Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Ten reasons why survey ranks John & Suzyn the worst MLB announcing team

1. Everyone knows homer announcers are OK for all teams -- except the Yankees. (Who are driven by Jeep...)

2. The Marlin crew, with only 15 listeners, could not generate enough critics to rate lower. (And 15 minutes can save you 15 percent on car insurance...)

3. You can’t predict surveys. (But here's one thing you can predict: If a Yankee hits for a cycle, someone will win a chance to win a brand new Lexus from Lexus of Englewood...)

4. Anybody who plays, roots or works for Yankees is automatically hated. (Unless, that is, they’ve visited the Hebrew Home at Riverside. I've been there. It's like a college campus...)

5. Suzyn’s Clubhouse Report not same since Leyritz left. (Hey, the fifth reason reminds us that it's time for the Daily News Fifth...)

6. Since opening of new bandbox stadium, too many calls to the bullpen. (And this call is sponsored by Geiko...)

7. Thuuuuuh extended vocalizations. (Featuring energy supplied by the Indian Point Nuclear Power Plant...)

8. Jealousy. (That last reason came in at 90 miles per hour, measured by TimeWarner high-speed Road Runner...)

9. Advertising. (Hey, this is the ninth reason, which is time for a Little Debbie Snack Cake...)

10. John and Suzyn don't take enough chances. They've just become too safe and secure. Wait a minute. That's a great line! Somebody ought to craft an ad around it!

No comments: