Will the Dodgers win 130 games? Is there really a pennant race? Is the Singularity upon us?

In case you've been lollygagging in the Strait of Vermouth over the last month, you may have missed the Dodgers Singularity, which is transpiring across MLB.

After four years of a systematic avalanche of spending - annual payrolls that created the most lopsided advantages in the history of sports - the Los Angeles Dodgers have become baseball's one true story. 

They have won 15 of their first 19 and - for now, anyway - are enroute to a 127-win season. This will not beat the Cincinnati Red Stockings of 1869, who went 67-0. (Shout out to Harry Wright, the great 2B and prelude to Altuve - all 5'9" of him.) And let's not forget the 1906 Chicago Cubs, who won 116 games out of 152, in the "Modern Era," (though they lost the World Series to the dreaded White Sox.)

Today's Dodgers - with a $416 million, 40-man roster payroll - will outspend the Yankees this year by $78 million. They will outdo the Tampa Rays - currently atop the AL East - by $307 million. 

When the Dodgers play Tampa, it's like Thumbellina fighting Katy Perry. 

MLB's six best teams, according to today's standings, are in the NL. Two others are tied with hateful Tampa in the AL. Eight teams have better records than the Yankees, who have struggled through the cupcake section of their 2026 schedule. 

This year, the Dodgers will outspend the Mets - second in all of MLB - by $37 million. 

Of course, throughout baseball history, the joke was always on the rich codgers with glass tubes for genitals: They spend outlandishly, yet their erections still flitter and flop, leaving us to rejoice in the vagaries of the game. You cannot buy the championship, we say, sagely, while Boonie brings in Camilo Dotel to pitch the eighth. 

Well, the Dodgers have won 15 of 19 despite their best hitter/pitcher, the Japanese Babe Ruth, batting .265, and with Mookie Wilson still below .170. Kyle Tucker and Freddie Freeman have yet to hit their weights. Fifteen of nineteen, and the team is just warming up. You must wonder: Will this be the year when everything collapses, when money becomes money? 

The Dodgers, of course, are what the Yankees used to be, and our lost tribe has no right to whine about Hal's refusal to dive into the shallow end of a spending pool. He'd be a fool to do so. Today, the AL East looks like the Mid-America Conference in women's volleyball. All we gotta do is finish 2nd, and our wild card ticket is probably punched. 

So, let's all do join in on the obligatory "IT'S ONLY APRIL, TRA-LA-LA..." mantra and hope the Dodgers get bored, and lose a few. They need the Phillies and Mets back in the mix, to maintain the illusion of a race. It's a long season, and nothing that happens in April will seem to be on the same planet in September. 

But the Dodgers Singularity may be finally here. 

By the way, we'll see them in mid-July. Any bets on where we'll be? 

Volpe's comin'

Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl

Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpes comin', hide your hopes, girl (Hide 'em)

You better, better hide your hopes

Volpe's comin', he might walk

Walk but he'll never get a hit

No, he'll never get a hit and he's not good at fieldin'

I walk to the Citi by the bay

Everytime he's here

Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Volpe's a-comin', and he's comin' to sink us (He'll walk, but, he'll walk, but)

Cash down on his knees (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Volpe's comin' (Hide, hide, hide)

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpe's a-comin', you better hide

Girl, Volpe's comin', hide your hopes, girl (Hide 'em)

You better, better hide your hopes

Volpe's comin', he might walk

Walk but he'll never get a hit

No, he'll never get hit and he's not good at fieldin'

I walked to the Citi by the bay

Everytime he's here

Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Volpe's a-comin' (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Volpe's a-comin', and he's comin' to tank us (He'll walk, but, he'll walk, but)

Boone down on his knees (He'll walk, but he'll never get a hit)

Cash down on his knees

No-no, no-no

Lord, I said no-no, no-no, no

ITS the Game Thread if ANYBODY out there still gives a SCHLITT

 

For the Yankees, it could get late... early.

Okay, I know what you're thinking...

Jeepers, Duque, who died and made you Pope? It's just April, and you're already Chicken Littling? Everything is groovy. Gerrit Cole and Anthony Volpe will soon return, the Captain is hot, and Ben Rice is not an optical illusion. The Martian is crushing Triple A, and Tampa's lead will not hold. If we sweep KC - who has lost four straight - we'll be back in tall cotton, and why are you clutching your pearls? Everything is okay...

For starters, you people are fools.

The glass isn't half empty. It's dusty. The Yanks just split with the Angels - the Mets of LA - after flopping against the Oakland Sacramento Vegas A's. The schedule is about to turn nasty, as we head to Fenway. April offered a chance to get out in front, to put some wins between us and axis of evil, the hateful Rays, Jays, O's and Redsocks. That's not gonna happen. 

A coupla things here...

1. Against LA, ex-Yank Oswald Peraza was our returning Babadook, homering and playing 3B - still our positional black hole - and reminding the world of how this organization eats its prospects. Three years ago, the Yankees threw Peraza overboard in a haze of false hope, as they anointed Volpe as the next great Yankee. Not only did they squander Peraza, but they foisted homecoming bullshit on Volpe, creating expectations that would crush any young player. 

I still wonder if Volpe can ever star in NY, overcoming the hype that preceded him and - thus far - has defined him.  

That said, let Peraza remind us of all the ex-Yankees out there, waiting like sleeper cells, to take revenge on the team that long ago popped their virginity. This week, in Boston, specifically, beware of Caleb Durbin. He's been terrible thus far - .127 - but so has been the entire team. I say, launch a blockade. Don't let him get on base.   

2. Trout's five HRs against us should remind us that a bunch of major stars have not awakened from winter hibernation. There's no place for a breakout like NYC. On that note, beware Bobby Witt Jr., who has yet to homer in 2026.

3. An interesting aspect of Volpe's rehab in Somerset - televised last night on YES - is the yin-yang with top prospect George Lombard Jr.  In his first rehab start, Volpe played 3B, with Lombard at SS. Last night, they switched, with Lombard at 3B, (Volpe went 1-3, and Lombard - who is absolutely crushing it - hitting .415 - went 2-4.) 

The Yankee infield is a jumbled mess. Ryan McMahon cannot hit. Amed Rosario cannot field. Jazz Chisholm cannot think. Volpe is coming. Lombard could follow. Crazy world. But May is coming.

We Shoulda Lost All Four

One win came from a wild pitch, allowing a Yankee runner ( who had stolen third ) to score from third. 

Another came from an infield pop up ( would have been two outs, no one on base in bottom of ninth ) that dropped  in the SS dirt between two players, giving the Yankees life. 

Both, "walk off" wins for the Yankees.

Otherwise, our pitching staff gave up 13 homers in four games, including 5 to Mike Trout alone. 

So we break-even on the series, 2-2, but the Angels clobbered us.  

Except in the raw luck department. 

When you look in this Yankee closet ( starting pitching; relief pitching, basic baseball, defense, and keeping the ball in play, hitting for average, dingers) this team is pretty much an empty blue suit and a pair of scuffed up,  brown lace-up shoes. 

And we think Cole and Volpe and those other post surgical starters are going to make a difference?

It as if we really don't even understand the game. 

The glass is half-full!

 

Good news! 

Jazz "50-50" Chisholm is well on the way to attaining half of his 2026 goals for a 50-home run, 50-stolen base season!

Jazz, seen here preparing for the FIFA 2026 World Cup, already has 7 stolen bases in just 8 attempts. Projected over a full, 162-game season, that would give Chisholm 63 total stolen bases in 72 tries, thereby smashing his own projection all to bits.

Whoa, we're halfway there!

As for the home run part, well...we did say, "glass half-full."

Perhaps we need another goal?  Maybe, say, 50 hits?

Whoa, livin' on a prayer!

Volpe is coming. But can Jose Caballero win the shortstop battle?

In the shiny N.J. backwater of Somerset - between Middlebush and Milltown - Anthony Volpe is once again playing ball. 

He'll lace them up tonight through Sunday in Double A, then maybe drive to Scranton - the Anthracite and Yankee Prospect Capital of Pennsyltucky - to face Triple A grist. The former Great White Volp could be ready for the Bronx around May 1, which leaves the Yankiverse pondering the unponderable:

What then?

As you know, Volpe is rehabbing from surgery for a torn labium, which happened last May and is blamed - a bit too conveniently? - for his dismal 2025 season. He ended up hitting .212 with 19 HRs, a wretched OBP of .272, and 19 errors at SS, most in the AL. Statistically, through age 24, his statistical doppelganger is Rey Quinones. Whether we should be awaiting his return is a debate worthy of the Pope and J.D. Vance.

Still, Volpe remains a great Yankee hype - a former future plaque in Monument Park - and I submit that, for nearly all Yankee hardcores, there remains an unquenchable dream in our hearts for his success. Remember "Volpening Day," three years ago, when he seemed on the same trajectory as Bobby Witt Jr? 

What if he figure it out? What if he finally becomes a star? Do we want that to happen in another city? He needs one last shot, right?

Hummina, hummina, hummina... 

Last night, for the second time in three days, our current SS, Jose Caballero, had a huge hit in a walk-off victory. He scored the winning run Tuesday, scrambling from third on a WP, and last night's single ended the game - a veritable Christmas gift from another former Yankee hope, Oswald Peraza, who co-bungled a pop-up, unleashing the hounds of Hell. This all happened barely an inning after Cabby made a great defensive play, snaring a grounder and throwing perfectly to first. It brought him a postgame ice-bucket shower from the captain. 

It had to be Caballero's greatest moment as a Yankee.  

Trouble is, Caballero is still hitting .186, with an OBP of .238 - completely unacceptable. At 29, he shakes out as a statistical twin to Nick Green, Terry Shumpert and Jeff Kunkel. UNCLE.  

Okay, just for the record, let us all recite the current mantra.  

a) It's still April.

b) The Mets have lost 7 in a row.

c) The Redsocks look bad.

d) Volpe's return helps everybody.

Wait. Not everybody. It might hurt Oswaldo Cabrera, who is hitting .150 in Scranton on another rehab. Oswaldo put forth a comparatively Ruthian 2025 season, when he hit .234.) Unless he soon starts hitting, Oswaldo's biggest contribution this year might be his CarShield TV commercial with J.C. Escara - the most lovable Yankee ad in this millennium. Sign me up! We all need insurance, right?  

"Let 'em keep losing – Might be the only way to achieve true, meaningful change . . . "

 

We interrupt this deep dive of New York baseball teams into the sludge to bring you...

 ...basketball. Or at least the reasonable facsimile of it known as the New York Knickerbockers.

The player featured here is, of course, OG Anunoby, the power forward whose acquisition has made the Knicks (something of) a contender for the last three seasons. I don't know much about basketball, but I do know that Anunoby can be an absolute force on the court, offense and defense. 

And as the Knicks prepare to head into a postseason full of the highest of hopes, he is...injured. Of course. 

Anunoby, great as he is, gets hurt a lot, maybe because his play is so passionate and unrestrained. Hey, I ain't knockin' it. He is a joy to watch on the court.

But since the Knicks are a New York team, their big acquisition must have some fatal flaw. And it will be fatal. At least, that's what the 146 NBA players asked to pick which team—aside from their own—will win the championship this spring.

Not a one picked the New York Knicks. More picked their first-round opponent, the Atlanta Hawks, who have not won a championship, I think, since they played in St. Louis.

So it goes for the Knicks, 53 years now and counting. 

Remember when they had another can't-miss, big man? Yep. Ol' Kristaps Porzingis, the Latvian Lummox. He got hurt, too. Though as it turned out, he WAS "can't miss"...just for the Boston Celtics, the Knicks' great rival.

The Celtics, it seemed, figured out something that no present New York team cares to learn, which is that you need to build an entire championship team, complete with players who boast different skills and can fill in and take over when the one, random superstar you've signed merely to fill seats, goes down.

Sigh...

This is how the spring playoff season is playing out here in Loser City, once again. The other basketball team in town, the Brooklyn Nets, had a 62-loss season and failed to make the playoffs for the third year in a row. In 50 tries, they have NEVER won an NBA title.

That's a combined, 0-103 basketball titles for NYC since 1973—and 2-130—for those of you keeping score at home.

Meanwhile, in an NHL where half the teams make the playoffs...no local hockey team did. That's the first time that's happened since the o.g. Colorado Rockies came east and got stuck in the mud somewhere in the swamps of Jersey. 

First time in 44 years no local hockey team has made the playoffs. 

Of course, how much good did all those playoff appearances do? The New York Rangers have won 1 Stanley Cup in the last 86 years. The Islanders have not won in 43 years. The rechristened New Jersey Devils—is "rechristened" the right word for a team named the Devils? Maybe the anti-Christ in the White House could tell us—after some initial success, have now gone 23 years without sipping from the cup of busted teeth and answered prayers.

(The Rangers, of course, have their own wonderfully-monikered, can't-miss stars every few years. I think the last was young Kaapo Kakko, who of course was not going to be a star in New York with a name like that. He now plays for the Kraken, naturally, a team where all those Ks feel at home.) 

Meanwhile, both local football squads are looking to a draft that will get them back into the playoffs—someday. Been 15 years without a postseason spot for the Jets, which makes them the leader in all North American sports at present, not to mention the 57 years since they won a championship.  

And then there's our baseball, which I will spare you anymore analysis thereof.

More than coincidence???

I don't think so.  

As a great man once said, "Luck is the residue of design," and the design of our local teams is to make money, hand-over-fist. They are enabled in this always by our local politicians, who freely shower them with tax and rent breaks, largely free stadia, and other, unearned benefits. 

All because—we're told—that if they don't get what they want, our sporting idols will leave the largest and richest market in the country for...where, exactly? The West Coast, like our renegade Dodgers and Giants, 58 years ago? 

Those venues are full. So is pretty much everywhere else the runaway grifts known as modern pro sports teams might wish to abscond to. 

It is time to stop subsidizing failure. It is time to call their collected bluff. Go if you want to. We will replace you. 

We now return you to our regularly scheduled Yankees loss.

Not sure what to make of it, but four Yankees are crushing it at Double A. And one happens to be George Lombard Jr.

 Behold the current batting leaders in the Eastern League. 

Four Yankees.

A coupla things...

It's only April. 

It's only Double A.

Lombard, the Yankees best prospect, got off to a hot start last year, then fizzled.

Torres is 32. But he won the Mexican League MVP last year. This is his transition to USA.

Gladney is 24, out of the White Sox organization.

Luciano is 24. Last year, he played at Triple A.

Ah, but the world is new, and the future is limitless. 

Despite MLB's best hitter - (not who you're thinking) - the Yankees look dead in the pond

An annual Yankee rite of spring is the seemingly sober post telling readers to take the loaded Lugers out of their mouths - that all will soon be ducky, because any day now, Aaron Judge will start raking. 

Not today. 

In fact, Judge is hitting, sorta. In all of MLB, he is tied for 3rd in HRs and 25th in RBIs, though his BA sits at a Volpean .234. Also, he fails the eye-test, lunging at balls off the plate. He hasn't yet figured out the ABS system, which was seemingly added just for him. He doesn't challenge called-strikes that arrive by way of New Jersey. But he will. Soon. I'm sure of it. Yes. He will. Uh-huh. Excuse me. I can't get the Luger taste out of my mouth. Humina-humina-humina....

It's not Judge's fault that the floundering, flailing, flobbing, flatlining, flapping, flatulent, flucking Yankees are now tied for 2nd in the AL East, behind the Hateful Rays. The problem: A massive chasm, a Continental Divide, that occurs after No. 5 in the order - triggering a two-inning cigarette break. If you're watching at home, it's time to check out the Turner Movie Classics channel and figure out the evening's theme. (Last night, it was SON OF LASSIE, followed by SHE-WOLF OF LONDON. Any ideas?) Once the meat of the meat of the lineup turns over, spare yourself the frustration, waiting for Ben Rice to return.  

Statistically, right now, he is baseball's best hitter. Moreover, there are reasons to believe it's no fluke. Last year, as we're tired of hearing - his exit-velos and bat-barrel rates were among the highest in the game. He beat the shit out of balls and often got nothing. This year, the juju gods - in the form of random sequencing - may be paying him back. 

Look at those numbers. Fukkinay. If the All-Star balloting were held in April, he'd be the AL starting 1B and probably hit leadoff (in front of Judge.) That said, there are some caveats to popping the corks.

1. The All-Star balloting is not held in April.

2. It's April. 

3. It's mid-April, not even late April.

4. Soon, opposing teams will start pitching around Rice. 

(At this point, I'd like to pause this righteous prosecution of the universe for an observation of Yankee Truth Social. 

GARRY FUKKIN SANCHEZ! 

He's still going. He's now 33, five years out of pinstripes and playing 1B for the Brewers. His 5 HRs leave him among the MLB leaders. It's been a lifetime since the Kraken was cast out by Brian Yahweh for the crime of not living up to hype, and everybody assumed he'd fade into the Heartland and never shadow our doorstep again. He didn't. He dusted himself off, went to Minnesota, moved to the Padres, the Mets, the Brewers, the O's, and then back to Milwaukee. He's still going. Who'da thought?)

So... ahem... Ben Rice? The Great Yankee Hope. This could be his breakout. But if the Yankees don't start hitting at the bottom of the order, I'm not sure it will matter. 

(BTW: Last night for Scranton: The Martian 1-for-3; Mr. Jones 1-for-4. Not that I'm following them. Why would anyone do that?) 

This is (not) The End of Running – It – Back – Out – Again – Game Thread (04•14•26)

Well, show Boone the way

To the clubhouse exit door

Oh, you know why

Oh, you know why

PLEASE

Show Boone the way

To the clubhouse exit door

Oh, you know why

Oh, you know why

For if we don't show

Boone the clubhouse exit door

I tell you we must Die Cry

I tell you we must Die Cry

I tell you

I tell you

I, like, uhm, well, you know . . .

TELL YOU WE MUST DIE CRY

The Yankees famously stood pat over the winter. Too bad they didn't over the trade deadline last August

In these modern Yankee dark ages, the front office loves to assure us that the key to a successful winter is saving chips for the August 1 trade deadline. Don't sweat the bullpen, they say. Ignore the hole at 3B, disregard the lack of a fifth starter. We'll save our pennies and fix everything in July! Because we're the Yankees, and we're smart!

Then, come July 31, they deal out of a hopeless desperation that J.D. Vance can appreciate.

Last summer, at the Aug. 1 deadline, they drained their farms for Jake Bird, Camilo Dotal, Jose Caballero, David Bednar and Ryan McMahon - a haul that continues to provoke depression, sleeplessness and suicidal thoughts. 

In fact, it's almost scary... how bad last year's deadline deals turned out to be.  

We went 5-for-5 in fiascos.

Caballero is hitting .178 with a HR, which came last night. He's probably the best pick-up we made last summer. Unfortunately, his botched routine grounder last night led to a four-run rally, which resurrected the Angels. Next month, Anthony Volpe will probably return and take over SS, leaving Caballero to a utility role. The idea of a starter returning should excite Yank fans. Volpe does not have that impact. I think everyone hoped Caballero would take the position, full-stop. That's not gonna happen. 

McMahon is hitting .108 with 0 HRs. He has struck out 15 times in 37 at-bats - continuing the woes that ruined his career in Colorado. The YES team has been reduced to the trope of always noticing some good sign in his latest AB; he really fouled one off! The worst thing about McMahon may be his salary. When they obtained him last August, the Yankees absorbed the last two years on a deal that pays him $16 million per season. So, when Food Stamps Hal pulls out his pockets next winter, it will be, in part, due to the trade deadline of 2025.

Dotal has a 7.36 ERA, so high that it's hard to maintain. Last season, he crashed and lost his closer role with SF, a franchise that, historically, has done well in identifying good pitchers. Dotel hasn't been much better with the Yankees. Nevertheless, they re-signed him for $6.1 million because - well - Brian Cashman hates to admit a deal went south. But this one did.

Bednar, the current closer, has a 5.36 ERA and two losses. He has five saves, including several heart-stressers, which stranded the winning runs on base. My cardiologist has already warned me about Bednar. Like Dotal, he signed a one-year deal last winter: We're paying him $9 million. 

Bird has an ERA of 7.71 and, following last night's outing - he blew two leads, including a three-run, game tying HR - he was dispatched to Scranton. Unless he figures it out, we won't see him again. (Cashman is big on second chances for his trade acquisitions, but three-time failures get Kei Igawa-ed.) 

I don't mean to beat Seabiscuit. The Yankees' haul last August has been picked over more often than Viktor Orban, and the YES barkers no longer slather lipstick on this one. In fact, last night, around the fifth inning, the ongoing Yankee gaslight seemed to switch gears. As the Yankees blew lead after lead, we were assured that hope is just around the corner. Volpe will soon be back. Gerrit Cole will soon be back. Carlos Rodon will soon be back. And rest assured... the Yankees will be busy at the trade deadline. 

God help us. And praise be to Hal-ah. 

Re: Last night

Yeah, sure, Judge and Trout.

And Grisham, incredibly.

And Cab, incredibly.

And Skenes (Rufus is right, we have to nab him).

And Jackson and Alonso (we coulda had him).

Then there's Dotal and our bullpen.

And Warren (although no earned runs).

And Boone.

And Cashman.

And Hal.

We got lucky. Saw the highlights, have to watch the replay in 45 minutes.

And fuck the Red Sox.

Game Thread – Will Warren Save Us All ?

Fun with blaspheme

 

The Yankees' current meltdown is either the 2025 team reliving itself... or relieving itself.

Today, I hereby invoke the Iron Rule of Yankee History: 

Those who cannot remember the past are doomed to bring in Scott Proctor.

Never has our crippled and crusty past shown more relevance than with the 2026 Yankees, a veritable carbon copy of last year. 

Sherman, set the Wayback for April 13, 2025 - one year ago, to the day: 

At 7-6, the Yankees sit in 2nd place in the AL East, one half-game behind the Hateful Rays. They started 2025 with a three-game sweep, then fell into a mini-funk. Soon, they'll wake up, launching a 5-game win streak that will elevate them into 1st by May 1. They'll finish April five over .500, at 18-13.

Their breakout April surprise will be Trent Grisham, a career .216 hitter and 4th OF, who - on this date last year is hitting .344 with 3 HRs, and winning Aaron Boone's favor. Grish will finish April at .292 with 8 dingers, a month nobody anticipated and that he will never repeat. (To be fair, he will hit 10 HRs in August, though hitting .243.)

Today, in 2026, Grisham is hitting .133 without a HR, with 4 measly RBIs - disturbingly closer to his career numbers. This weekend, in Tampa, he was dropped from the leadoff spot, down to the bottom of a batting order that should be nicknamed the Edmund Fitzgerald. ("Fellas, it's been good to know yaaaa!") 

As everybody knows... the Yankees' re-signing of Grisham became the fulcrum point of last winter. As soon as Grish accepted their $22.5 million, one-year qualifying offer, any plans for a 2026 rebuild flew out the window. Suddenly, Jasson Dominguez had no place on this roster. Neither did Spencer Jones. The franchise's two most interesting prospects were either stowaways or trade chum. The front office didn't have the guts to deal them - the Yankiverse was roiled enough, as it is - so they became Scranton Railriders. 

This weekend, The Martian continued to dominate Triple A: He went 2-4 yesterday and is batting .354. He seems to be wasting his time. Jones, on the other hand, has four Golden Sombreros and looks disillusioned by the swings and misses. This weekend, he went 2-8, to push his BA above .200. He has two home runs. 

It's too early to dismiss the 2026 Yankees, who, despite losing five straight, are tied for 1st with Tampa and Baltimore. Like last year's team, they have squandered a season-opening sweep, which could have provided a bit of separation from Boston and Toronto, their two main Babadooks. 

If this continues as a rerun of 2025, it means a long, hard slog, which might not offer a happy outcome. 

Soon, something will happen to this team. It sleepwalked in Tampa, and the front office will shake things up. Or an injury will create pressures - and opportunities - for players who are currently stuck in time. Whatever happens, I say, bring it on. It cannot come soon enough. 

Yankee fans do not want to relive 2025. Somewhere out there, Scott Proctor is torching his glove and jersey at home plate, and he is laughing. Fellas, it's been good to know yaaaaa.

 

Aaron Boone: Jazz Chisholm Jr. ‘not a dumb guy’ after postgame confusion in Tampa

Would you like Fries with that ? Game Thread – 04/12/26

 

The Run It Backness

 

Yep. I remember those guys. With a new standard for ugly defeats, the 2025 Yankees live again.

Before plunging into this clogged toilet nightmare - ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Ugliest Loss Thus Far in 2026! - a few words about Randal Alexander Grichuk, the RH Yankee bench wrench, 34, formerly of St. Louis, Colorado, Los Angeles, Toronto, Arizona and Kansas City, who is now 0-for-10 on the fledgling campaign. 

Last year, Grichuk appeared unto us in the ghostly form of Austin Slater, obtained in a deadline trade that the YES mouth migraines now avoid, as if it popcorned up from the Epstein files. Regarding: Grichuk in 2026... 

1. This is not his fault.

2. Last night, he happened to be a bystander, too close to the accident scene.

3. He's probably not that bad.

4. When the Yankees DFA him - they soon will, because the brain trust needs a scapegoat, and he's the lowest hanging flower on the Oleander tree - I suspect that some team will pick him up. 

5. To the Death Barge's fan base, he represents everything that's wrong with the Yankees, with America, with money ball, with capitalism, and with life in 2026. 

6. He is a Yankee because of a stat: His 2025 numbers suggested that he'd be a slight improvement over The Martian, Jasson Dominguez, from the RH side.

7. The Martian is hitting .341 in Scranton. (Last night, he went 0-2 with two walks.) He is 23 and wasting his time.

8. One of these days, the Yankees will banish Grichuk and bring up Dominguez, because their lineup desperately needs a spark. But they will still have no place to put him, because the pipes are clogged with expensive contracts.

9. Seriously, I got nothing against Grichuk. He's just the wrong guy in the wrong place on the wrong team at the wrong time, which is 2026, as opposed to 2025, and it's an honest mistake, because the two Yankee teams are nearly identical.

10. It's as if H.G. Wells spun the time machine to the wrong future date, and we have The Martian playing for the Morlochs, in the wrong book. And I am lapping myself...

This is how it goes down. The Yankees just achieved the ugliest loss of 2026. Dear God, it had everything - a come from behind, a blown lead, extra innings, blown chances and then, the finale: an inexplicable play by Jazz Chisholm, throwing to first base out of muscle memory, when the game was already lost. Bravo, everybody. 

The 2025 Yankees have arrived, and time is running out for Randal Grichuk. 

His not his fault. I hope that - in his next incarnation, with another team - he doesn't hold it against us. But of course, he will. Don't they all?  

Loser City.

 

Sorry, Doug K.  

But when it comes to sports, yes, we are.

All three hockey teams about to be eliminated.

Brooklyn Nets with another 60-loss season.

Everyone knows Knicks will not even make conference finals.

The Mets lost their fourth in a row, and now have a losing record.

The Yanks lost their fourth in a row, and are now 0-5 in one-run games. And they have a second baseman who doesn't know how force-outs work.

Nonetheless, we pay out billions of dollars in public subsidies to these bums.

Could it be the two things are connected?

RUNNING-IT-BACK out there for this game thread ººº

 TOO SOON ? 

PERHAPS A LITTLE 'BITTY' – BUT THE TRUTH MAY SET US FREE.

(HE HE HE – HAW HAW HAW)

The Yankees are floundering, but the AL is pathetic

Okay, yes, ye chickens of little, ye sayers of nay... You're right, you're brutally, horribly, disgustingly right... 

We suck.  

Nobody's hitting. The bullpen can't hold a lead. We burn through quality starts. This weekend, we're playing in a giant ping pong ball, an echo chamber of audio memes, where balls seem to splash in the fake turf, and the domed ceiling conceals pop-ups like zits on a supermodel's chin. It doesn't even matter if the crowd is on our side. We've lost three straight, squandering the Yankees' best opening weeks of this millennium.   

Yep, it royally sucks. But take a deep breath, crack your knuckles, and step away from the Abyss. Now, repeat after me:

"It's only fucking April." 

"Nothing fucking matters before Memorial Day."

"Judge will soon start fucking hitting."

"The AL East fucking sucks."

"The fucking Redsocks are in fucking last place."

Repeat, as needed. 

Yes, we will relive last year's horror. Why wouldn't we? You've heard of Trump's Project 2025? This is Cashman's. We spent $50 million just to reconstruct last year's lineup, as if it won anything. If not for the current AL Slop - only three teams sit above .500 - sirens would be blaring, and the hoary ghost of Old George, who still lives in the hearts of Yank fans - would be calling for cabbages to roll. 

And yet... here we are, best record in the AL. Soon, Judge will soon stop lunging at pitches out of his area code, and Ryan McMahon - the two-term Onondaga County Executive - will return to his Syracuse-based bureaucracy and stop playing 3B for the Yankees. 

Yeah, we suck. But cheer up. It's only April. Only April. Only April...