Ten questions that absolutely MUST be asked in the Presidential debate

1. Will either of you moon Big Papi?

2. This goes to Mr. Trump. You weigh 237 pounds, which puts you on the edge of being declared "obese." Will your big fat ass deter you from mooning Big Papi?

3. To Secretary Clinton. You are sick and frail, and you might die at any moment. Would you be worried about bending over and falling, and thus be unable to moon Big Papi?

4. Where do both of you stand on the First Amendment rights of Americans, patriotic Americans, who want to fulfill their Constitutional duty to moon Big Papi?

5. Would you pledge right here to never impede an American's fundamental right to moon a Redsock?

6. This is for Secretary Clinton. You have called Mr. Trump's supporters a "basket of deplorables." Does this mean you would not accept one as a fellow mooner of Big Papi?

7. A question for Mr. Trump. Should Muslims be allowed to moon Big Papi? Also, would you try to deport an illegal alien who shows the common decency of mooning Big Papi?

8. For both candidates: Who will pay for your vast, ridiculous public projects, and will there be money left over to moon Big Papi?

9. One of the most important decisions will be in appointing the Supreme Court. Will your selection contain a litmus test regarding his - or her - willingness to moon Big Papi?

10. I'd like to know how each of you personally have reacted to past moonings. Would this in any way affect your future ability to moon Big Papi?