish the 2026 season.

—I believe that Austin Wells will pick up a sixth RBI before the year is over.

—I believe that Jazz Chisholm will indeed become a 50-50 man this season: 50 hits, and 50 pairs of pants.

—I believe that Aaron Judge will hit another home run.

—I believe that Anthony Volpe will make a fielding play that does not lose the game.

—I believe that Trent Grisham will hit over .200 on the season. After all, he has accomplished that in 4 of his previous 7 years in the big leagues.

—I believe that Jasson Dominguez will play again.

—I believe that Spencer Jones will play again.

—I believe that the Yankees will eventually determine exactly how Max Fried is injured, and if he will pitch again.

—I believe that Carlos Rodon will win an important game...in some alternate space, time, or dimension (Perhaps he already has!).

—I believe that the Yankees will once again have a closer who can tear a sheet of paper with his fastball.

—I believe that Cody Bellinger will reach 15 home runs on the season. All right, 10?

—I believe that Ryan McMahon is playing very well indeed...for an alien life form who has just taken on a human appearance.

—I believe that there is a theoretical amount of money which, if you presented it to Hal Steinbrenner, he would say, "That's too much!" Theoretically.

—I believe that if Brian Cashman were to "run back" the 2025 season 1 billion times through an AI center, that in 1 of them...the Yankees would win the pennant. And maybe the World Series.

This, I believe.