The signposts of the looming Yankeapolypse converge today at 5 p.m.

Today - Thursday, November 6, a date that could live in infamy - sunset is listed at 4:49 p.m. E.S.T. 

Eleven measly minutes - 660 seconds - before the Yankeapocaylpse. 

That happens at exactly 5 p.m., the deadline for Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner to rule on a matter that will reverberate throughout 2026... and beyond.

By Happy Hour, our pennywise owner must decide whether the Yankees will extend a $22 million, one-year qualifying offer to CF Trent Grisham, who hit 34 HRs last season. It's no slam dunk. While Grisham last year was third on the team (behind Judge and Giancarlo) in On Base Percentage, he is a) pushing 30, b) a career .218 hitter, and c) he fell apart - 4 for 29, without a HR or RBI - in the recent postseason. 

Right now, nobody knows what Hal or Grish are thinking.

If Hal extends the qualifying offer: 

1. Grisham could say yes. He'd receive $22 million next year, a chunk of money that would burn in Hal's fanny pack. It would leave the Yankees with an outfield surplus that, unless trades happen, will undercut their ability to sign either Kyle Tucker and/or Cody Bellinger, both of whom are viewed as priorities. If the Yankees bring back Grisham, it's easy to imagine Hal doing what he does best: finishing second in the bids for Tucker or Bellinger.  

2. Grisham could say no. Good grief, he just had his breakout year. This should be his big, career, free agency payout. He wants a three-year deal, maybe five. If he rejects the offer, the Yankees might receive a compensatory draft pick (it depends on what else they do), and there could be draft-related strings attached to the team that signs him. Sometimes, those strings can really fuck up a player, especially one who is looking for his big, career payout. Ask Alex Bregman. 

If Hal says no qualifying offer...

The Yankees flush the toilet, giggle the handle and turn out the lights. Grishman hits free agency free and clear, no strings, and the Yankees look for somebody - a burner who can play CF. Do they think Spencer Jones is real? Can The Martian, who certainly has the speed, improve defensively? Jazz Chisholm? Or would they find themselves pondering, gulp, Harrison Bader 2.0?

So, the Yankees could end up with Grisham, Mr. Cool, back in center, hoping last year was no fluke. Or they could face a clogged outfield into next November, when most people expect MLB to abruptly halt, due to a labor stoppage. There might be no baseball in 2027. (The Dodgers' dynasty ending at three?) 

So what happens today, as you're lifting the cold one, could influence how we remember the Yankees for a long, long tme. 

Dear Mr. Hal, Bring back the Beard Ban

 Dear Yankee Powers That Be... 

(You know who you are...)

It's now 11 months since the House of Steinbrenner came to view the Yankee ban on facial hair - a rule dating back to the glorious Afro of Oscar Gamble and the Emmet Kelly chin of Thurman Munson - like an unsolicited backrub from Andrew Cuomo. It happened shortly after the Yankees acquired Devin Williams, the team's new closer, whose shaggy jowls were widely viewed as the reason for the change.

I donno if you changed your policies simply to appease one player - I cannot see into your Neville Chamberlain mind - but, damn, it sure looked that way.

Over the 2025 season, only a few Yankees - most notably Carlos Rodon and Jasson Dominguez, along with Williams - grew modest, sickly beards. I think this is because the Yankee Captain, Aaron Judge, remained clean shaven.  

Well, it's time to declare 2025 as a failed experiment in Yankee lore. 

Ditch the soup-strainers and the birds' nests, drop the floppy follicles and misery mullets, and let's make the Yankees, once again, different from all the rest. 

This is weird for me. I never thought I'd be saying this, having for many years viewed the beard ban as: 

a) stupid
b) a waste of time
c) an arguable attack on self-expression
d) a reason some players might refuse to join the Yankees. 

In the aftermath of Williams, I no longer hate the ban. 

In fact, if it makes the Yankees slightly different, so be it. 

Better to be different than irrelevant.

If a player doesn't want to play for the fucking New York Yankees because of his precious chin weave, he's not the guy we want. 

Restore the beard ban, Mr. Hal! You once claimed to keep it out of the memory of your dad, who sought a warrior ethos for the Yankees. You shouldn't have changed. 

I say, let's go back. If it means Kyle Tucker won't sign with the Yankees - he doesn't want to shave? - well, he's not the guy we want. 

An Above Average Haikuless Tuesday - Special Election Day Edition !

 no HAIKU today

just PONDERING the future

Twenty Twenty SUX ?

"The sharp pain may age to a dull ache, but it will never go away. You will go hours, then days, then weeks without thinking about how close you came—and then something will remind you, and it will hurt all over again. Who you were last week is not who you will be for the rest of your life. You are ruined; you are a ruined human being."

 Toronto is learning what it's like to be a modern Yankee fan.

Man overboard. Bellinger has jumped the Yankee ship.

Whosh. Did you feel that rush of cold, clammy, November air? 

That was Clay Bellinger's kid, Cody, officially bolting for the door. 

Yesterday, Bellinger ditched his $25 million one-year Yankee option, heading for the Corona Beer tent of free agency. He even deleted his Yankee profile on Instagram. He's like Rosamund Pike in that Ben Affleck movie - a Gone Girl Guy. Off to try the free market of capitalism, while the Yankees try to avoid charges of criminal malpractice. 

On behalf of the Yankiverse, I wish Bellinger luck, health and bricks of gold. I sorta hoped the Yankees could frontload a three-year deal - like Shohei Ohtani's magically deferred payments with the Dodgers - and make him the Yankee CF, at least until Spencer Jones proves relevant. 

That's a pipe dream, of course. I doubt Bellinger can cover - from April to October - the area code that is Yankee Stadium centerfield. Everybody likes Belli, but is there a path for him to anchor a championship Yankee team?

This winter, I believe the Yankees must do three things:

1. They must decide on their two biggest prospects - The Martian and Spencer Jones. Both might suck; that's baseball, Suzyn. Every year, some rising team wins the World Series by beating a tired Yankee roster of 30-somethings. Jasson Dominguez is 22. Jones is 24. Each needs a shot. And if the Yankees bring back Belli (and to a less likely chance, Trent Grisham), there will be no openings. Another tired old team, good enough for a wild card. 

2. They need pitching, pitching, pitching. They cannot depend on anybody. Every spring, they show up touting their rotational depth, and then watch several key arms go down. Right now, they have Max Fried, Will Warren, Cam Schlittler and Luis Gil. After that, Carlos Rodon is hurt; Gerrit Cole won't be back until June, Clarke Schmidt might not be back at all, and the farm is threadbare. The Yankees must sign a major starter, maybe two, maybe three. Last year, the Dodgers went through stretches with an Injury List all-star rotation. They just planned for October, and it worked.  

3. They need Gold Glove defense up the middle. The final teams this October fielded defensive burners in CF. The Yankees had Grisham - solid, but not great. There is a notion that Bellinger can play CF, or maybe Jazz Chisholm. I doubt either would last the season. The Yankees need someone who can fly. That would require Jones to prove his news clippings are true, and/or Dominguez to make great strides. (He's got the wheels; he needs to put in the work.) Same goes for SS, but we've wasted enough ink on that black hole. 

It's rare for a player's professionalism and character to impress the Yankees as much as Bellinger did last season - and then to watch him depart. Six years ago, they invested in DJ LeMahieu for just that reason. It backfired. Last winter, they watched the human loyalty-sinkhole, Juan Soto, follow the cash and never look back. 

The days of great players wanting to play for the Yankees are over. If anything, a ring-hungry veteran will want to go to the Dodgers, or maybe even Toronto. The Yankees are just another team that feels the whoosh, and wonders who just went out the door?

Some guys were born to be Yankees

 

Come on, Brain! This is our kind of guy!

(What do you say to a drunken sailor early in the morning?)

Get excited, everybody! Yanks take 4th in 2026 ESPN Power Rankings!

Hey, everybody, START SPREADIN' THE NEWS! 

The Yankees - winners of 27 world championships, including as recently as 2009! - look to be almost unstoppable in 2026, according to the latest ESPN Power Rankings!

Not only that, but in today's internet write-up, the Power Rankers say - get this, critics and nonbelievers: "There is an argument to rank the Yankees first, overall!"

 Wow! And I mean this, sincerely: Holy crap! Plus, with an argument to be first? Pinch me. I'm getting all choky here. I didn't expect this. I made some notes, and now I can't find them. Where was I? Oh, I told myself I wouldn't cry. Now, tears streaming. OVER THE MOON! THAT'S WHERE I AM! Where do I start? Fourth? Do you know how many teams out there would give their left billiard to rank fourth? And that's us! Fourth. Right after third. 

Take a bow, Mr. Cashman - and Mr. Hal, and Mr. Randy, and Mr. Boone, and all the interns, secretaries, wonks and A.I. algorithms that have accomplished this magnificent feat! Pass the word, people: The Yankees are back! And to our amigos in the far south... Numero quatro, baby!    

Says the Power Rankings: The Yankees - with Cam Schlittler, Luis Gil, Will Warren, Gerrit Cole, Max Fried, Carlos Rodon and the handful of young arms who will rise up from the farm system - they're always "growing" prospects; that's why it's called a "farm" system - "might" have the best rotation in baseball!

Wow! Excuse me. Gotta catch my breath. This is wild. This is Sydney Sweeney Level, in-fucking-credible, Big News, with a capital B.N. The Yankees might have the best rotation in baseball! Who knew? Of course, there are concerns. There are always concerns, and we're not afraid to mention them. Anthony Volpe had an "off" year. Ryan McMahon didn't hit that well. And the bullpen, which - yes, it would be the first to tell you that it had problems - but, hey! FOURTH!

Those booms you're hearing? That's me, popping the buttons on my britches! They're flying off with newfound Yankee pride! 

The Yankees are back, everybody! Fourth! 

And soon, after some Cashman trades, I think I'm smelling THIRD! 

It's over. The 2025 season. It's finally over. Let it go.

Congratulations, and f**k you, Dodgers.

As for Toronto? Welcome to Purgatory. 

Enjoy reliving this the rest of your lives.

The "Stuck Ball"

 For those of you who enjoy pure baseball( obviously that excludes Yankee fans ), last night's game 6 was historic. 

The game was tight  and runs were hard to come by.  The Dodgers scored three runs on four hits. pretty much all in one early inning (4th?).  Toronto had one run because Dodger pitcher Yamamoto was again brilliant. 

But he ran out of fuel after 6 innings of 1 run ball.  Toronto bats awakened.

With a runner on first, a Toronto dude laced a shot to deep left center... a certain double but, given the batter's speed, a likely triple.  Which meant the score would be 3-2 with a runner on third and no outs. 

But the ball ( much like the one pictured above )  lodged itself between the bottom of the left field wall and the turf.  Unmoving and stuck like chewing gum under a desk.  While Toronto teammates kept waving the runners home, the Dodger players froze and waved their hands in the air.  

Finally, an umpire held up two fingers and the " stuck ball" was ruled a ground rule double.  Just of note, it had never happened before.  This is not like a ball lost in the ivy in  Chicago, or a rebound off the roof in the old Tampa Bay Ray stadium.  

Never before, as in not once. I don't think anyone thought it possible.

In any event, Toronto had to return their runners to second and third ( still no outs ) and from there the gods dinged them badly.  And infield pop up, and then a sinking liner to left that the Toronto baserunner on second ( the hitter of the stuck ball ) misread, and which became a quick, game ending DP. 

Wow.  But you had to stay up late on the east coast. 

Watch game seven if you want to see real baseball. 

Sorry, everybody. I failed you.

 

Turns out that Aaron Boone was right under my nose, hiding in plain sight, and I did nothing. NOTHING. 

I could have talked with him. I might have been able to straighten things out. A piece of my mind...

But I did nothing. NOTHING. 

New York Yankees manager Aaron Boone was in attendance for Syracuse’s football game against North Carolina on Friday night in the JMA Wireless Dome. Boone was spotted after dining at a steakhouse in downtown Syracuse earlier in the week. Boone, who slipped on a Tar Heels hat while taking in the game from a lower-level end zone seat, has been popping up at North Carolina football games throughout the fall.

After tonight, the annual Cashman makeover begins anew

After tonight, we'll close the book on the torture chamber known as 2025. 

The exploding bullpen. Three LH catchers. The rise of Grisham. The fall of Volpe. The voice of the Yankees, David Sims. Another great - but wasted? - season for Aaron Judge. Another lost year for The Martian... 

We could go on. Let's not. Life is too short. That's Chinatown, Jake. That's baseball, Suzyn.

After tonight, it's the season of whatabouts. 

Whatabout Jazz? Whatabout Stanton? Whatabout Cole, Trump's ballroom, Katy Perry, the oceanic UAPs, the looming storms... whataboutchermama? 

After tonight, baseball belongs to the Dodgers' checkbook or Canadian pride. 

After tonight, the looming question of NYC becomes whether Trump will invade or just cut the food supplies - where's Snake Plisken? - if Mamdani, a Mets fan, wins.  

After tonight, we return to the sad, tiresome continuum of watching Brian Cashman remake the roster, via an algorithm. 

After tonight No... wait... today... it's November, the month of bacon fat skies and cold rain. Never does opening day feel farther away.

To celebrate Halloween, 10 great baseball nicknames that should have been for serial killers

 

(Originally run May 23, 2008)

Dr. K
Mr. October
The Barber
Captain Hook
The Vacuum Cleaner
Bonehead
Three Fingers
Nails
The Mad Hungarian
Blue Moon
The Yankee Clipper
No Neck

AN IIHIIFIIC HALLOWEEN WISH . . . .

 

REPEATEDLY TRICKED

AND

RARELY TREATED

THE

JOKES ON US

SO

OFTEN CHEATED

THE

IMP MUST GO

HE

MUST BE UNSEATED

.

.

.

BOØOØOØOØOØOØO !

After 20 years, Yanks/YES are cutting John Flaherty from the Booth of Sooth.

This week, Yankee/YES announcer John Flaherty got a pink slip and - perhaps - a new lease on life. 

After 20 years of lip-service within the Yankee/YES propaganda factory, Flaherty will go silent in 2026. His contract ran out, and the franchise will go with the younger Ryan Ruocco as utility back-up - sorta the Oswaldo Cabrera of the booth. 

The 2026 YES lineup will feature the Four Horsemen of the Pocked Lips: 

1. Michael Kay, the relentless, ever-churning, fake-outrage, word machine. 

2. Paul O'Neill, the jolly ex-jock and lover of the team.

3. David Coen, the celebrity everyman, who actually remembers the Violent Femmes.

4. Joe Girardi, the professor and master strategist.

Overall, the YES announcers are affable, experienced and always appreciative of the Steinbrenner family for paying them to talk. 

In retiring Flaherty, it's not as if the Yankees just disappeared Alexie Navalny. "Flash," as he was known, provided a kindly, self-depreciating voice of experience, similar to that of Ken Singleton, (who was retired in 2021.) Flaherty was a rarity - the ex-jock who mastered the art of play-by-play announcing - which in the modern Yankee era includes the art of gushing about a product that viewers have become increasingly sour of. 

The YES team will sternly criticize any player who fails to hustle, and it will directly challenge any backfiring move by manager Aaron Boone. But that's where the vinegar stops. Whatever Brian Cashman says or does is considered the final word on any matter. And the team verbally genuflects in the direction of anybody with the last name of Steinbrenner. 

That won't change. YES is the OAN of baseball. The Steinbrenners own the main media that covers them, and we will never again know a Red Barber or Joe Garigiola - (or even a John Sterling sometimes) - anybody with the clout to say what needs to be said. The closest we'll get - Jack Curry - is 15 years out from his days of actual journalism. Now and then, Kay climbs his soapbox to grandstand on an issue - but it's always safe, and it never touches the owner's box.    

I'll miss Flaherty. Over 20 years, he never disgraced himself, or for that matter, the Yankees. A 20-year run is longer than most announcers ever see. Dunno who will catch  the Old Timers Game, but since Mariano blew out his knee this summer, I doubt anybody cares. 

As for Flash, his reaction was the sorta classy nothing-burger you'd expect. He told The Athletic: 

“I was kind of prepared for it so I think that helped. It quickly went from, the reality that you are not going to be back to what a great run for 20 years to go right from retiring as a player to right into the booth in 2006 and stay with the same network for 20 years. I just became very grateful for what a long and great run it has been at YES and being connected with the Yankees all those years.”

Let's wish him the best. And maybe, next August, when everything is dull and tired... they bring him back for a series? 

Before the Yankees think of signing anybody, one question looms: What about The Martian?

Today's Athletic conjures up a thumb-sucker that argues the Yankees this winter should chase free agent OF Kyle Tucker, first and foremost, at the expense of Cory Bellinger, son of Clay. 

The article harkens back to the gilded era of Old George, when Trump was a harpy and the Bombers always signed their main free agent target. The modern reality: In modern bidding wars, the Yankees finish second. 

Still, the piece makes some points. The stats generally favor Tucker over Bellinger, and - at 28 - he's two years younger. Over a long-term deal, that could save us from a LeMahieu Redux. (And, by the way, isn't it sad that we remember DJ in such a manner?) 

Still, looming over any OF decision is a simpler question: 

Wither goeth Jasson Dominguez?

The Martian turns 23 in February. Last year, in 381 ABs, he hit .257 with 10 HRs and 23 SBs. (A nice surprise, he is really fast.) Unfortunately, he played left field like a sheet metal worker with a Peyronie's erection, so awkwardly that every pop fly became a terrorist plot. He looked so troubled, so worrisome, that it became reasonable, if not fashionable, to wonder if Dominguez is a Ron Bloomberg - a botched asset and career DH?

It's been eight years since he became the most expensive 16-year-old on the planet, so blessed with potential that he was nicknamed after a planet. 

In the next two months, the Yankees must decide whether The Martian has a future in the Bronx. 

Listen: His numbers for last year weren't puke-in-the-bucket horrible. (You want horrible: Anthony Volpe.) And Dominguez can spend the winter replaying his last plate appearance - a double to right center, as he pinch hit for the clinically depressed Volpe. But here's the rub:

Tucker is a corner outfielder. So is Aaron Judge. If they do sign Tucker, the Yankees would probably need a defense-first CF - (I believe Trent Grisham is gone to greener pastures) - and that's not Dominguez. It could be Bellinger, who can play CF. But what about The Martian? Do they sit on him for another year? Or do they trade their most hyped prospect for the 2020s? 

(At this point, we should mention Spencer Jones, the 24-year-old, 6'7" outfielder at Scranton. He looks like the Second Coming of Joey Gallo - the three true outcomes, most of which are Ks. Last year, at Double and Triple A, Jones hit .274 with 35 HRs. He led all Yankee farmhands in HRs. A hot spring would create havoc. The Yankees claim Jones is a fine fielding CF. Then again, they said Dominguez could play LF. We won't know until we see him.)

So, before anything happens, the Yankees must decide if The Martian is in their future. 

Should we have confidence in those who will make that decision?