Monday, May 28, 2012
Posted by el duque at 9:20 AM
Millions of Yankee fans donated psychic-mind energy to the International Juju Intervention (IJI), channeling their Rizzutonic ejaculations directly into TVs, which then wormholed the transmissions to central repositories, which the next day fed into the Yankee lineup and Yankee Power Report (sponsored by Indian River Nuclear Power Plant.)
The results has been - to be modest, here - infinitely phugging awesome, baby. Five an oh, baby. Ringadingding, baby.
The Yankees have won five straight, turning around a lost season and maybe - considering the stories published last week - even keeping the team owned by the family that loves it. It's like a Disney Family Network show starring Tony Danza and Tia Leone (Yankee fans, by the way.) Everything turned out positively.
How could anyone question the results of this incredible event, even if it forces them to confront their family upbringing, sense of world purpose and inner-contempt for the dogmatic religious quackery that has, until now, enslaved them? How?
And yet - (alas, there is always an "and yet") - there remain out there Doubting Thomases. You know who you are. As far as I'm concerned, the Doubting Thomas is nothing more than an English muffin - craggy on the edges, soft on the inside, just waiting to be toasted and wiped with butter.
The IJI has proven itself.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have built the bomb. It works. It can give Yankee life. It can destroy our enemies. Now what?
With great power comes great responsibility.
Since IJI, we are 5-0.
Five and oh. Ringadingdingdingdingdingding, baby!