10 Things the Yankees should do to Texas rather than whine at them about being a welfare franchise

1. Trade Andruw Jones to them.

2. Hold a luxury tax payment "big check" ceremony, with their name on it.

3. Invite George W. Bush to every Yankee-Rangers game.

4. Buy Josh Hamilton membership in the Beer of the Month Club.

5. Erect a sign showing exactly where their wives are sitting in Yankee Stadium.

6. Play the 2011 World Series as "Yankees Classics" on YES.

7. Double our current offer to Andy Pettitte.

8. Require the Luis Sojo Band to play Austin City Limits.

9. When the Rangers visit, play the Zapruder film on the Jumbotron.

10. When we play them, beat their fukken asses.