What the Yanks Should Learn From Obama's Win

If we follow his strategy, we can be the champs...


1. Don’t be afraid to outspend the opposition. Obama shoveled cash into states, outdoing McCain by 3-1 in some races. We have the bucks. Use them! Overwhelm somebody. That's how the Redsocks signed Dice-K. Teixiera, Sabathia, Burnett? Yes, all three. And that's just a start. We should be competitive on every battleground free agents. Let's force the Redsocks to defend Varitek. Spend the money. SPEND THE MONEY!

2. Strengthen our center. Obama chased the middle, while McCain set up shop down the right field line, one foot in foul territory. We need a catchers, pitchers, a keystone combo and a centerfieler. No more corner outfielders. (Sorry, Bobby.)


3. Think young. The GOP trotted out a 72-year-old, lopsided-chinned pitcher, who tried to cover up for his lack of quickness by throwing junk. It didn't work. It was like David Wells pitching to Evan Longora. We need young stars, not guys 10 years past their prime. (Sorry, Jason.)


4. We need change. Now and then, some pundit claims we didn't make the playoffs due to injuries and bad breaks. Those people are fools. Every team suffered injuries. Every team had bad breaks. We cannot tweak our way out of mediocrity. We need an overhaul of the infield, the rotation, the bullpen, the batting order. We need change.

5. Character is critical. We can't pal around with Sidney Ponsons and think we won't get called on it. (And, yes, this is a reference to Manny. We cannot sign Manny.)


6. The Ground Game is key. Wait... wrong sport. That’s the Giants.


7. Win the debates. Head to head, we must beat Boston. We must beat Anaheim. We must beat Tampa. The days of losing to good teams, then sweeping KC 12-0 are over.


8. It’s a lo-n-nng campaign. It starts in February. Last spring, the Rays leveled our catcher and we whined that, oh, dear! they were playing too hard. Yeah, it WAS a cheap shot, but we should have come out of the dugout swinging. Their next batter should have rolled off the field in a shopping cart. The great California politico Willie Brown once said, "Let a lie go uncontested for 24 hours, and it might as well be the truth." Let a cheap shot go uncontested, and they own us. Guess what? Tampa owned us.


9. Attack everything about the last eight years. Screw those playoff appearances. We haven't won a World Series. The last 8 years have been horrible, rancid, wretched. We should loathe what we have become.


10. Run, baby, run! Don’t let the "experts" tell us not to run. Brett Gardner can steal 50 bases. Jeter, Damon, ARod, they can steal 30. Austin Jackson could steal 30. Justin Christian can steal 40, just coming off the bench. Run. Drive the pitchers crazy, and watch what happens.

11. Accept the fact that we are hated. Obama just smiled. He didn't take the bait. That's what we have to do. There will always be pennant racists. Let the Redsock fans join their covens. Think of that look on their faces when CNN projects us as winner of the pennant race on Sept. 1. That's what should sustain us.

11. Hmm-mm. What else? Don’t name as bench coach some evangelical whack job/sex kitten from Alaska. Avoid endorsements from Madonna. On the eve of the World Series, maybe kill Joe Girardi’s gramma. Whatever. Look smart. That’s all. Hey, is it too much to ask that a certain son of the owner not sound like George W. Bush?