Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Yankeetorial: If the Rangers win the Stanley Cup, NYC will be over its assigned allotment of 2012 championships

If the ghosts of Eddie Giacomin win, that’s two NYC rings in one year - too much for Gotham-hating America to accept. The star chamber that runs this country will never let the Yankees bring championship No. 3 to Gomorrah. We must make provisions.

Scientists and school teachers will claim there is no link between the Rangers and Jersey Gints success and how we do. Screw them. We never win in a Giant Super Bowl year. As for the Rangers, they win so rarely that nobody has a read on it.

But if the Rangers do drink from the Stanley Cup, the World Illuminati will start undermining the Yankees. The fix will be in. No GM will trade with us. Opposing fan bases will mobilize, and pizza delivery boys will spit into the sauce. Somebody will give Teixeira advanced bronchitis. Did KC install a drain pipe in its outfield to wreck Mo's knee?

Worst of all how it affects the Steinboys. If the Yankees win, they'll be ostracized in the billionaire club. They'll lose tee times and be excluded from big parties. They've bent over to accept restrictions on Yankee spending, merely telling Selig the paddler, "Thank you, sir, I'll have another." But with two NYC championships, they'll be looking to trade Cano to Seattle for another young pitching prospect - anything to avoid a third ring.

NYC is not going to win three championships in one year. (Thank God for the Knicks: That late 1990s dynasty was as much due to Isaiah Thomas as Paul O'Neill.)

No comments: