Alphonso Appointed As Special Counsel to President-Elect Obama

"One of the first appointments made by the Obama Transition Team has shocked the nation,"' reports Baseball America in their post election summary issue.

The famous bard of IIH,IIF,IIc, known only by the name, "Alphonso," will reportedly accept a position as special advisor to the President.

"I won't move to Washington," Alphonso reported, because they don't want me there." My job is to move around the country and make recommendations that will help move the economy out of the depression...or recession.

Rumor has it that Alphonso won the job by taking on Sarah Palin in an unstructured debate at the Target outlet in her hometown of Wasilla, Alaska, where Governor Palin was shopping for a new wardrobe.

According to unnamed sources, Alphonso challenged the Governor's views on when dinosaurs were last in Wasilla, at which point the Governor remarked, " if I had to marry a guy like you, I'd poison your coffee." To which Alphoso responded, " if I were married to you, I would drink it."

Apparently swayed by Alphonso's quick witted response ( and fortunate recollection of the humor of Winston Churchill ), the Obama Transition team proferred the offer.

" My first task," Alphonso calmly stated, "will be to move the Red Sox to a Red State, probably Mississippi, because they have no baseball there and could enhance their standards of living by attending major league games."

" I will give ( Boston's ) ownership the opportunity to change their name to the Blue Sox but, if they refuse, it is going to be time to move this franchise to an environment more befitting the personality and future of the team. There are plenty of teams from other Red States they can play against, including Arizona, Texas and, maybe , Georgia."

But it's a new world, baby, in New England. It's all blue now, all the time. And time to rid ourselves of narrow minded thinking and fan bases who don't care for facts, reason, logic and science. You want to worship bloody socks and big green walls, do it where you can't harm anyone.

In New England, you root for the Yankees or move South.

This is policy number 1: A new economic and sociological plan from Alphonso.