A couple weeks ago, the Yankiverse was emulating the spring Redsock Nation of 2011, preening about our seven-man rotation, the best in years. We donated AJ Burnett to the poor. We offered Freddy Garcia to the Marlins just to show how compassionate we are.
Now, after CC Sabathia - it's Question Mark and the Mysterios. Instead of the best rotation in years, we could be running north with one of our worst. We hoping Kuroda - a fly ball pitcher from the miserable NL - can keep balls in Yankee Stadium, launched by hitters from the AL East. We hope Phil Hughes' 2011 season was a dream, and that Andy Pettitte can pitch at 40 - after having decided he couldn't pitch at 39. We hope Ivan Nova's horrible spring is a mirage.
Yeah, it's early, but thus far, every move Brian Cashman made last winter has backfired. Kablooey. The guy is a total juju stinkbomb. He's giving us fleas. They should put him in an isolation tank, or dress him as a beggar and infiltrate the Redsocks. He's like that little ghost girl in The Ring, the one that looks like a young Celine Dion, who pops out of the TV and contorts people's faces like Jim Carrey. Every time I see him, he scares me. I'm now wondering what his latest practical joke, Jack Cust, is going to do to rest stops on the New York State Thruway. If he's got Cashman's juju, he could end up going steroidal on one of those state workers who sells the I heart NY t-shirts. The people of Batavia need to be warned. Right now, the luckiest city in America is Scranton. They don't have Brian Cashman climbing out of their TVs in wet pajamas and going Jenny McCarthy on them. That Louise Meanwell must have put a hex on the entire Yankiverse. Crazy ladies can do that. Folks, we are toast. It's over. Cashman is a juju suitcase bomb buried in Yankee Stadium. He's worse than that jersey of Big Papi's that we dug up during the construction phase. I can't take it. Howl.
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3 comments:
so was "one year ago"
Godammit, you kids just don't do your homework. You never type out 'Question Mark,' it's always '?' And they weren't the Mysterios, they were the Mysterians. It's '? and the Mysterians,' you young whippersnapper.
Next you're going to tell me you didn't know David Crosby's hat size went from 7 1/4 in 1966 to 29 1/2 in the present day.
Goddam kids.
We are dead. Been saying it for months. Third place. No second wildcard-Angels are getting it.
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