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Monday, April 3, 2017

Not as horrible as it seemed

In the post-game show and Clubhouse Report, John and Suzyn were NOT devastated. Neither should we be. Here's why... 

1. Disregard the first three innings - as any reputable scientist will do - and we won the game, 1-0.

2. Chase Headley beat the over-shift three times, once with a bunt. Not only was it game smart - (Down 7-2, John noted that the Yankees needed base runners, not a long ball) - but it showed the first time in at least three years that a Yankee may have actually used the off-season to adjust to the new defenses. Teixeira never did it. A-Rod never did it. Brian McCann... Stephen Drew... they literally swung their way into mediocrity. If Headley breaks the shift - that is, forces teams to revert to the traditional defense - he could save his career.

3. We unveiled Jonathan "Hold'em" Holder, the Holder of holds. (See below)

4. Tanaka hasn't been good on previous opening days. As long as it's not an arm thing... 

5. We didn't have to use our closers.

6. As frustrating as it was, we actually threatened at the end. Yeah, nothing came of it, but in the seventh and ninth innings, we made Tampa break a sweat. A hallmark of the last three years has been watching the Yankees go 1-2-3 in late inning losses. 

7. John will spend the rest of the year fuming over a called seventh inning strike against Aaron Hicks, which SHOULD have been ball four. John called it ball four - and then had to take it back. He watched it on replay and didn't soften his certainty, though it might have been too close for Hicks to take. Still, Jerry Layne, Jerry Layne, Jerry Layne! On John's deathbed, sometime around 2060, someone will mention home plate umpire Jerry Layne, and John will yank out the breathing apparatus...  JERRRRRRY LAAAAAAAAYNE... SLOOOOOOOOOOWLY I TURNED... 

We wuz robbed. And tomorrow, TAMPA SHALL PAY!

8 comments:

John M said...

Headley almost made me take back every bad thing I ever said about him. That was really, truly, incredibly encouraging--not only did he try to beat the overshift, he was able to place the ball where they weren't and actually beat it. That's amazing. Of course, you couldn't ask Tex or McCann or Stephen Drew to do that, because it would ruin their power swings and we wouldn't get 20 or 25 HRs--or in Drew's case, 4 or 5--while they batted .220 and killed any chance at rallies with regularity.

Ol' Headley Lamarr. Who woulda thunk it?

Wezil1 said...

I am glad to read this post and even secretly encouraged since the opening day jitter gods have been delivered their required torching of our most worthy pitcher (no arm soreness, right?). Our catcher blocked at least one ball that would have rolled to the backstop if his name had still been McCann (of course later threw it into right field) and our first baseman even looked bad when things were going bad. And the Ellsbury Injury clock is ticking away now (just get it over with, Jake!). Most exciting moment in a game needing it: The Judge's double. Wow. What a nice swing!

KD said...

Loved what Headley did yesterday. If opposing teams keep shifting, just keep taking the free hits. I'll take a 3B hitting .500 any day. Think of the extended rallies!! That PLUS it would shut up redsock fans that keep bragging about Ted Williams hitting .406.

Anonymous said...

I want to hear more about Suzyn's favorite rap songs.

el duque said...

YESSSSSSS! I didn't dream it! Suzyn actually talked about rappers. It was mystical. It was surreal.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, have an inning you can point to for the rap talk? I somehow missed that. I did, however, hear John dismissively call "Crossroads" by Bone Thugs "nonsense music" over which he would not attempt to speak as the Trop blared it out.

Anonymous said...

HEADLEY MADE IT LOOK SO EASY...... AS I KEEP SEEING RED SOX HITTERS AGAINST US LAST YEAR MAKE IT LOOK EASY....... BUT ALAS, THE TRUE TEST WILL BE THE NEXT GAME!..... AS I REMEMBER LAST YEAR, BRIAN MCCANN, 1 TIME, MADE IT LOOK EASY WITH A PREMEDITATED POKE TO THE LEFT SIDE FOR A SLOW ROLLING SINGLE..... THEN NEVER DID IT AGAIN.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Having looked at the headline of this post for an entire day, I must respond: "It actually was as horrible as it seemed."

Except for Headly.