A Modest Proposal.

This Swiftian suggestion was inspired by the graphics work of the estimable Above Average, see above (and not average!).

Ah, isn't that a consummation devoutly to be wished? For Prince Hal to sell the team!

But we must always be careful what we wish for. The last time a Steinbrenner seriously considered selling your New York Yankees, we narrowly missed seeing them peddled off to...the Dolans.  There's no reason to think we'd do much better today.

Therefore, my proposal is: up the competition. Invite the Wandering Athletics to come to New York.

Hey, our current, Democratic mayoral hopeful, The Zohran, is currently pushing the idea of cheap, government-run grocery stores. I say, why not a ballteam run by the people, for the people? 

After all their years in the desert of inland California, do we really think the A's are going to end up in their Las Vegas dome, which will hold all of 33,000 despairing gamblers, already Stripped of their life savings? Anyway the time they get there, the whole Sodom & Gomorrah is likely to be a gigantic mound of sand.

I say we invite them to New York. We already have a small, minor-league stadium available for their use, have had it ever since the Yanks blew off the beautiful little park we built, gratis, for their Single-A team in Staten Island.  It could be expanded easily enough, giving the fans a breathtaking view of the Statue of Liberty, and New York Harbor.

It would be the first time that Staten Island, "the Jersey Borough," would have a major-league team since the Giants camped there, while throwing up a new Polo Grounds in Harlem. The first time  a major-league team would play a whole season there since the original, New York Met (no s), in 1886-1887.  

Think of the fun we could have with The People's Team! 

No seats over $20 a game. Thousands of seats always available, day of game. Luxury boxes? Sure, a few—but ALL would be assigned, every game, by the results of a lottery. 

For that matter, have you noticed that, bizarrely enough, the Yankees run their very own lottery, each game at the Stadium? The People's Team could do the same, upping funding for the New York Athletics (or "Pizza Rats'?). 

Or hell, congestion pricing is supposed to raise $1 billion a year.  That's all earmarked for our subways, I know. But if Mamdani is REALLY going to put the mentally ill homeless below ground and offer free buses, who's going to ride the subway? We can pour all our money into the A's. Let New Jersey fund our ballteam! 

And/or, we have all games broadcast on new, WNYC radio and television channels, with all monies going to the public coffers. 

Our new, publicly owned ball club would spend to win, year in and year out. The fans will flock there, even if it is Staten Island.  

How about free ferry service, with each ticket purchased? (What the 19th-century owner of the Original Met, who owned the ferry, too, used to offer.) Just sell alcohol aboard, and make it the Party Boat. (Did I hear you say go-go dancers on the Party Boat? Well, why not? No strippers, please, we want a family atmosphere.)

Hell, for that matter, we could put the tower of the Empire State Building to its original purpose, and have some lucky fans (more lottery winners), sail by blimp to the park (weather conditions allowing). Sure, every now and then, one might topple off the gangplank and plunge to 33rd Street. Okay, we'll give them all parachutes.

Best of all, the other teams here in Loser City would have to seriously up their game. Even the non-baseball teams would be terrified that we would do that same thing with football, basketball, and hockey teams. Instead of Loser City, we could have a new golden age of New York sports!

All we have to do is dream it...

+ (FAR) ABOVE AVERAGE