Saturday, May 26, 2012

Three in a row since National Juju Intervention

Like a surgically augmented cougar on a reality TV party weekend, the Girardi Jurassics have banged out three quick victory yelps since the National Juju Intervention, (NJI) conducted Monday night in rec rooms, tenements, trailers and s/m hostage dungeons throughout the thinking fan’s Yankiverse.

Three in a row. As they say in Hollywood, ringadingding, baby.

Now, OK… I know what you’re thinking:

“Duque, wow, I mean, omygod, it’s like, minga! You’ve saved the Yankee season! Now that you’ve rendered unto humanity the secrets of juju, it’s like you taught us to fish, rather than giving us a fish, were you planning to do that? Because, wow, now the Yankees can win every game!”

Reader, have I ever told you that you are far smarter than the average Internet lardbrain? Because. You. Are. And dammit, you nailed it. There is absolutely no reason why the Yankees cannot win every game. Every game.


We shouldn’t win them all. We must parcel out NJI bombs in a way that keeps authorities off the Yankee tail. If we just the table – 90 straight wins – people will get suspicious. There will be a federal investigation of this site. Authorities will mount a crackdown. Not only that, but we might as well forget about signing Cole Hamel next winter, because MLB will never allow it. Therefore, we must stop at five, maybe six a row. And we cannot simply hold another NJI.

The juju bump goes only so far, and you do not want to run two national interventions in close proximity: It’s like drinking a keg of amoxicillin to derail a cold, and then entering a Long John Silver’s to find the sneezing counter-girl has a bad case of flesh-eating disease. You’ve played your hand.

Still… three in a row, baby! Arod and Teixeira may be coming around. We still have nothing on the Thruway – Betances couldn’t throw strikes last night, but Ronnier Mustellier, the Cubist international man of mystery, hit another homer. Three in a row!

Today, let’s sweep our living rooms with an imaginary juju broom.

1 comment:

Bye Bye Balboni said...

I especially like how the NJI took 24 hours to take effect. In a courtroom, you can always point to the Bombers' miserable loss the night of the NJI to prove there is no such thing as juju. You are one sly dog, sir.