The 22nd day of Moonvent

The 22nd day of Moonvent
Yes, there was an Endy

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

EXCLUSIVE: Excerpts of Andy Pettitte's pre-testimony at Roger Clemens trial

Prosecutor: Please state your name and spell it.

Witness: Andrew Pettitte. That’s A-n-d-y and P-e-t-t-i-t-t-e.

Prosecutor: Hmm. Two pairs of T’s?

Witness: Yessir.

Prosecutor: Hmm. You've known the defendant for 20 years. How would you describe him?

Witness: Big. Eats a ton. I seen him polish off a whole boxcar full-

Prosecutor: Yes, yes, of course, he eats! That’s not what I mean! Is this man, Roger Clemens, the type of man who tells lies?

Witness: Well sir, he'll do anything to win a ballgame.

Prosecutor: Mr. Pettitte, this is not a ballgame! This is a court of law! And let me remind you that lying is not permitted in a court of law! Do you consider Roger Clemens to be the type of man who would lie?

Witness: Well, sir, I consider him the type of man who, when he tells you a whopper, you just go with it. Because there are guys who are always bigger than life, who have to be in the center of everything, and when they say crap - pardon my French - you take it with a grain of salt. You don’t write down every word and try to analyze if it's true. You accept them as characters.

They’re not as smart as they think they are, and at times, they can be first-class assholes – pardon my French, sir - but they’re basically good-hearted people. You don’t push their buttons, you don’t question their soul because – and I’m not saying this is right or wrong, it just IS – guys like this never live in the same world as you and me.

They are what they are, because they grew up in a hole, and to survive, they had to climb out of it. So they do whatever it takes. If Roger Clemens was cheating, I’ll tell you, he wasn’t the only one. And if Roger Clemens is not strong enough emotionally to say so, and then to watch his life and his name turn to crap, the way some people would have it -- well, you can call him a fool, or an idiot, or a buffoon or maybe even somebody living in a self-delusional dream. And you’re probably right.

But if you tear away that man's last shred of dignity, as this court has done, you do more to hurt him than anybody possibly can. And the notion of spending five years and millions of dollars to put him in a cage, to hang him out to dry, well, that's beyond me.

Sir, what’s the point of that?

Prosecutor: No further questions.

1 comment:

bennyboy said...

I was never a Clemens fan. I didn't even like the Welles for Clemens trade.

But I still remember 2001, when he gave me the single best season any Yankee starting pitcher has given me in my short life as a fan. Not to mention that postseason, and especially that magical World Series when he gave us that incredible Game 7 start. So I'm pulling for him to avoid prison.

But if he does go to prison, I'll just say screw him: he was always a Rod Sock anyway.