The Hamptons are buzzing like my rear end after a trip to Taco Bell. Instead of secretly bankrolling attacks
on Barack Obama, billionaires have a new national parlor game: Imagining
themselves buying the Yankees.
Supposedly, the Steinboys want to cash out. They’ve looked
at the farm system, seen Dellin Betances’ walk-to-strikes ration and – crazy as
it sounds - the notion of crapping away $20 mill a year through 2017 for Arod
is about as appealing as volunteering for a medical study on shingles. Being knowledgeable
fans, they’re ready to – as the baseball players say – “punt.”
Not sure how to read this. Ever since shelling out for the
Big Three – CC, AJ and Tex – the bros have looked upon big name free agents the
way Kim Kardashian would view a hotdog. They’ve wanted no part of spending their
hard-inherited money. Nevertheless, they do have a crazy family name to uphold,
and it’s hard to imagine them letting the Yankees fall too far without having
to cover Dad’s statue with tar paper.
The key, of course, is who would buy the team?
Out, out, OUT must that Dolan guy, the one who wrecked the Knicks
into the next millennium. If he gets near, we get Isaiah Thomas, the Kim Jung
Il of coaches. Another would be Donald Trump. Despite the advantages of an
obvious megalomaniac, Trump is the Steinbrenner of 1982, not the one of 1995. Remember
the birther thing he was pushing? In terms of stupidity, that’s the equivalent
of five Jay Buhner trades.
We need a smartypants, maybe a Zuckerberg (after he gets out
of jail) or a Brad Pitt or a George Clooney. We need somebody who loves the
Yankees, and who can take the phone call at 2 a.m. to handle the crisis of Joba
blowing out his ankle on a kiddie tramp, and who walks among billionaires like
a lion. One person fills that bill.
1 comment:
The Koch Brothers. They could run attack ads against the Red Sox.
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